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Three rebounds,what would you do?


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I lived with my Ex for 4 years.In June 2010 we broke up.I returned to my flat after an argument.There was no dumper or dumpee here we sort of stopped talking/emailing.After that we only emailed about 4 times..some of those were not very nice exchanges.

At the end of Nov 2010 she contacted me again through an email and after a few emails she told me that she was in a relationship.I told her ok good luck and I will disappear from the scene.I was shocked and hurt.Anyway on the 6 Jan 2011 she emailed me again with wishing me a happy new year and she asked me if she could call me.I said if you are still in a relationship NO.

She emailed me back with.. I'm single.So I said ok you can call me.

 

She then told me that in the last 7 months she had 2 relationships the first one starting in July 2010 lasting to beginning of Sept 2010.

The second one from the end of Sept 2010 til beginning of Dec 2010.

And that she had just start dating a new guy about a week after rebound number 2.

Again I was shocked because I didnt realise that she could be like that.

I did ask her if she was willing to give us another go because I was still in love with her and wanted us back together again even though she confessed the rebounds.She said she would think about it.

She emailed me the following day with No sorry I can't do that.

I backed off for about 2 weeks and then got a weak moment and sent her a music track link.She did call me after a few days to thank me and we spoke for about 2 hrs on the phone.She explained she was still seeing rebound no 3 guy but was willing to be friends with me and maybe meet for a drink.

I blew that chance by sending her a nasty email the following day after thinking about everything.

Anyway on the 16 Feb I totally and utterly broke down and in a stupid moment I rang her and cried my eyeballs out and telling her how much I miss and love her and I wanted us back.

 

I know,i know i was weak,pathetic and a total car wreck.

She told me that she was now in a proper relationship with number 3.

We spoke on the phone nearly everyday for the next 10 days for hrs on end.She told me a lot of things I wish now I didnt want to know mainly to do with Number 3 and how mind blowing their sex life was and blah blah.

 

I then decided to N/C I emailed her that I was going to distance myself from her because listening to her and new bf was way to painful for me.

She knew how much I was still in love with her anyway.

I wished her well and said goodbye.

I havent heard since from her.This is about 7 weeks ago.

 

My question is would you give her another chance if she would come back.

I still love her and miss her everyday.I did ask myself could I cope with the fact that I know she has had 3 rebounds since us.

I do feel hurt but I do love her and I could forgive her.

She is a very faithful person and she has got a history of rebounds before our relationship.I know she is insecure and hates being on her own hwnce her decision to deal with things her way after break ups.

 

I haven't met or dated or slept with anyone since our break up.She knows that as well I told her.

 

I would like some feedback please..

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I can't understand why you would want to be with someone cold enough to give you details of their sex life when they obviously know you have feelings for them. It's pretty rude and disgusting and I'd never let her back in my life, but obviously you two have shared something that I haven't with her, so I understand to some degree.

 

My advice, run.

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Bump..I could do with some more honest and useful advice folks.

I didn't go into too much details because I didn't want to make the thread an epic.

 

Anyone please?

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Hi SoulFinger,

 

I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, there isn't very much that you can do until the rebound leaves the picture. She has chosen to be with him over you. I realize this is not what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth. I would read the Law of Attraction thread, it is very helpful for moving on, and read Homebrew's posts as well. I am going through the same thing as you right now and I think about her everyday, even though deep down inside I know she chose to be with another man over me. I am coping with the idea that "if we are meant to be together, we will find each other in the future." :p

It is tough but I think the general consensus on here is that you need to let her go in order for you to get her back. Once she realizes what she is missing, AND she will after 4 years together, you have a much better chance of getting her back. Time and space are your new best friends.

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Hi Johnny,

 

Thanks for your input and I do agree with you that time is what we both need.

I know what I need to do but doing it is as you know the hardest thing.

I read all your threads and yes you are right we are going through a lot of similar things with our exes.

I can truly feel for your situation.I have read so many threads on here including Homebrew's,1784 and many many others.

