Ex still causing greif!!

[icynemesis]

Ok i am new at this so bare with me I am a lesbian,... so don't anybody freak. *lol*

 

I met my ex a little over 2yrs ago on the web. We maintained a long distance relationship for almost 2yrs. Things were great for about 7 months and then some trust issues became present. I found out that she had lied to me about her age and so on. She begged me to forgive her lie and promised she would not lie to me again. (yea right!!) Being the dope i was i took the bait. A year came and went with relatively no major disaters to speak of. We had "normal" relationship issues but nothing more.

 

In December of 2001/2002 her mother passed away causing some major upsets in her life and in the realtionship. She blamed me for not being there for her when all this happend. At that time i had just returned home from visiting her and could not afford to go right back. Well things went down hill at MAC 3 after that Our fighting got worse and it became hard to even communicate. By August of 2002 she wanted me to come visit to see if we could re-kindle the flame and work on our problems face to face. I agreed and in October of 2002 i returned to Va. What a nightmare!!!!! She was cold and bitter and literally wanted nothing to do with me, despite my efforts. So NOTHING got solved.

 

After 5 days of hell i once again returned home. We continued to talk periodically after that. It became appearant that she was cheating. As time went on her cheating became more open. She had no problems letting me know she was cheating. At that time I told her to either be faithful to me or get gone, along with some other really nasty choice of words. So she left. Which brings us to the present.

 

It has been about 3 months since her and i have really spoken. I make a point to send her an email once in awhile just to say "hello". In the past 2 days we have spoken briefly on instant messenger and it seems nothing has changed. Her responses have been "i'm talkin to Meg and flirtin with Angie" or flirtin with some chic named Rhonda. I do not know these ppl. I guess my problem is this,... why would she bother to tell me who she is flirtin with or the number of sex offers she's had and so on? It's almost like she is trying to make me jealous or something. I do still care for this girl a great deal,.. but have shown no emotion to the things she has said. I guess my way of thinkin is that if two ppl don't talk anymore,.. they damn sure don't go out of their way to make a "reaction getting" statement like that.

 

I've had some tell me that this is a weak attempt to get back with me, and other says not. Honestly i don't know what the hell to think. If anyone knows why she would be doing this and could kindly enlighten me i would greatful. Thank you

[Tony T]

I could hardly have a desire to even speculate on answering your question when I feel the one I have is more pressing.

 

Why in heaven's name would you give even an ounce of love or energy to someone who has treated you so nastilly, who has shown you no respect, who has not considered your feelings, who has not tried to reconcile when agreed to, who has consistently showed you she cares more about waste water in Witchita than about you???

 

If you answer that one, I will endeavor to speculate on just why she continues to run you into the ground, to pulverize your heart, to be mean and cruel, etc. Just to give you a little hint of what my answer may be, I will say it's in part because you allow it...you open yourself up for it....you are a glutton for punishment....perhaps a bit masochistic....way too lovesick....and perhaps unwilling to find a partner who likes you. I hope I didn't give too much away there.

 

She is causing you no grief at all, YOU are causing your grief by having contact with her.

[icynemesis]

Tony, you are 100% correct!! You asked a lot of very good questions,.. lemme see if i can answer a few. Ummm,... to be honest her mother's passing had a lot to do with her nastyness. I could not and would not hold that against her. Death = Anger Now the lies and cheating are of her own accord. I don't know why i still care for her,... but caring does not equal wanting her back by any stretch. I spent 2yrs of my life with her and i do still care what happens to her. If i showed any hate or spite toward her, then in my eyes i would be no better than she is. It sucks but being the better person always does. I attempted to be friends,.. but because of her on going slap downs it is obvious that is not an option. And yes i am a sucker for hard luck cases,.. but it gets me into more trouble than it is worth. On one hand i wanna be with her, and on the other i wanna beat the crap outta her, for all the **** she has pulled. Neways hope that answers a few.

[Tony T]

I think you better learn to move on. First, the death of one's mother is no excuse for one being a bitch. That is the time when you need the most support of all from the people you care about.

 

She has been sending you a message for a long time and you just don't seem to be able to get it. Does she have to send a scud missile into your bedroom to get you to understand she is not the right person for you at this time???

 

The quality of your life will be sadly diminished until you let go of this and move on. You might seek professional counselling to help you do this. And while you're there, see if you can get some help on ceasing having interest in emotionally abusive relationships.

 

Life is very short. Your next breath could be your last. Don't put up with this kind of stuff, even from people you USED to care about!!!

[icynemesis]

Just for the record I DO NOT have a doormat personality. The people that scorn me once are usually done for. However this girl was a first for me,.. so i allowed a lot to slide. Believe me i have no intentions of ever taken her back or wantin to for that matter, even if she asked. All i was seeking in my first post was an answer to my orginal question,.. not to be slandered for my past mistakes. I am well aware of the nasty heartless things this girl has done,.. and her and i are without question DONE. I was simply questioning why she would go so far as to say the things she did. It's called an outside opinion

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "I was simply questioning why she would go so far as to say the things she did. It's called an outside opinion."

 

Manipulation, meanness, to keep you on a string, etc. She has no reason to make you jealous except to upset you in a sadistic way.

 

I'm sorry my answers are so curt. I really get mad when people like this scuzzbag treat people like you, who offer sincere love, like cow manure. And it also upsets me very much when nice people take it on the chin and sit for months trying to analyze it.

 

The reason it upsets me so much is I used to behave exactly like this myself. And, oh, if I could just go back and recover that wasted time. Take my word, giving time to buttholes like this woman is robbing you of valuable time and you will regret it later. Meanwhile, you may just have to learn by going through this.

[icynemesis]

I understand ur anger,.. i was angry 2 for a very long time. I'm not angry anymore though. I've put 90% of this **** behind me and I have moved on. I know is girl is a bitch and the chances of her ever changing are slim to none. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around and her time is comin. Someday when she grows up and has a few smack downs of her own, she will hopefully wake up. Right now though she is too busy enjoy the view from straight up her ass! *lol* On a scale of 1-10 i care about as much as 2. This girl really has no effect on me anymore. Most of all i think i miss the "good times" cuz we did have our share. However i have no respect for ppl like her, that treat ppl as if they are nothin and still sleep like a baby at night. But she is what she is. Ya can't kick a cow because it is not a race horse. I made a horrible mistake,.. and one i intend to NEVER repeat. Again thank u for ur reply. Honesty is what i admire most in a person.