What Does She Want? I Don't Know How to Proceed...

[learner75]

Hi all,

 

My gf and I have gone through 3 years of sweet relationship.

Tons of people said that we're made for each other, because

she has what I don't and I have what she doesn't. Moreover,

our faces are really alike, somewhat like twins (u won't believe it!).

She's a really nice and loving person... then I messed up BIG TIME

I showed tons of insecurity, jealousy, needy, etc... without

even knowing that it only makes her sick and pushes her away.

 

Two weeks ago she finally dropped the bomb saying she was now

indifferent to me, feels nothing, etc. She even honestly confessed

that she had crush on another guy, a co-worker, and they're

getting more and more intimate everyday. I tried to convince her

that she's actually in an infatuation state, but she rejected the idea

(of course!) and felt like she had finally found her true love.

 

Then we scheduled one LAST hangout "as friends" a week later.

In the meanwhile, I applied short NC (1 week) and already knew

where I went wrong so when I met her I had "man-up" a little and

was a totally different person (for her, at least).

 

We had a talk in the end. She said she noticed I was DIFFERENT

now but she "just can't take her words back". She said she missed

me the whole week and further said that she loves me (funny

because previously she said she was indifferent to me) "but her ego

chose the fun she never gets in our relationship". She chose to

let me go. I said I accept and respect her decision and I want to

go NC because "I need my space to get through this".

 

Now here's where things got a little complicated...

 

We both have Facebook accounts, and our status is still

"in a relationship" until now. She seriously said she doesn't want

to change it "don't know until when... probably until one of us

get into a new relationship".

 

I really don't know how to proceed from here...

 

If I go and change the status, then I'm afraid it will offend her

and seen as I'm showing disrespect to her decision. Worse,

I'm afraid it would annihilate any chance of reconciliation with her

(yes, I want her back -she's the most understanding and kindest girl

I've ever met, until I messed things up!).

 

If I allow this, I'm afraid I will be put on her "2nd class man" and it

makes her feel that she can get back to me whenever she wants to,

and thus reduces the chance to reconcile either. (we're still in NC now,

if that matters...)

 

Which one is the way to go... and WHY?

 

Can this still be called an "NC" when we still have "in a relationship"

status on Facebook, and our sweet pictures are still in each other's

profiles (she didn't remove hers, so I feel bad if I remove mine first)?

None of our friends know that we broke up (well, maybe some of her

friends know) until now - don't know about the co-worker, though.

 

Please tell me how to proceed best in this situation.

 

Thank you.

[dianna]

she sounds like my ex bf..we've been separated for 2 months..exactly the same words ..i did the same mistakes ....he deleted the pictures after some days..dunno what to say .....hurts like hell to see his SINGLE status ..hurts so much

[seoa]

putting relationship info on facebook means you have to tell the entire world when you split up, which isn't much fun (especially when most facebook "friends" are people you don't care about too much)

 

not least coz the r'ship info gets put into the news feed, so everyone reads it, and comments on it (ugh!)

 

don't read too much into it - she just doesn't want to talk about it with semi-strangers, that's all...

 

halfway solution for your own page - you can choose to stop showing your r'ship status at all - just hide it... that way, you're not changing it, not showing you're "single", not putting it in your news... simples...

 

how to (just in case it's needed):

on your own page, in the top-right corner of the "information" box (where the r'ship status is) there's an edit icon... click on it, and you get a pop-up menu where you can de-select this info...