It helps reading others people's stories and it can also make you sad.

I wear my heart on my sleeve so I'm quite an emotional person.

I admit I have made many mistakes in my relationship but then again who doesn't as we all know no one is perfect and we all make mistakes or make wrong decisions at times.

I can say I have always been faithful,honest,very loving and caring.

I do have a bit of a temper but i'm not violent..it's just mouth lol.

But I do cool off pretty quick..I do not bear grudges.

I believe that we were both guilty at things in our relationship.We both took each other for granted at times.

 

I was just so shocked that she could move on so quick and sleep with them.We were actually engaged and she sold her ring on Ebay in November 2010.I still got mine but maybe I should just sell it as well because after all it doesn't mean anything anymore.

I couldn't and still can't..emotionally and physically I'm still faithful..I know what your going to say but that's just how it is.

 

 

Johnny how are you now?Have you heard from your ex lately and is she still with the last rebound?I hope that you are healing and I know that it is very hard to let go because we all know it's a slow process.

Again thanks for your input Johnny.

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Hi Soulfinger,

 

Ever since we broke up, she has been on my mind. Even though we were far from being in a healthy relationship, there were still a lot of things that I liked about being together with her. You know, those small habits, jokes or cute gestures that are established in a relationship! When I think of her, I think of all the sweet and positive qualities, "our greatest hits" together. Lately, though, I have started to think that only loneliness wants her back with me. We were arguing a lot, and unhappy together. I have started to think about the negative more than the positive and this is helping me realize that perhaps this was the right decision, at least for now, and time will tell what happens. All I know is that I am tired of placing her on a pedestal, especially with her being fine without me. I wouldn't say that she is acting indifferent, but I am not her first choice at the moment. So I am just there for her convenience. Her birthday is coming up soon, and Homebrew has convinced me to avoid sending her a happy birthday wish. After four years together, I would love nothing more than to wish her all the best, but I am starting to feel like she does not deserve my kindness anymore.

 

 

Recently I asked the question whether I should continue to be in her life while she continues to date her new boyfriend. Whenever he was not willing to commit, I was there to heal the pain, give attention and numb her loneliness. Then he would come back, and she would stop contacting me, leaving me all alone with a feeling of shattered hope. When I needed her, she was not there. So, yes, I may stay around and wait for her to miss me and break up with him, and maybe she will come back to me. But who's to say that she won't break my heart in the future? A habit of substituting my love with someone else's was established, and I am afraid that this habit may continue. I have this feeling of pride, or maybe it's self-respect, growing inside of me, and still the feeling of loneliness and missing her still continues to send my heart mixed signals of what to do.

 

Sorry for the long post; I just felt like I needed to vent. I am not going to tell you to do this or stop seeing her, for I know how hard it is to let go. But right now she knows that you are there for her; in fact, she expects you to be there for her when she needs you. Maybe, if you feel that it is right for you, allow her to miss you. Are you OK with just being friends? I know that I am not. I feel like the more time I spend not talking to her, or texting her, the more I am able to let her go. :bunny:

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Hi Johnny,

 

Thanks for your input Johnny. We all need to vent here and your post wasn't too long at all.

I have been at N/C and I mean total N/C for 7 weeks now.

Yes, I do feel that I grow a tiny bit stronger day by day but then I get

a sudden relapse again and start crying again.I guess that's normal but I do get annoyed with myself that I let myself thinking of her again and also let the emotions get the better of me.

 

I read threads on this website everyday because it helps and I'm also on Anti dep since last Aug 2010 and sleeping pill.I know I should try and kick taking the sleeping pill but I tried it about 4 weeks ago and it was bloody hopeless.So yes still on the flipping pills lol.

Oh well,I guess in the near future it will all get better.

 

Like you Johnny I do often think would a second chance be a good thing but deep down I'm not always so sure.

I think it depends on a lot of things.Sure we love them and miss them and wished that things would have turned out differently but the problem is since the break up a lot of things have happened and it is precisely that which bothers me.

