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can chemistry be a one-way thing & loads of other questions !


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Great site … keep up the good work!!

 

I’ve got a situation which I’d love to hear what people have to say about.

 

I had a brief fling with a great girl about 3 years ago. There was plenty of reasons for me not to get involved with her: 1) I’d heard along the grapevine that she was hard to get close to as she’d lost a family member when she was younger & found it hard to trust people 2) she was soon to be moving up to the city to live / work & 3) my self-esteem was at an all-time low as I hadn’t fully gotten over a previous relationship and the business which I’d struggled to build up was on the verge of collapsing.

 

However, she was funny, clever, cute & there was a real chemistry between us that (this’ll sound soppy!!), but I’ve never felt with anyone else before or since. Before long we were seeing each other. But I ruined it by coming on way too strong and telling her how much she meant to me. I realise now that I scared her off and I don’t blame her at all for that - I’ve been scared off by girls who’ve done the same thing to me. Needless to say … she dumped me.

 

She started going out with a guy from the city and went out with him for a couple of years, but they split up about a year ago. (By the way, I’m not sure how relevant this is, but this guy would only have been her 3 rd boyfriend after me her second).

 

As she’s friends of friends of mine, I’ve seen her all throughout this time at parties and gatherings, and we’ve bumped into each other lots more since she moved back from the city.

 

I know what you’re thinking – why do you give her the time of day if she dumped you? Well the truth is I can’t help but feel that there is some unfinished business there because of the chemistry “thing” .

 

Whenever we end up in the same place, we always end up chatting / flirting loads. She’s always got a smile on her face and she makes me feel great as well. As I’m a little bit older and a little bit wiser now, I try not to make it too obvious how she makes me feel as I don’t want to appear over-eager. I try and present a bit of a challenge to her by not speaking to her the whole night, and when I do, I keep the conversation light and fun. I also try and keep her guessing a little by not asking her out - even though I want to.

 

I’d love to know if she feels the same chemistry / if she thinks that anything could happen between us, but my big fear is of scaring her away like I did last time.

 

Have you got any ideas about how to approach this situation ??

 

Do I ask her outright what she thinks of me and of potentially of us?

Do I try asking her friends what she thinks (I get on well with the ones I’ve met)?

If we go out with just me and her, do I raise the subject of what I did in the past and try and justify it or do I just not mention it at all?

What if I ask her out and she says she just wants to go out as friends. Do girls actually mean this when they say it, or is this one of the “tests”? If it is, how should I deal with it?

Do I start talking treating her like a friend (do things together, confide in her etc)?I’m reluctant to do this as from my experience, if a guy is friends with a girl, they’ll very rarely end up as boyfriend / girlfriend.

 

As you can probably see, I’ve just about thought myself to a standstill on this one !!

 

Any ideas / suggestions would be much appreciated.

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Talk to her about your feelings and get this "unfinished business" resolved as soon as possible.

 

Yes, when a lady tells you she just wants to be friends...she absolutely means it unless she's an insane liar. A woman who's interested in a guy is NOT going to put him off that way unless she's just plain inexplicably nuts. A lady who is interested can be coy in many other more appropriate ways.

 

So if the interest is mutual, you've got something nice to look forward to. If she's not into something more serious, your business will be finished and you can be on your way.

 

If this girl has got all the problems with intimacy that you implied in your post, why would you want to waste so much of your time? There are lots of nice ladies out there you can have a good time with. Have this talk with her soon and get on with your life.

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