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Ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, and texts me this...


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My ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. Called me yesterday to thank me for helping her through her struggles and made me promise to call her if I ever needed to talk. I didn't promise. She just called me, but I didn't pick up. She sent me a text msg saying, "Hey Eric, I'm just checking in...wanting to make sure you're ok...and to let you know that I am thinking of you!!!" I haven't replied yet.

 

What do I do?? I want her back so badly. I love her so much and she means the world to me. I read the NC guide but I don't know what to do. FML

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TheLoneSock
"Hey Eric, I'm just checking in...wanting to make sure you're ok...and to let you know that I am thinking of you!!!"

 

Translation: "Hey Eric, I'm having second thoughts and I need reassurance that you're still there pining for me just in case I change my mind."

 

This text has nothing to do with you, it was about her, trust me.

 

Best thing you can do? Continue to ignore her. Show her nothing but strength. If you find yourself unable to do this and must respond, keep it something like this, "I'm doing fine, thanks for the thought."

 

Without knowing the full details of what happened I can only surmise. My advice would probably still be the same though. Keep us posted bud.

Edited by TheLoneSock
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txsilkysmoothe

I think she is being cruel or fails to understand the definition of "break-up."

 

Maybe she never wanted to break-up, but wanted you to beg her to stay. NOT COOL!

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Yep, this message is just to help her, not you at all. I got the same from my ex when we broke up last Thursday night. She txt's me 7:30am in the morning with a similar message.

 

It sent a real physical jolt through my system when I got it, but I ignored it - strongly recommend you do too mate.

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DenverBachelor
She just called me, but I didn't pick up. She sent me a text msg saying, "Hey Eric, I'm just checking in...wanting to make sure you're ok...and to let you know that I am thinking of you!!!"

 

Hey! Sorry I couldn't answer but I had two hookers all over me and the game on and cake everywhere from my friends celebrating one less bitch in my life -- but thanks for the courtesy call."

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DustySaltus

The best response is complete and utter silence. If she truly cared about you she wouldn't send you that text. She would back off and not make this situation any more difficult than it is. I know you love her but you have to love yourself more.

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Well, I took TheLoneSock's advice. I felt bad for not saying anything, so I replied, "I'm doing fine, thanks for the thought."

 

Her reply: "I'm really worried about you...if you need anything I'm here for you anytime of day or night!!!"

 

Me: "If you are there for me anytime day or night then why the breakup? You left me when I needed you the most. You took my breath away then you took my heart away. I didn't want this at all but you do so I respect you and your decision."

 

Her: "Eric I care about you deeply but I need some time. I'm also bogged down with a lot...work is getting tougher and tougher everyday..."

 

Me: "I tried my best and I'm sorry it wasn't good enough."

 

Her: "Eric please don't do this, you are better than good, maybe too good, that's why I let go. You have no idea how I have tortured myself, please don't do this!!!!!! :'("

 

Me: "I know you can't ever have kids again, but I was willing to sacrifice that to be with you. That's how badly I love you."

 

Her: "You are a good man and deserve a family of your own, also a woman who hasn't been around the block."

 

Me: "We can't decide who we want to be with, it just happens. We are both a little rough around the edges but no one is perfect."

 

Then we just talked about some BS about her kids and told me to call her tomorrow so we can talk. I kept my cool and never showed any anger or frustration. She got a divorce, graduated nursing school, got a high stress/level nursing job, and is selling a house and trying to buy a new one all at the same time. I know she's under a great deal of stress all at once. We'll see how tomorrow goes...maybe I'll just not call her. Anyways, wanted to keep you posted Socks. Thanks again...and I know it's not fair to me that she keeps trying to converse with me, but I honestly feel bad she has so much on her plate all at once. The harder part, however, I can't just be her friend to help her through this (too hard, especially if she finds a new guy). Again, we'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

Cheers

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DenverBachelor
Well, I took TheLoneSock's advice. I felt bad for not saying anything, so I replied, "I'm doing fine, thanks for the thought."

 

Her reply: "I'm really worried about you...if you need anything I'm here for you anytime of day or night!!!"

 

Me: "If you are there for me anytime day or night then why the breakup? You left me when I needed you the most. You took my breath away then you took my heart away. I didn't want this at all but you do so I respect you and your decision."

 

Her: "Eric I care about you deeply but I need some time. I'm also bogged down with a lot...work is getting tougher and tougher everyday..."

 

Me: "I tried my best and I'm sorry it wasn't good enough."

 

Her: "Eric please don't do this, you are better than good, maybe too good, that's why I let go. You have no idea how I have tortured myself, please don't do this!!!!!! :'("

 

Me: "I know you can't ever have kids again, but I was willing to sacrifice that to be with you. That's how badly I love you."

 

Her: "You are a good man and deserve a family of your own, also a woman who hasn't been around the block."

 

Me: "We can't decide who we want to be with, it just happens. We are both a little rough around the edges but no one is perfect."

 

Cheers

 

Dusty was right. This is really a clear textbook reason why you go into NC and stay there.

