Does he really want me back, or is he just lonely/horny?

[Scarlett513]

I have been on and off with this guy since October. We've broken up a total of 3 times. Once him breaking up with me, the other times, me breaking up with him because I felt I wasn't being heard, and that my opinions/feelings didn't matter to him (if you want specifics, check out my other threads). Also, it's frustrating to discuss things with him because he would just twist things around and make it my fault (i.e., i'm controlling, crazy, paranoid, etc...).

 

The last time I broke up with him, we'd only been officially "back together" for a week - during which time, there were 4 incidents of this stuff, I got fed up, and ended it (not because I wanted to but because I felt like I had no choice). I went NC and we stayed that way for a month.

 

A month later, he pops up again. He says he wants to try things again, he misses me, blah blah. Now I am like a moth to a flame with this guy. I don't know what it is about him, but it's like I can't stay away. We have a lot of chemistry personality-wise and amazing sex, which I guess doesn't hurt. Anyway, I didn't trust myself so I was going to ignore his initial contact but I caved. Now for the past 2 weeks we've been in this dance of talking things over, and I made the mistake of sleeping with him on one occasion (we have seen each other twice).

 

We've talked about things and he seems to understand that starting up again would be a slow process, and he does also seem to understand what he did wrong. He explained himself in regards to the 4 instances that week, and seems to get why I was upset. His explanations as to his side do make sense so I can see both sides. Anyway, more than a few of his texts have been sexual in nature, and I am worried that he is missing the sex and/or the IDEA of me rather than actually missing me. I have discussed this with him (rather, I kind of freaked out after we had sex and I started thinking he was using me). He swears it's about more than that. But at the same time, I feel like if he wants me back, shouldn't he be trying harder to show me that I matter to him as a person and not just a sexual object?

 

Is that all he wants from me, and is this even about me at all?? I really care about him and I am so drawn to him. I absolutely WISH things could work out for the two of us. But I don't want to play games and I'm not sure what his intentions are. What he says is that he wants me in his life in whatever way I'll allow. I just can't help this nagging feeling that he's just missing the sex or attention. Then again, this is the first time he's actually been open to discussing the things that he did wrong and accepted fault for them. I want to give him another chance but I don't want to get caught up in games and wind up hurt again. Do I write him off completely? Should I tell him straight up we can hang out and see where things go but no sex for now? He says he'd be fine with that but should I test that?

 

If you read all that, thank you so much.

[romango]

Is that all he wants from me, and is this even about me at all?? I really care about him and I am so drawn to him. What he says is that he wants me in his life in whatever way I'll allow. I just can't help this nagging feeling that he's just missing the sex or attention. I want to give him another chance but I don't want to get caught up in games and wind up hurt again. Do I write him off completely? Should I tell him straight up we can hang out and see where things go but no sex for now? He says he'd be fine with that but should I test that?

 

If you read all that, thank you so much.

 

 

Yes, it is about you. From what you posted it sounds like he's playing you for some action. What your dignity and conscience will allow is up to you. Try your test of "no sex" if you need confirmation. I don't think you can.

[ma2b]

It sounds like you should just forget about him but, just in case maybe you should try the no sex thing and see how it goes.

[sugarmomma]

I would set a firm boundary letting him know that this is the last time that you are gonna try to make things work. I lot of guys are fickle and the test the relationship and sometimes push too far. You read it here all the time about guys that were indecisive but once the woman was gone they realized what impact their games had on the woman's heart.

 

Go slow and if he violates- stick to your guns and go NC.

[tiwani]

This situation is close to the situation I'm in, and I've been really lost and confused. Reading this helped. I wish you luck with your situation..

[EthanH]

I feel like I'm in his shoes atm, and so I guess I can give you an indication of what he probably is thinking... first of all, I think my gf/ex (?) has the same quandry regarding sex etc. But to me, it is totally illogical. He CLEARLY likes you more than just because of that. It is difficult as with my situation, because it was her who broke up with me, I have been very light with arranging to meet up with her/texting/showing emotions etc etc etc... as I don't a) want to scare her and b) I want to let her do what she wants and take the initiative... so most of the time when we have hooked up, it is her who asked me to come round...it was what we both wanted, but because of the unbalanced way that the post-breakup became, she felt like she was somehow a 'slut', kidding herself that it was a 'booty call' even though it wasn't anything like that, it was just that I didn't want to rush things...I'm sure he likes you a lot more... agreed?