I think I figured it all out...

[Lovesucks79]

Hello to all,

 

Quick summary of relationship. Together off and on for 5 years... 3 Year old daughter. Lived together most of the time we have known eachother. I messed up and lied to her about something I should have said the truth about and didn't appreciate her. She was mean and hit me a lot sometimes leaving scratch marks all over my body and head. Couldn't take it anymore so I shut myself off. Nearing the end of the relationship she gets reaquainted with an old friend and he is there for her when she is vulnerable... blah blah.. you get what happens next. Next thing i know we are moving out and she just completely was mean and rude to me. she says she needs to be single and free and all the other bs excuses girls use to break up with guys. never said a wod about this new guy. Now they are dating eachother for about 2 months.

 

I was hurt and depressed... How could the mother of my child be that way to me and do all this to me and then act like she is being all family with this guy and his kids and my daughter. Now I know most say strict no contact at first. I prefer LC instead. That way you can still put yourself in their head and then disappear so they miss you. Its like a hot and cold game. When she came to pick up my daughter from my place she was all smiling and shy and starry eyed when she saw me... You know... wide eyes and mouth slightly open. Just genuinely happy to see you. I made it short and sweet hi hows it going bye take care you know.... Next time she came to pick up my daughter she was being flirty and same body language as before and also showing off her new hair do asking what I thought. I was polite and said she looked good and we chatted a little and she left. Inbetween these times i would text her or sometimes she would text me but more after the second time we saw eachother after the break up. During a talk we had a little after the hair do bit she said she wanted to be friends and be civil and parents. I agreed to be civil and a good parent but I told her I can't be her friend because I wanted something different. Plus I told her that I am not her mans back up. I repeat not your mans back up. I have more self respect then that. She got silent and didnt talk to me til later that night.

 

So you see how I have built it up at the beginning and then put her down but in a respectful way. She didnt know how to take it. Anytime you can make your ex not say anything when you say something to them you can guarantee that it sunk in deep. Then I found out a bunch of lies and found out she emotionally cheated on me with her current guy. I told her that she betrayed my trust and I didnt want to speak to her ever again and left it at that. So we didnt talk for a week and a half and finally hashed some things out when we did speak. I had a lot of time to reflect since I didnt run into a rebound or anything so I emailed an apology letter. Ya I know they say hand written but this is 2011... They get the effin point. Dug deep down inside me for answers and started to remember some of the little things she would complain about and went with it. Make sure you write down points before you write your email. If it comes across wroing she will bolt. Remember, you arent her man anymore. She read it and didnt say anything to me about it. GOOD SIGN that means she really took it all in. I exercised a bit of NC for a day or so and then she started texting like all the time. I just play it cool. I dont get upset about the boyfriend and I just concentrate on me. I work out a lot... Body is looking nice now. Its all about regaining your self worth and taking back your power. Dont let your ex dictate how you dance around... dance around on your own.

 

Once I regained my self worth and took my power back my ex respects me now and because I didnt beg and try to get her back she is persuing me because she knows who the real deal is and it aint the new guy.

 

Take your time and watch the signs but dont say anything about it... just let it flow naturally and you can bet she is seeing your reaction to her hints too.

 

Make yourself desirable... Take care of yourself... date around a bit or atleast just say you date even if you dont. My ex is now all crushed that I have a girl i see. But it isnt anything at all realy... just two friends hanging out. Im not ready for anything more right now.

 

Now today is valentines day and she went out of her way to say happy valentines day to me. I thought it was sweet and told her I appreciated it. All while she has a man... my guess not for long because she knows I am the real deal and buddy boy could never be me.

 

SO PUT YOUR CHIN UP AND QUIT BEING A WUSSY AND RESPECT THAT THEY HAVE ENDED IT AND MOVE ON.... NOT FOREVER THOUGH... JUST LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE THE HURTING STOP... AND IF THEY HAVE A NEW MAN DONT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AT ALL.... PRETEND THAT IT IS NOT EVEN HAPPENING AND THEN SHE SEES YOU RESPECT HER AND HER DECISIONS AND SHE STARTS TO FEEL AGAIN.... GET IT???????????

[gator12]

You have a good head on your shoulders. You maintained your dignity throughout the breakup aaaaand most importantly learned what the flaws in the relationship were. You are literally a model of a dumpee, if you should get back together I am confident it will be better than before. It's still gonna be work but you are clearly ready to handle it. Your ex is lucky and I truly hope she realizes that, good luck to you

 

-Gator

[wildcars]

Lovesucks79,

 

I am so glad of what you have just posted.

 

My situation is very similar with yours..

 

And i'm moving on nicely..

 

I hope one day she will realize what she wants...