 

a) You replied -- bad

b) You brought up the relationship and breakup -- bad

c) You sounded desperate -- bad

d) You can't take no for an answer -- bad

 

You just don't give her a reply. You don't do anything. Let her go crazy with silence instead of bathing in your desperation.

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StarrySkyBlue

Stick to the NC! If you don't want to be 'cruel' and just disappear, tell her that you need some time of no contact to try to move on and ask her to respect that.

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Her: "Eric please don't do this, you are better than good, maybe too good, that's why I let go. You have no idea how I have tortured myself, please don't do this!!!!!! :'("

 

I don't understand, what did she mean by "please don't do this" - does it mean 'please don't end contact and hate her' or 'please stop going on about the breakup & reasons'.

 

She could just be testing you and want you to beg her to come back. Girls always do stuff like this, they breakup with you just to get you to beg for them back, and they enjoy being begged to. If this is the case just go NC because even if you beg and get back together, she'll be hella bossy and take advantage of you and everything will be on her terms.

 

She also could have really wanted to break up, but is now having second thoughts. If this is the case you still have to go NC because you trying to convince her might just clear up her doubts.

 

However, she could have wanted to break up, and still does, but is just trying to string you along until she finds someone else. When your in a relationship it can really suck when your single so many people string. If this is the case then obviously you need to go NC, or else you'll be stringed along.

 

I can't think of any other reasons why she would act like that. But in any case, go NC. You've already broke NC and done lots of damage, at least now go NC - you can still convince her that your ok with everything.

Edited by spyyder
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TheLoneSock

Well break ups are very rarely cut and dry simple. My best advice was actually to not engage her at all, but I can understand why you needed to get that out of your system. Now that you've done that, you need to realize that it's not going to get you anywhere. Two specific lines from her explain exactly why:

 

"Eric I care about you deeply but I need some time. I'm also bogged down with a lot...work is getting tougher and tougher everyday..."

 

This is a line right out of a break up textbook. Millions of guys have heard something like this before you. In a healthy, loving relationship you lean on your partner and get through these 'tough times' together. What did she do? She ENDED the relationship, and now expects to retain all the perks of having a good man in her life. This is completely unacceptable, and just another example of using you as a crutch while she gains enough strength to fully move on from you.

 

"Eric please don't do this, you are better than good, maybe too good, that's why I let go. You have no idea how I have tortured myself, please don't do this!!!!!! :'("

 

Another one right out of a textbook. She builds you up and tells you how great you are, yet clearly she doesn't think you are good enough for her, because she dumped you. This is not benevolence, she is not letting you go 'for your own good', it doesn't work like that. She then plays the martyr, talks about her suffering and how hard it has been for her. Followed by begging you not to... what? Accept the break up and move on? Exactly.

 

I can tell by the way this break up is going, and by the way she is acting, that the relationship wasn't a healthy one, therefore this break up is a good thing Eric. Good for you especially. At this point you need to draw the line and move on. This means cutting off all communication with her. Do not be her crutch, and don't confuse what's happening right now with her having genuine feelings, because they aren't. She will go through a plethora of feelings, just like you will, and she'll probably land on the stance of "He abandoned me in my time of need!" because women have strange coping mechanisms, whatever, that's her problem not yours.

 

Obviously my advice is do not call her today or at all anymore, and do not accept incoming calls or texts from her anymore, she will get the hint. Remember, you are not hurting her, you're merely giving her exactly what she asked for.

 

Everything happens for a reason. You'll find a better woman, there are lots of good ones out there. Just trust yourself.

Edited by TheLoneSock
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I had a similar experience from my ex, tried ignoring them but kept getting 'thinking of you' texts. Culminated in her sending me a text at 2am saying something along the lines of '...i loved you as much as I could...' (honestly couldn't really tell you; it was 2am and I was asleep!). Replied a couple of days after via email for her to f*** off out of my life.

 

In the end; for me; her sending those messages actually made me realise how selfish she was and how much better off without her I was. It does get easier and sometimes, very quickly :p

 

Sorry to hear you're going through hard time too though.

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I had to send my ex a "No Contact" email the other night, asking her not to contact me. Worked well so far! Highly recommend you give it a try to help move yourself on.

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DustySaltus

Information is such as valuable resource especially when there is a lack of it. Let her live with her decision. She has lost all rights to know about ANYTHING that's going on in your life. You have to focus on yourself but don't ever let someone off the hook that thought they would be better off without you in their life.

 

I agree with everything Sock has said. She wants the breakup without the guilt. She doesn't want you to hate her. You have to get to a stage of INDIFFERENCE that path to that stage starts with no contact.

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whatadeer26

I got the I need a break to think about my life and everything also. Then someone gave me this advice.

 

If things outside the relationship disrupt your relationship. Then it is not a good relationship.

 

My girlfirend went through horrible family troubles and pushed me away. As much as I loved her I did the same pathetic things you did. Leave with pride, stop thinking there is hope. It is hard because I still hold onto it also, but we need to both move on with our lives.

 

Best of luck though. I know exactly how and what you are feeling.

