My best friend can't choose between me and her boyfriend, what do I do!

[aimeeg]

Hey guys, so this is my story. It's really long so thank you so much if you read it. I'm struggling a lot and I need help and advice and input as soon as possible.

 

I'm 18 years old for starters and my best friend is JUST turning 17. We've been the best of friends for about three years now. We always have a great time together and I've been there for her throughout every obstacle she's faced and vice versa. She started dating this guy (who is 20 going on 21) about 5 1/2 months ago. He's always been very inconsiderate of me and shows no respect to me whatsoever. I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for a 1 1/2 years and he shows my best friend the UP MOST respect. So with Arielle's (my best friend) boyfriend, he just doesn't give a **** about me. I find that to be extremely rude. My boyfriend treats her with respect and everything because he knows it can't workout if my best friend doesn't like him, especially if the reason why she doesn't like him is because of something he did. So Arielle's boyfriend, Brandon, has slowly but surely gotten on my bad side. For starters, on prom night me, Arielle, Brandon, my boyfriend, and a mutual friend who didn't have a date stayed at a hotel together. I made sure Bryan wasn't fifth wheel so I didn't leave him out of the group, although I could have since my boyfriend was there. However, Arielle and Brandon definitely left us all out and did there own thing, and I told Arielle I was upset and Brandon knew. Brandon very well knew I was upset because they were leaving everyone out and cuddling and being awkward and he did nothing to change it. That was strike one where I knew he didn't care. Strike two- I was getting my industrial pierced and Arielle was getting her tragus pierced. Both boyfriends came with us, but Arielle wanted it to be "our thing" so my boyfriend sat behind the counter when I got my piercing done. So when she got her piercing done, Brandon basically pushed me out of the way and made me let go of her hands and really had no respect or consideration for me like my boyfriend had towards her. I even told Brandon to stand where my boyfriend was behind the counter and he refused. Strike three- Me and Arielle were hanging out and I asked her if we could have a "no boyfriend" night since she ALWAYS wants to hangout with him. I just wanted some time alone with my best friend. She agreed. She was invited to a party so we attended it without our boyfriends. Neither of us cheated or anything, we just had a good time and hungout with some friends, nothing happened. So Brandon had a big problem with this and having a "no boyfriend" night. I don't understand, can I NOT hangout with my best friend and him being okay with it?

And this is what happened last night-Arielle's 17th birthday is tomorrow. Me and Arielle didn't have set plans, but I was thinking of doing something with her for her birthday since after all, I am her best friend. She told me yesterday that Brandon is working all day tomorrow on her birthday so he made reservations for the two of them to do something during the evening. Arielle told Brandon that she wanted to see me for her birthday and he said that she can see me during the day. This really ticked me off. Since I'm her best friend, he could have been a little considerate and at least asked me if I had anything planned for her birthday, instead of assuming I didn't or not caring and making plans anyways. Me and Arielle were fighting and she told Brandon to text me I guess. He texted me asking why I think he's an inconsiderate ******* and whatnot, so I sent him about a 15 page text telling him EVERYTHING that I basically said above ^. I also told him that I think he's inconsiderate of me and disrespectful and he basically just said "okay well I want to spend time with her and want her to myself sometimes" and I said "sometimes is a lot different than what it's been. I totally understand that she means a lot to you and I respect you with her but I don't get respected by you." All he responded saying was "we're in the beginning of our relationship and I want to spend a lot of time with her but I'm sorry for making you feel like this." And I said "there's honestly no excuse, respect is RESPECT whether you've been married for 10 years or dating for 2 weeks. I can't accept your apology until I see you start to respect me. Sorry if that's harsh but I'm really hurt right now." He then said "Okay Aimee. I wouldn't like to be in your position either" I then started telling him how hurt I was and why he hasn't said a word about anything I said above and he said he has nothing to say because he doesn't agree with certain topics. I told him he was blowing everything off and to explain to me what he didn't agree with and whatever else. I never got a text back from him. Me and Arielle then began to fight because she just kept saying how hard it was for them... I feel like I am the total victim and she isn't acknowledging it. She's letting him slide by without changing anything. He's being a piece of **** to me and she's not stopping it, therefore she's being a piece of **** to me because she represents him. Lots of arguing happened and basically it came down to "I can't be friends with you as long as you're dating him" And I don't know where we stand right now. She made it very clear to me that she's not going to break up with him. Which makes me upset that she has NO doubt she will leave him because they've only been together for 5 months and she's not even 17 years old yet, and I've been there for her and we've been such best friends and I'm just so hurt. She told me that he wants to talk with the three of us alone and work things out. But I really can't see anything working out. I dislike her boyfriend so much, he's a huge disrepsectful *******. What should I do? Was I too harsh? I need help!!

[Rita86]

Hey guys, so this is my story. It's really long so thank you so much if you read it. I'm struggling a lot and I need help and advice and input as soon as possible.

 

I'm 18 years old for starters and my best friend is JUST turning 17. We've been the best of friends for about three years now. We always have a great time together and I've been there for her throughout every obstacle she's faced and vice versa. She started dating this guy (who is 20 going on 21) about 5 1/2 months ago. He's always been very inconsiderate of me and shows no respect to me whatsoever. I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for a 1 1/2 years and he shows my best friend the UP MOST respect. So with Arielle's (my best friend) boyfriend, he just doesn't give a **** about me. I find that to be extremely rude. My boyfriend treats her with respect and everything because he knows it can't workout if my best friend doesn't like him, especially if the reason why she doesn't like him is because of something

he did. So Arielle's boyfriend, Brandon, has slowly but surely gotten on my Bad

side. For starters, on prom night me, Arielle, Brandon, my boyfriend, and a mutual friend who didn't have a date stayed at a hotel together. I made sure Bryan wasn't fifth wheel so I didn't leave him out of the group, although I could have since my boyfriend was there. However, Arielle and Brandon definitely left us all out and did there own thing, and I told Arielle I was upset

and Brandon knew. Brandon very well knew I was upset because they were

leaving everyone out and cuddling and being awkward and he did nothing to

change it. That was strike one where I knew he didn't care.

