My diary of NC/LC day 15

[1plus1]

Well, in reading through all these post on here. I always wished people would put timelines on how long it took to either get an ex back or let them go emotionally. So that is pretty much what my intent is with my posts.

 

Today is day 15 of my "diary" on my progress with ex.

 

When we broke up I HATED him for 2-3months (and by "hated", I wanted him back and he wouldn't come back and that made me resent him). We would talk but it always ended up in a fight or bickering, I felt anxious and just wound up when I talked to him.

 

At the 3month mark he got a new girlfriend and it DEVESTATED ME, we still talked every week but it went from fighting all the time to 50% fighting to 50% just trying to be his friend or vice versa; I was mad, sad, depressed, it was just horrible. I started to accept that a break was what we needed. But it still stung. Would we ever get back together? The fact that I didnt know that answer was just as bad as the break-up.

 

After 4months, enough time had gone by for me to reflect and I sat down and really though about "Do I want a life without him in it". I told myself and decided firmly that 1)I wanted him in my life and 2) since he would not change and I could not change him; I would change myself (for the better).

 

So I did; after 4months I told myself I would not be negative when I talked to him; wow was this hard. But I realized that over the years I had become less of his friend and more of a nag, bi$#h, etc. And it had become a HABIT. That may sound crazy, but I had gotten in the habit of being a bzzatch to him. We had lost our friendship long before our break-up. So I made a point to change that. We have known each other so long that he KNOWS how to push my buttons to make me mad. But a funny thing happened. The first time I tried not being negative AT ALL when talking to him, he was moody and the same as always, trying to make me mad. The second time it was better, the thrid time he was nice, the fourth time was like talking to my long lost buddy. And ever since I changed...... he has changed. It just took me making the first, second, third and fourth steps before he started taking steps, too.

 

Througout this time I limited my contact with him; but maintained contact if he called or texted and also made it clear I was there if he needed me.

 

So right before five months is when I realized (as hard as it was) that being JUST his friends would never be what I wanted. Which is when and why I started NC. Well on day nine (after I had ignored a few random texts from him) he texted and then called to ask if I would give him another chance. Yaaah!. Broke up with his girl and everything................!

 

So anyway, in my eyes this is step 3 in a long, long journey that I want to have with him. I dont know if my fairytale will come true. But I do know that time away from him, has allowed me to really figure out what I want. NC/LC does help it ALLOWS you to heal. Even if you dont want to. It won't get someone back, but it can help you let go of the anger and resenment, and that will make the both of you more like the two people who fell in love in the first place.

 

Well. I dont know what everyone elses timeline are like. But mine is 7months of being broke up. 5months of not seeing him. 4months of LC. and 9days of NC before he came back.

 

Hope this helps and I will update as things progress. Wish me luck because I have loved him for years and really want to make only positive steps from now on for me and him!!!

Edited December 4, 2009 by 1plus1

[j_cali_man]

Thank you for your post. The timelines are very helpful even though healing doesn't necessarily follow any specific schedule. It is nice to read how you progressed and grew. Question I have for you is how did you handle your emotions and maintain hope when he had moved on and was with someone else?

 

The fact that my ex moved on so quickly was crushing to say the least. Some days I am pretty numb to it all and function fine and others like today thoughts just consume me. Reading a lot and such is helping.

 

J