 

To answer your question Johnny ,No I could not be a friend with my ex and she knows that anyway I told her that many times.

So it's like you Johnny..it's all or nothing.

I do not settle for half measures..I want it all and why the hell not it should be like that..shouldn't it?

Anyway Johnny I don't want to make this too long and I want you to know that I know where you are coming from regarding the Love,missing and longing for them.It's a biatch and it hurts like hell.

I hope you are doing a bit better today Johnny..hope to hear from you with an update soon.

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Hi Lifeisgreat,

 

Would all the respect in the world but is it as simple as to say..Hell No.

Would you mind telling me why please?Thanks soulfinger.

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Oops sorry I meant to say in my prevoius thread.With all the respect..instead of would all the respect.

Sorry for the typo.

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Hi Soulfinger,

 

It is probably your morning as I am sending you this; as for me, I am staying up too late. :) I think that you need to follow your heart here, Soulfinger. No one knows your ex's positive traits, the things that draw you to her. I think a lot of people are hesitating to give her a second chance because she chose three guys over you. That doesn't essentially mean anything, as you were not together with her while she was dating these guys. Anyhow, I think you need to give her some space. Are you dating any other women at the moment? Let me tell you something, it wasn't until I gave my ex space that she started to miss me. Of course, this brought hope to my heart, I got carried away, and opened up my heart to her. My pride was shot down. That is why so many people on here recommend that you shouldn't do anything until she bangs down your front door and asks you for a second chance. I really feel for you; I know exactly what you are going through. But it isn't until you accept that it is over between you that you can get her back. I am getting there slowly, and so can you. I know this sounds counterintuitive to your main objective, but focus on her negative traits and characteristics. This is really placing things in perspective for me. :bunny:

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Hi Johnny,

 

Thanks for your reply and yes it is morning here a lovely day here in the U.K...sun is shining so it should hopefully be a positive day.

 

I hear what you are saying Johnny and I do know that I should know and think it's over.It's accepting it that is the biggest problem for me somehow I'm still hanging on with hope.Crazy I know but it's true I won't lie.

 

I'm still so in love with her and I shouldn't be I know.I have tried everything and it just won't go away.I'm late 40's so it's not that I haven't got life experience I have but I do9n't think its got anything to do with that..it's a bloody heart things..nostalgia..memories and of course that word Love.

 

No I haven't dated anyone yet I'm still not ready and I do not want to get into anything until I think I am ready.

I know what your going to say..dating soulfinger but even dating isn't something I fancy doing right now my head isn't ready yet.

 

I mhope you get some quality sleep Johnny and I hope you are getting stronger day by day.We are all in the same boat after all and it's great to have a website like this to give each other a helping hand.

Again Johnny thank you and goodnight sleep well.

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In response to your original question...

 

It depends on the breakup on whether I'd be able to get over it or not. From what you described in your situation, it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong. There's nothing immoral about moving on quickly. Painful for you, yeah, but it's her right.

 

So as far as if it came around to a second chance one day I would not hold her dating habits after your relationship against her. However, don't wait around for her. She has obviously moved on and decided to explore a new relationship... Rebounds just mean they are entering into something fresh off a breakup and for comfort, what they turn into can be anything and it sounds like this last one has turned into something for her.

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Thanks Jay for your reply.

I do hear what you say and I know that I would have to accept and forgive her if she ever came back.

I have just found out that she is no longer with rebound number 3 but on the negative side of this is the fact that she has put herself on a dating site again.

So I reckon she is still suffering from Gigs.Oh well, I will keep N/C I haven't broken N/C for nearly 8 weeks now so I'm doing well although I had a very weak moment last night and drafted a short email but didnt do anything with it.I deleted the draft email today after feeling a bit stronger.

 

I will try and be strong and hopefully do not get moments of trying to break the N/C.

I still think about her every day with mixed emotions so I need to think about me first and my sanity.

 

Keep the comments coming folks I really need them.

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