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Is going NC the right path to take?


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So I am new here and hoped to get a few answers to the first thread I posted about my situation but no one responded. I chose to make my own decision and possibly start the infamous NC rule instead of playing with fire.

 

Let me explain my situation some more. I am seeing a guy who started out as FWB. That was over a year ago. Since then it has progressed to a LOT more. We are so into each other. And I can't really explain it to you guys to convince you that it really is quite a spark of chemistry between the two of us. We have not fought once and he constantly contacts me, it's always him wanting to ask me if I wanna hang out. He won't go a day without texting or calling me to see what I'm up to.

 

I think he loves me but won't even admit it to himself. All of the signs are there but not the words. He calls me chica bonita every day. He took me to meet his family for thanksgiving last year who lives 4 hours away and they mean the world to him. He bought me a photographers camera to support my love of photography. He buys my dinner and movies all the time. The only thing that separates us from an actual couple is the label. Well... and he won't do anything in front of public or our friends which concerns me. And I can't ever express my feelings or it'll freak him out. He makes it clear he still does not want a relationship. Even after a year. It may have to do with his last gf of 6 years cheating on him and leaving him a year ago (just before we got together). But he says it's because he needs to figure himself out before he has time to figure someone else out. Bs.

 

I am in love with him. He knows this. And when he guessed at it and I confirmed, he seemed thrilled and happy. But apparently not happy enough.

 

This whole situation is hurting the hell out of my emotions. Technically he is not mine and so he can end up with anyone he wants and I have to sit with that on my conscience constantly. I keep getting paranoid that of the 2 days a week I don't see him he is out testing the waters.

 

My only option is ending this because obviously he won't be ready for any kind of commitment for a long time if he isn't ready by now. And it hurts me a lot. I have walked away twice but he cried and told me to stay and go with the flow. He said he was not ready or willing to lose me because I am the nicest most caring person he knows. But I still am not happy in this. I want him for myself. I want him not to be afraid to hold my hand in public and tell me how he cares about me. But he never does. So I have no choice but to not contact him anymore. This will kill him, I know it. We work at the same place together so i may have to see him on the weekend and briefly on mondays and tuesdays. But I will have to pass it off.

 

If I go NC does anyone here think he'll realize what he really had with me? I am so heart broken!

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So sorry this is so long! It's like a novel. Forgive me guys... I just had to get it all out lol.

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NC is solely for yourself to move on, to realize you can be happy.

 

Anyway, why would you want a man who wants be with you for FWB and not being committed to you?

 

If he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will take the sincere action to chase you.

 

Personally, this is NC for me.

 

NC is mainly and solely for yourself, for yourself to move on from the past broken and failed relationship and discover what you can do for yourself without your ex being in your life anymore.

 

That little hope that he/she will come back for you will only hinder your healing process. This may sound cruel and mean to some of you but it is the fact if you do want to start moving forward and be happy again.

 

If your ex bf/gf is truly in love with you and realize they made the BIGGEST mistake, let him/her be the one to initiate the SINCERE contact and action to get you back. By then, you would have already moved on and will be able to think logically if he/she is worth to be with again, whether this once broken relationship is worth to relive again. Whether, this very person is serious in working things out with you and be truly committed to you and not dropping you off again.

 

Most of the cases we see over ih this forum are usually breadcrumbs (of course I do believe there are exes that come back sincerely and real for their exes), the reasons why Dumpees pick on breadcrumbs so easily because generally they are still having romantic feelings for their exes and still most likely questioning themselves why their exes chose to leave them and blaming themselves over what caused the years of relationship to end.

 

Dumpers made their own choice to leave the Dumpees. In each and every relationship, no one is always right, and no one is always at fault. We learned from our mistakes and be a better person. However, if one of a individual in a relationship refuses to work things out with his/her partner, no matter how compatible the couple is, the couple will face issue of sustaining the relationship. At this moment, the couple had different thoughts and ideals in the relationship. The Dumper wants out of the relationship and the Dumpee still sees hope in the relationship.

