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The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Old 14th May 2009, 3:06 PM   #1
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The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist

In a weak moment today I went searching the internet for some false hope. It looks unlikely in my situation that my ex will want to reconcile but there's still that hope in the back of my mind. Anyways, I came across this checklist and I think some of the points are good. Dunno if it's of any use to any one but I thought I'd post in anyways.

So here's a list of the things which should be sorted out or be in the process of being sorted out in order for reconciliation to occur and be successful long term.


Past issue have been resolved. Admittedly this might be hard for most people to answer. How do you define ‘resolved’? This depends on your unique situation but as long as you and your ex are willing to resolve these issues together, place a tick next to this one.

You learned a lesson. Break ups don’t just happen out of nowhere and for no good reason. If you’re struggling to figure out this one, perhaps you haven’t looked deep enough yet. On the other hand maybe you have learnt several lessons. Jot them down.

Future looks bright and promising. When you look to the future of your relationship, does it differ from your past? I hope so. Understand that you and your partner will change and your relationship will change. Does that scare you?

You can live without them. One of the biggest lessons that you should have learned from the break up is that you don’t ‘need’ your partner in your life. You can enjoy life just as much without them in it. Of course that doesn’t mean you should or you have to, just that you know you’ll be fine if a break up was to happen again.

Your life goals and core beliefs are aligned. Your goals doesn’t need to match, in fact it’s good to have differing goals in life, but what IS important is that you compliment one another and your core beliefs also go together well. Remember you will be with this person for a long time (if all goes well) make sure you get off on a good start.

Willing to compromise. Understand that things won’t always go the way you want and sometimes you will have to sacrifice a thing or two for the sake of the relationship. Be prepared to give and take a little.

You’re confident your ex is coming back because he/she loves you for you. Clearly I wouldn’t want you to go back into an abusive or unhealthy relationship. This means, your ex should have respect for you and are willing to put effort into this relationship as much as you will.

You love your ex for them, not for who you want them to be. On the flip side to the last point, you also have to accept your ex for who they are. Don’t try to change them because there’s a part of them you’re not happy with. It’s best to focus your energy on elements you CAN change, such as yourself.

Willing to put the past behind you. Remember don’t live and dwell on the past. Each new day with your partner is another day of fun, love and compassion. I hate holding grudges as it’s just stupid to hold onto something that has already happened. There’s nothing you can do about it, but there IS something you can do about the present.

Continue the relationship with you… give regular love and attention to yourself first. Just because you’re with someone romantically doesn’t mean you should stop the relationship you’ve developed with yourself. You should always continue to improve and better yourself or you might find an unhappiness brewing just underneath the surface waiting to explode in the future. Take care of your needs too.
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Old 14th May 2009, 4:01 PM   #2
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I really like this despite knowing that my second chance isnt coming. :O(

Thanks!
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Old 14th May 2009, 4:19 PM   #3
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Me too playlislay. And my second chance isn't coming either
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Old 14th May 2009, 4:54 PM   #4
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You forgot something on that very well put together list...

H O N E S T Y

Be honest, not only with yourself, but with your X as well.
The truth will set you free.

Dont give up. If you truly love him/her DO NOT GIVE UP. Belief in yourself and them will go a long way...think about this one.

Show them that you care about them. Forgive yourself and forgive them. You might be forgiven in return.

DONT SAY NO to a friendship. This can SOMETIMES be a door left open.

Be the best YOU, that you can possibly be.

STAY POSITIVE!!!


When you fell of your bike for the first time, did you just say ''im not doing that again!''

DONT GO NC unless they have said 'I Never want to see you again'
This contact throughout the breakup can actually help both of you.
With that said though, you must still respect each other, if you are writing to beg then leave it out. If you are writing to let them know about realisations, i say GO FOR IT!...

Still good to keep limited contact though, and ALLWAYS cut the conversation short, you are the one who 'has to go'. Im even putting kisses at the end of my messages to her and get some back. This is progress, whether you like it or not.

This is what I have done, and i gotta say, that we are on speaking terms again, and I have a feeling that things are gonna look up very very soon. Only after alot of hard work.

One more thing...
When you go to meet up with them for the first time since the split, make them a handmade card. Something on it that means alot to you both. Inside, dont write how much you miss them and want them back bla bla bla
Instead, write something inside that will trigger some nostalgia in them. Like 'remember that time we did ....' or 'remember that time we saw such and such' and find a nice picture to put on the front. Be origonal!

Now i know that some people are gonna read this and say NO, thats wrong. But follow you heart and be truthfull. You have to show them that you really, genuinely care for them. You have to make them feel like no one else can give them what you have to give, and have both been through together.