I'm sorry what? You're upset because a man was cuddling with his gf? You

really have no right to be upset by two people in a relationship acting like two

people in a relationship!! They can do and act however they want regardless of what you deem approriate.

Strike two- I was getting my industrial pierced and Arielle was getting her tragus pierced. Both boyfriends came with us, but Arielle wanted it to be

"our thing" so my boyfriend sat behind the counter when I got my piercing done. So when she got her piercing done, Brandon basically pushed me out of the way and made me let go of her hands and really had no respect or consideration for me like my boyfriend had towards her. I even told Brandon

to stand where my boyfriend was behind the counter and he refused.

Again you are way too involve. Stop acting like it's you vs him. Why does it bother You that her bf chose to be by his gf's side? It hasn't nothing to do with you. You act like you own your best friend. She's not your property. If she didn't want him there then it's up to her to say so. Her boyfriend doesn't

have to give in to your orders.

Strike three- Me and Arielle were hanging out and I asked her if we could have a "no boyfriend" night since she ALWAYS wants to hangout with him. I just wanted some time alone with my best friend. She agreed. She was

Invited to a party so we attended it without our boyfriends. Neither of us cheated or anything, we just had a good time and hungout with some friends,

nothing happened. So Brandon had a big problem with this and having a "no boyfriend" night. I don't understand, can I NOT hangout with my best friend and him being okay with it?

try to look at it from his point of view. You clearly don't like him and you're clearly not a fan of their relationship having you out with his gf is bad news for

him cause he's probably thinking you'll try to hook her up with some dude you like more than him. Can you try to put yourself in his shoes?

And this is what happened last night-Arielle's 17th birthday is tomorrow. Me and Arielle didn't have set plans, but I was thinking of doing something with her for her birthday since after all, I am her best friend. She told me yesterday that Brandon is working all day tomorrow on her birthday so he made reservations for the two of them to do something during the evening.

Arielle told Brandon that she wanted to see me for her birthday and he said that she can see me during the day. This really ticked me off. Since I'm her best friend, he could have been a little considerate and at least asked me if I had anything planned for her birthday, instead of assuming I didn't or not caring and making plans anyways.

again he told you you could see her during the day! How is that not enough? You mean whatever you had planned had to happen in the evening??

Also you complain that he didn't find out if you had plans but what about you? Did you ask him if he had plans? Being her bestfriend does not give you the monopoly to organise her parties.

 

Me and Arielle were fighting and she told Brandon to text me I guess. He texted me asking why I think he's an inconsiderate ******* and whatnot,

so I sent him about a 15 page text telling him EVERYTHING that I basically said above ^. I also told him that I think he's inconsiderate of me and disrespectful and he basically just said "okay well I want to spend time with her and want her to myself sometimes" and I said "sometimes is a lot different

than what it's been. I totally understand that she means a lot to you and I respect you with her but I don't get respected by you." All he responded saying

was "we're in the beginning of our relationship and I want to spend a lot of

time with her but I'm sorry for making you feel like this." And I said "there's

honestly no excuse, respect is RESPECT whether you've been married for 10 years or dating for 2 weeks. I can't accept your apology until I see you start

to respect me. Sorry if that's harsh but I'm really hurt right now." He then

said "Okay Aimee. I wouldn't like to be in your position either" I then started telling him how hurt I was and why he hasn't said a word about anything I said above and he said he has nothing to say because he doesn't agree with

certain topics. I told him he was blowing everything off and to explain to me

what he didn't agree with and whatever else. I never got a text back from him.

Me and Arielle then began to fight because she just kept saying how hard it was for them... I feel like I am the total victim and she isn't acknowledging it.

She's letting him slide by without changing anything. He's being a piece of**** to me and she's not stopping it, therefore she's being a piece of **** to me because she represents him. Lots of arguing happened and basically it came down to "I can't be friends with you as long as you're dating him" And I don't know where we stand right now. She made it very clear to me that she's not going to break up with him. Which makes me upset that she has NO doubt she will leave him because they've only been together for 5 months and she's not even 17 years old yet, and I've been there for her and we've been such best friends and I'm just so hurt. She told me that he wants to talk with the three of us alone and work things out. But I really can't see anything working out. I dislike her boyfriend so much, he's a huge disrepsectful *******. What should I do? Was I too harsh? I need help!!

 

You were way off line. This is all about you. As a friend you Should want her to be happy but you don't care about her happiness you just want her in your Life at all costs. How can you ask her to choose between two people she loves very much. That is the difference between you and her bf. He's looking to arrange things by talking whereas you don't want to discuss things and instead force an ultimatum on someone you claim to care about...

 

Seriously you have some serious growing up to do. You claim He doesn't respect you but it looks like you don't respect their relationship at all.

 

I hope you figure things out.

Btw you may want to post this in the friendship forum, you'll probably get more responses.

[flitzanu]

aimee, sorry love, but you're young. the things you worry about won't matter to you in ten years.

 

if your bff is dating a jerk, so be it. the more you fight it, the more she will pull away from you. go find a new bff if she has her head up his ass.

[flitzanu]

wait, which of the 5 senses is still working with a head up an ass? touch perhaps? hahah.