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Hey guys n’ gals. Thanks for the advice. It’s truly appreciated! It’s been especially difficult for me because I have the whole week off and I’m idle. I know, idle is bad! Anyways, she called/txt me on Wed. and I just had to talk to someone because I was losing my mind and really depressed, so I picked up. She is always trying to fight with me even though I don’t say anything negative. I even stated several times, I’m not here to fight with you. Anyways, she said she had to go because she was falling asleep and she said she would call me Thursday (yesterday), so I said “I still love you” and she said the same and we hung up. I know, MISTAKE!!!!!!!

 

So yesterday came and went and she never called. I got upset even though I shouldn’t have because I’m just getting strung along. I finally got over it and was able to fall asleep. Now Friday, about 10 minutes ago, she just called twice and I never picked up and she text, “just tried calling twice…and nada…” I deleted it and I’m trying to stay strong and ignore her. I know she feels superior to me because she has a house and a career going for her and I have neither. It’s freaking tough because things were so perfect at the start of the relationship until her ex husband and daughters started causing trouble. On top of it she’s bi-polar and under a great amount of stress. It took A LOT out of me because I used to be positive and upbeat when we first met and by the time she ended things I was a pathetic individual. I know some of you will bash her, but I’ve seen the good in her and that’s what I fell in love with, so please refrain from negative comments.

 

As for me, I am just going NC for a while and letting her figure things out. As for how long, I don’t know. I’ve never had NC with someone before. At least during the NC phase I can build myself back up again and reconnect with some friends, but it’s still very hard. Thank you all for your support!

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Hop_prophet

LISTEN to what these people are saying. They know what they are talking about because they have done the same things you are doing and they learned the hard way.

 

It would be nice to see someone actually follow the advice on LS but it never happens. Yes you obviously know what to do. Hang out with your friends and get through it. In fact give your phone to one of your friends and have them call you if something important comes up. Unplug your computer and unhook all the cables.

 

I hope you update us in a week with news that you are still in NC. My bet is you don't last more than a day or two.

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Hop_prophet

LMAO,

 

I just told you to give your phone away and have them call you. That advice is golden. Hopefully that will give you a laugh. Anyway I still think you should give it away or at least delete her number.

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WTF! She just text me this, "Glad to see you have moved on and are ignoring me...take care!!! Btw thanks for ignoring my calls..." I didn't reply.

 

This is ****ing hard...I feel like if I don't talk to her she'll move on, but I feel if I do talk to her, she'll keep stringing me along and keep me in the inferior position. :(

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Have you actually asked her not to contact you again? Some times you need to spell it out.

No because I do want a second chance and she's the one that broke things off to say she needs space/time because she has a lot going on right now and can't make a relationship work. I feel like if I said straight up NC that it would never give me another chance. Blah, relationships suck when they come to this!

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TheLoneSock
WTF! She just text me this, "Glad to see you have moved on and are ignoring me...take care!!! Btw thanks for ignoring my calls..." I didn't reply.

 

This is ****ing hard...I feel like if I don't talk to her she'll move on, but I feel if I do talk to her, she'll keep stringing me along and keep me in the inferior position. :(

 

For a girl who's finished nursing school, had children and gone through a messy relationship before, she is immature as hell. This is total and pure manipulation. Ignore her. This is just as much of a TEST to see if you have the balls to erase her from your life as it is manipulative.

 

She's basically daring you. She doesn't think you have the gall to do it so she plays these mind games to get you back into her control. See through the bull****, refuse to be taken advantage of and be a man - cut her out of your life. The instant you show her strength she will forget all about how much 'power' she thinks she has over you. This girl is bad news and any mature woman on here will advise you of the same thing.

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She's basically daring you. She doesn't think you have the gall to do it so she plays these mind games to get you back into her control. See through the bull****, refuse to be taken advantage of and be a man - cut her out of your life. The instant you show her strength she will forget all about how much 'power' she thinks she has over you. This girl is bad news and any mature woman on here will advise you of the same thing.

 

I'm not giving in. I just feel bad because I've seen the good in her and now she's under great stress and I'm the punching bag. I'm done being a punching bag though, so NC it is. It's going to such but in the end it'll be worth it!...I hope :p

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TheLoneSock
I'm not giving in. I just feel bad because I've seen the good in her and now she's under great stress and I'm the punching bag. I'm done being a punching bag though, so NC it is. It's going to such but in the end it'll be worth it!...I hope :p

 

It is worth it, trust me. Do yourself a huge favor and remove any reminder of her from sight. Pictures, emails, her number, notes/cards, gifts - bag and tag them all.

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Can I ask you a question?

 

Do you feel at all like she's abused you?

 

If the answer is "yes". No contact is the way to go.

 

Anytime anyone treats you like their punching bag, it's time to walk. They need to do more to prove themselves to you than by saying "thanks for ignoring my calls". You know what I mean jelly bean?

 

I've left someone who abused me and they stalked me for years. It was tough to break free from them but I did and my life is sooooooo much better for it.

 

Hang in and come here for support!!!

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