If its only been a short relationship, i.e a month or so- then forget it. If you broke up that soon its never gonna work right now. But if you have been together for months and months, or even years, then NEVER GIVE UP IF YOU TRULY LOVE THAT PERSON.

Lets try and keep this thread POSITIVE

SoulBear

I only managed 24 hours away from LS....oh dear. Addiction sets in!
Im here to bring hope. Hope is what keeps the world alive. You can skin me for doing so, i dont care. This place needs some positivity!

Last edited by Soul Bear; 14th May 2009 at 5:05 PM.. Reason: Grammer...
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Old 14th May 2009, 6:22 PM   #5
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Quote:
DONT GO NC unless they have said 'I Never want to see you again'
This contact throughout the breakup can actually help both of you.
With that said though, you must still respect each other, if you are writing to beg then leave it out. If you are writing to let them know about realisations, i say GO FOR IT!...


I don't agree with this. NC, although I wasn't aware there was a term for it when we broke up, is VERY important. When a relationship ends, sure there is always the hope that it will begin again. But the likelihood is that it's over, for good. NC is best for healing..............which lets face it, is the best thing for you, whether you get back together or not. you need to be in a better place for YOU, regardless of other factors. And sometimes it's hard to see what's best for you when the person who dumps you is clouding your emotions. you don't do it for their benefit, you do it for your own benefit. If at a later point, when you are at a better stage and more clearly able to see what YOU want, then by all means, break NC. and most important...................DO NOT BEG!!!
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Old 14th May 2009, 6:50 PM   #6
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NC is for healing. Not for working through it together. NC for a MONTH is just crazy. sorry, but thats my take on it. No one takes a month to cool off. A week, yes. NC for a month is to get over someone or manipulate them into coming back.


LC is good. But again, every R is different and every scenario is different. I am only stating what has worked for ME.
You will know what is right for you, your heart will know what your meant to do.
As Carhill put it to me 'you found your own path'.
Take what you read on this site and use it, but try to find what YOU are meant to do.


I read THE WHOLE second chance forum. The lot.
What did I learn?- That i should do what I feel is best for me and my situation- as stated in my first post above ^^^^^^
Also, that the ones who generaly made it through, were the ones who kept in touch.
Each to their own





Your head can often fool you. It is better to listen to your heart.


The difference is that your head is the voice of reason and will lead you safely, but your heart will lead you to complete your dreams, even if it is not the safest way to go....Our heads tune out the real messages and reinterpret what we hear. To listen with your heart requires a different kind of listening

Last edited by Soul Bear; 14th May 2009 at 7:10 PM..
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Old 14th May 2009, 9:12 PM   #7
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NC is for you to heal, how can you heal from something if it's there?


Say no a friendship, why be downgraded to a friendship? I refuse to, heck I can go talk to any girl and be friend zoned pretty easily.
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Old 14th May 2009, 10:33 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by not_a_happy_camper View Post
I don't agree with this. NC, although I wasn't aware there was a term for it when we broke up, is VERY important. When a relationship ends, sure there is always the hope that it will begin again. But the likelihood is that it's over, for good. NC is best for healing..............which lets face it, is the best thing for you, whether you get back together or not. you need to be in a better place for YOU, regardless of other factors. And sometimes it's hard to see what's best for you when the person who dumps you is clouding your emotions. you don't do it for their benefit, you do it for your own benefit. If at a later point, when you are at a better stage and more clearly able to see what YOU want, then by all means, break NC. and most important...................DO NOT BEG!!!
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NC is for you to heal, how can you heal from something if it's there?

Say no a friendship, why be downgraded to a friendship? I refuse to, heck I can go talk to any girl and be friend zoned pretty easily.
Sorry Soul_Bear, I'm agreeing with these two. NC is not for making anybody jealous or getting somebody to miss you, it's for your own sake - so you can heal from the sadness and love yourself first before getting back into a relationship, whether it be with somebody from your past or somebody you've yet to meet
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Old 15th May 2009, 6:40 AM   #9
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SoulBear,

I do understand what angle you're coming from but...
I refuse to settle for less than I'm worth.
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Old 15th May 2009, 9:48 AM   #10
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SoulBear defeated again :P


You see what is stopping some of you?
Your pride.
Im sorry to say it, and i mean NO HARM to any of you, but true love does not allow pride and games to come between it.
If its true Love, you would fight with every last breath. Its not going to kill you. Evidently, what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger.