 

If Dumpers makes the first contact with the Dumpee, do not over analyze the intention from the Dumper because it can mean so many reasons:

 

- It could mean the Dumper misses spending time with Dumpee, just spending time but nothing about getting back with the Dumpee.

 

- It could mean the Dumper just wants to come back to be Dumpee's friend and nothing more.

 

- It could also mean the Dumper just wants to come back to treat the Dumpee as a fall back plan or the most cruel one to come back for Dumpee for lust.

 

Any Dumpees who haven't move on may fall into any of the above traps if they are not careful, that's why we always hear about cases people breaking NC because their exes contact them once or twice or thrice and they start to think that their exes are coming back for them for real.

 

Remember, when they dropped you the break up bomb, they left you there, they left you crying alone, they left you questioning them, they left you feeling dejected, they left you blaming yourselves. They left you not willing to work any problems out with you and ultimately you felt the blow that you cause the relationship to end (which in fact it is never 1 person's fault for a relationship to come to an end.)

 

If they just come back like this, do think properly if they are really serious coming back for you or not. Because, if the Dumper is not being serious, the Dumpee will end up being hurt again.

 

NC is never about a game and a tool to use to get your exes back. NC is for yourself to discover what you missed out in life when you were with your ex, NC is for yourself to discover what you can do so much in your life, NC is for yourself to realize what and who you've been neglecting when you are with your ex. NC is about getting your life back again and be even happier without your ex in your life.

 

NC could be a stranger and seems scary to all the Dumpees from the beginning, however when time sets in, NC will be your best friend and the support you will get to regain yourself back will come from NC itself.

 

My all-time favorite quote, "You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for."

What I learned for myself from this whole ordeal is that one's true happiness cannot be relied and depended on another person.

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Thank you so much for your reply fufu. We're not even in an actual relationship and no one is dumping the other, technically. But I am simply moving on because if he cared enough he would want to be with me by now. Issues or not.

 

It's just really going to be very difficult for me to choose NC but I have to because I need so much more from a guy and I know it's out there if I get over this guy. NC is my only option because the last time I walked away I told him we can only be friends and nothing more. Well we still hung out and I was still attaching myself emotionally because he was right in front of me. He started making subtle gestures and one thing led to another... I was back in. Sigh.

 

NC will help me move on. It's no doubt going to be hard on both of us but obviously very much harder on me. We talk every single day and see each other almost every day. I am a rare catch and I am in no way saying this to be conceited. He knows how different I am. Maybe he'll realize he really lost something but I can't dwell on it.

 

I made a lunch date for today so that I could tell him I am letting go and to give me my space. It's in an hour. NC here I come :(

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Oh and also, it's nowhere near FWB now. Nothing about it. We don't have sex much. And when we do he doesn't just leave we go out and do something or stay in and watch a movie. It mimics a relationship but it's open. And I am so not okay with that. Neither of us have seen other people. He tells me he doesn't want a girlfriend for a long time and it's not me that is wrong.

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I post a lot but can someone PLEASE please help? I told him tonight that I will not be seeing him til Saturday at work. It's only Monday. For the last year I have brought and bought him dinner at work on his shift and visited with him. So just before I left I, like I just said, told him I'd see him Saturday. He looked very surprised and upset at this, since we see each other at least every other day. He asked why and I told him because I couldn't keep doing this and i need to move on (this is my 3rd time saying this keep in mind). He said, "Nooooo! Come on." And then he had a guest come so he had to help them. So I waited by the door. After the guest left he came and gave me a hug and a kiss and said "Bye chica bonita I'll call you after work." as if I hadn't said anything! It is so frustrating. He never accepts it when I try walking away. Maybe he just assumes I am not serious and that I'll come back. Who the heck knows.

 

I mean the man looked DEVASTATED when I said see you Saturday. I have to stick to my word though. He needs to know I am serious. Why does he always look so genuinely sad when I try walking away? Why won't he just call me his girlfriend and make it official if it hurts him so much?

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