10yearsgone Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 Im going out to a hockey game with my ex next weekend, first time I will have done anything with her in about 6 months, and I just need some guidance on what to say, what to do…she has clearly said its not a date, and we are going only as friends. I don’t know what I hope to come out of this, just looking for a string of hope to cling onto. I guess im wondering, has anyone experienced a re-kindling of something, when the situation seems hopeless? It seems she has no romantic feelings for me whatsoever, but we were together (bf&gf) for 10 years, and were engaged. Its been rough for me lately for some reason, I just cant/don’t want to let go. I know I shouldn’t bring up the past, or talk about the future, any guidance anyone can give will be much appreciated. Im so desperate for just a glimmer of hope, ill do anything…. Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
mr.goodguy Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 How did you guys get back in touch and arrange going to a hockey game? Who initiated? Who paid for the tickets? Honestly, play it cool, don't sound needy...I hope you've changed in the six months since you've broken up (attire, attitude, physique...something). Whatever you changed about yourself, she'll notice. If it's a 'friend' meet up, don't buy her a drink, she's a big girl and makes big girl money. Plus the act of buying a drink is reserved for people dating and you definitely don't want to throw her too many signs that would push her away. Let her bring up past relationship stuff...but don't get too involved with the conversation, and remind her of a few instances from the past that were positive, then switch topics and talk about hockey. It'll help build sexual tension as she'll begin to remember what she misses. Side question: which teams are playing? sorry had to ask. (I'm in NC at the moment, hopefully I can get to your stage...let us know how things turn out) Link to post Share on other sites
fresh8 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 Yep, just try to be a friend. I guess the aim should be to make it comfortable enough for her to suggest a second get together. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 10yearsgone Posted March 19, 2011 Author Share Posted March 19, 2011 Love this forum, i should have come here months ago! thanks for the advice thus far, man is it a huge help, and its keeping me sane! sometimes the simplest advice is best, good call on the not buying drinks thing, i wouldnt have thought of that. Teams that are playing, Blackhawks vs. Anaheim ducks i believe (im in a chicago suburb), go hawks! i actually initiated the game, and paid for tickets. she had turned me down a while back, and i just said screw it and asked again...and got a sure. BTW, i guess i should mention i thought she didnt care about anything i did, but she did drive by my house a while back on her way somewhere (she lives and hour away) and was telling a mututal friend she saw another car in the driveway...why would she even care? oh and yes, i have changed immensely...attire, in better shape (thanks p90x!) and mostly, ATTITUDE! Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Share Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) Couple of question for you 10YearsGone: Were you in NC, if so how long did you not speak for? How did the break up come about? Who initiated the contact? Thanks 2011 P.S. I looked at your original post so now have my answers to above! Edited March 19, 2011 by 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Did you read my "So you want a second chance" thread? Everything you need to know about how to handle an Ex is in there. Honestly I wouldn't go into anything with an Ex with high hopes. The reason for breaks ups is because they were broken, for whatever reason. Some things you just can't fix but you can dust yourself off and move on to bigger, better things. Cheers, mate. Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 She may also flake at the last moment, watch out for that one. If she does just say that is fine but you'll need to make it up to me some other way. Don't appear pissed off about it. 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
mr.goodguy Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 Yeah she could flake. if she does I wouldn't say "that is fine but you'll need to make it up to me some other way". That puts a lot of pressure on her...she may not know how you mean it...you may not know how you mean it either. I agree with 2011, don't be pissed off! Just be like "that's cool"..leave it at that and take someone else. As she knows you're really excited to go to this thing with her, your indifference at her not going will probably drive her nuts. Hell, you might even be sitting beside a couple hot women at the game, who knows. However if she follows through and goes to the game, play it cool as discussed before. Go Leafs...oh wait they suck again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 10yearsgone Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 just read you second chance thread caliguy, its good info. I go through stages of being ok for a while, then i have a private meltdown, its hard to let it all go after 10 years. Ive been pretty good of late, which is why i presume, im able to go on an outing with her (cant call it a date). Doesnt appear shes flaking out. I was going to pick her up, but she wants to go out in the city afterwards. I played it cool saying ok, no problem, i can meet you at the game, but she said she is excited to go cuz she has never been to a hockey game before, so thats good! just need to get it in my head that she is dating other people, and that its ok, and that its something she needs to do. Ive been working out hardcore for sat!!! hoping i can make a good impression after not seeing her for a month or so at least. what about after the date? should i go NC for a while and see if she initiates anything? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 just read you second chance thread caliguy, its good info. I go through stages of being ok for a while, then i have a private meltdown, its hard to let it all go after 10 years. Ive been pretty good of late, which is why i presume, im able to go on an outing with her (cant call it a date). Doesnt appear shes flaking out. I was going to pick her up, but she wants to go out in the city afterwards. I played it cool saying ok, no problem, i can meet you at the game, but she said she is excited to go cuz she has never been to a hockey game before, so thats good! just need to get it in my head that she is dating other people, and that its ok, and that its something she needs to do. Ive been working out hardcore for sat!!! hoping i can make a good impression after not seeing her for a month or so at least. what about after the date? should i go NC for a while and see if she initiates anything? If I were in your shoes I would just not go to the game with her and act like she's the plague. Again, if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. You're just there to be her wing man, nothing more, nothing less. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 just read you second chance thread caliguy, its good info. I go through stages of being ok for a while, then i have a private meltdown, its hard to let it all go after 10 years. Ive been pretty good of late, which is why i presume, im able to go on an outing with her (cant call it a date). Doesnt appear shes flaking out. I was going to pick her up, but she wants to go out in the city afterwards. I played it cool saying ok, no problem, i can meet you at the game, but she said she is excited to go cuz she has never been to a hockey game before, so thats good! just need to get it in my head that she is dating other people, and that its ok, and that its something she needs to do. Ive been working out hardcore for sat!!! hoping i can make a good impression after not seeing her for a month or so at least. what about after the date? should i go NC for a while and see if she initiates anything? Why are you putting yourself in this situation? Seriously, she's dictating the rules and you're in a heap as to how you should act with her? She's NOT YOUR FRIEND. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 10yearsgone Posted March 27, 2011 Author Share Posted March 27, 2011 This turned out to be a great idea! i wasnt getting great vibes through text leading up to the event, thinking she didnt really want to go, and that it was more of a chore. After the initial awkwardness of not really doing anything with her for almost 6 months, the conversation started, and we talked, a lot! i dont think we watched a lot of the game because we talked so much...it was mostly about catching up, and talking as friends, nothing about the past or future, or relationship problems. Clearly she still is thinking of our relationship status as friends, but this was a great start towards her seeing that im different, and breaking the ice. at the end, i dropped her at her car, got out to give her a hug, and she said "ok, you can call me if you want now." this was a great night, i would have paid 10 times as much just to be with her again like this. Anyone have any advice for my next step? im thinking i stay NC until she contacts me first? Link to post Share on other sites
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