Im a minority, i know, Im hated by some on here and loved by others. Thats who I am

I would hate for some of you to look back in 10 years and go ''what if I had just tried a bit harder''....
WE WERE THE ONES WHO GOT DUMPED!
Its is US who has something to prove, not the Dumper.
Let go of your ego's and follow your hearts, please folks, for your OWN good. Otherwise, you will end up a pessimist and a grumpy old fart on LS telling people to 'forget about it and move on'

Last edited by Soul Bear; 15th May 2009 at 10:24 AM..
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Old 15th May 2009, 2:53 PM   #11
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I don't know. I can see both perspectives. It does really depend on the relationship and the two people involved in it. Just because you're having LC, to me, doesn't equal settling for less than you're worth--which of course varies with relationship to relationship.

With my current issues, a few weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up, it was mostly him wanting the break up. But his actions tell me something completely different than his words and I honestly believe that he is more confused about the whole situation and truly loves me.

I'm not sitting around trying to wait for him to make up his mind, if someone else would come along--sure I would go on a date with them and see how it went. But I would still rather at least try to work things out and keep in contact with him because Like Soul_Bear said, I would hate to be thinking ten years later what could be if I had just tried.

I'd rather swallow my pride and be shot down now and feel foolish and hate myself for a few months than live for the rest of my life with the nagging 'what if' feeling.
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Old 15th May 2009, 3:05 PM   #12
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Soul Bear:

Most of us do have true love, most of us have tried everythin and most of us have felt the pain when nothing works, that why everybody suggest NC because its experience speaking...

The fact is, you may love someone soo much

But YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEBODY LOVE YOU BACK

unless you come up with a better solution to healing or getting your ex back nobody is gonna change their thinking
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Old 15th May 2009, 3:12 PM   #13
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For me, in my situation, the love hasnt just gone. I know she still feels for me, and is probably scared and confused.

She left beacuse for a month i was being a d i c k. Im not proud of what I did, i never cheated, but i distanced myself so she would leave. And guess what..it effing worked.
Bad move on my part as I realise now what I had.
You guys choose your path, thats fine. Im only here now to try and help other people find their own way too.
Im not asking for advice anymore, Im trying to give some on what works for me.

I see NO PROBLEM with me offering people something that could help them.


You cant make someone love you back, no. But you can sure as hell try to show them that you are a lovabler person.

As i stated before, they left for a reason, something we did. Or at least in my case its like that. Therefor, I have something to prove to her, and myself.
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Old 15th May 2009, 3:54 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soul Bear View Post

You see what is stopping some of you?
Your pride.
Im sorry to say it, and i mean NO HARM to any of you, but true love does not allow pride and games to come between it.
Soul Bear,

Some of your comments have really made me angry. I know you're just trying to give advice as everyone on here is but my reason for not contacting my ex has nothing to do with pride. The reason most people do NC is not to teach their ex a lesson but because they have no other choice.

My ex left me after 8 years, he told everyone else we'd broken up LONG before he told me, he immediately ran off with another woman, flaunted his new found love in all over the internet AND in front of our mutual friends then had the nerve to deny the two of them were involved. So excuse me for not running over to his house and posting thoughtful little love letters through his mailbox. I don't speak to him because I can't bear to and I imagine many others on here feel the same.

And yes, I did make mistakes when we were together but there is NO justification whatsoever for his actions.


Sometimes you gotta have some self respect!

Last edited by Nuala83; 15th May 2009 at 4:32 PM..
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Old 15th May 2009, 5:20 PM   #15
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Sorry Nuala

I didnt know your story
Please accept my most humble apologies. I guess i had it in my head that every ones situations were like myns.
I feel like a fool now.


Now i know your sitt. i can totaly relate to why you wouldnt want to take any more of his crap, hold onto your pride and keep your head held high.
Im really sorry, i hope you can forgive me....

Peace and LOve be with you
Soul Bear



Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuala83 View Post
Soul Bear,

Some of your comments have really made me angry. I know you're just trying to give advice as everyone on here is but my reason for not contacting my ex has nothing to do with pride. The reason most people do NC is not to teach their ex a lesson but because they have no other choice.

My ex left me after 8 years, he told everyone else we'd broken up LONG before he told me, he immediately ran off with another woman, flaunted his new found love in all over the internet AND in front of our mutual friends then had the nerve to deny the two of them were involved. So excuse me for not running over to his house and posting thoughtful little love letters through his mailbox. I don't speak to him because I can't bear to and I imagine many others on here feel the same.

And yes, I did make mistakes when we were together but there is NO justification whatsoever for his actions.


Sometimes you gotta have some self respect!
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