And now another text...What should I say? Just ignore?

[justletgo07]

To see what has happened over the last couple of days, click the following links:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176112/

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176232/

 

So tonight, I get the following text from her:

 

"Ok, so just to clarify, are we still friends, or no? Because I'm a little confused on that."

 

To me, it seems like our interaction over the last few days has bothered her, and she's trying to get something out of me now.

 

Should I respond at all, and if so, what should I say?

 

I know many will say "Ignore" which is what I am inclined to do. Will ignoring hurt any chance of reconciliation in the future? (for those of you who don't think getting back together is a sign of insanity;))

[Jay34]

i read your previous posts, dont contact her man, there is nothing you can gain from it. obviously you want to get back together, friends ain't going to cut it. just ignore it, im knew to this lol, but everyone has told me they have to say something of substance.

[samspade]

Ignore. She broke up with you. She wants to be friends solely to feed her ego and ease her guilt. F* that. just stay NC - it's the best path REGARDLESS of what happens down the road, because it helps you move on.

[Ty Wanabu]

I've been in her position before. It's driving her crazy that you are NOT responding to her in the way she wants you to. The apparent rejection is eating away at her.

 

You have moved on and her ego can't handle it. She's thinking, "What?! He doesn't want me anymore?! How can he not want me?! Why does he not want me?!

 

It is my guess that she will keep coming. Even if you ignore her I think she will continue until she finally has a face to face meeting with you so she can really gauge your interest in her.

 

Be careful from here on out.

[Geishawhelk]

Give me your address.

I'll pop over.

 

Next time she calls, I'll, take the 'phone and flush it down the toilet.

 

is that NC enough for you??

 

Please be the strong guy and let it go.

 

You see?

I made my point the other day.

I knew this would happen.

She has to get the message loud and clear.

 

And also - this reconciliation nonsense:

 

I bet you a pound to a pinch of chips that if you were to text her and say - "Does this mean, if I reply to your texts, that here's a chance for us to get back together?"

 

 

Well... really, what do you think she would say?

[justletgo07]

You guys have really called this one...repeatedly.

 

Got another text at like 1am:

 

"Did you not get my message, or was that a no?"

 

Staying NC seems to be working swimmingly, so I guess I'll keep it up!

[openbook08]

youre playin a blinder!

read your previous posts too..

keep tippin along as you are, 1 day at a time

NC

healing , healing, healing

No. 1 is all you need look after right now

[Jay34]

yeah they hare to be ignored, i have been ignoring for almost 2 months because im getting nothing conclusive, i got my first half-ass apology yesterday, but wasn't enough for me, i have kept it cool, just live your life and pretend like she doesn't exist but don't block her from anything, delete her, hell mine is still my top friend on myspace. when you do nothing and they are still interested, they are forced to do something, if i was calling i doubt she would have any reason to contact me, stick to it man!

[justletgo07]

Yeah, I think I'm going to. It's just hard to ignore someone you care about so much. I know I shouldn't care, and I know that she's just being selfish and immature right now, but I worry that ignoring her will help her feel justified in breaking up with me and she won't look back. Again, I know that is probably ridiculous to think that way...

[Geishawhelk]

Her head:

 

"Oh my God, I can't believe he is being this way! I just want to be friends, but he just won't talk to me! What's the matter with him? What have I done to deserve this....?!"

 

Trust me, she will be all 'poor me'.....

 

it won't enter her head to consider that you are doing this to heal.

 

But you have to be strong and get on with living, and not give her room in your head to trash and ruin, because otherwise the next 'tenant' will have a lot of mess to clear up - and that won't be her fault.

 

It will be yours for not evicting THIS 'tenant' as you should.

[justletgo07]

Should I just tell her then? Maybe something like: "For right now, I just need my space." OR "I'm not in a position to be a friend right now. I hope you understand." Then I've stood up for myself, I've been direct, and I can ignore anything else from then on.

 

Or does ignoring her send a stronger message? Would responding just backfire on me?

[diskey23]

if youre going to respond it better be, "yes were friends, now leave me the **** alone."

 

probably just ignore her though.

[Jay34]

don't say a word man, no contact is more powerful, don't play the game, be in control, eventually if she wants you back you will get more than that and what you want to hear. or at least somewhat.

[BCCA]

Should I just tell her then? Maybe something like: "For right now, I just need my space." OR "I'm not in a position to be a friend right now. I hope you understand." Then I've stood up for myself, I've been direct, and I can ignore anything else from then on.

 

Or does ignoring her send a stronger message? Would responding just backfire on me?

 

Silence speaks volumes. Common sense should tell you that any friendship you want with someone you just dumped is going to be totally one sided. She just doesnt want to feel guilty. As soon as she got that from this 'friendship' it would be over. Ditto for when/if she wants someone else.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with Giesha, she's no doubt just having a pity-party for herself over this. Nevermind how you feel or what you went through, SHE isnt getting her way. boo hoo!

[Jay34]

Yeah, I think I'm going to. It's just hard to ignore someone you care about so much. I know I shouldn't care, and I know that she's just being selfish and immature right now, but I worry that ignoring her will help her feel justified in breaking up with me and she won't look back. Again, I know that is probably ridiculous to think that way...

 

i know exactly how you feel, my ex has been contacting me non-stop, but none of it is an apology, its how are you doing, even i miss you, but after she hurt me it will take more than that, she has to realize that you were something valuable to her, something you couldn't just throw away and come back when she needs it. i made the biggest mistake he first time by giving in 2 easy and you know what happened we got back together and eventually i was a doormat for 2 months. until i decided to end the cycle, if i would have stayed strong the first time, made her earn my time, my affection and not give it right back when she said she wants to be with me, i got way too excited when she suggested a meet up, you just have to remember this stuff. because there might come a time where she does do all that and you have to keep your emotions at bay. or else things will go right back to the way they were and someone will want to dump someone.

[nature]

How long were you two dating? Why did she break up with you?

I think she wants her cake and to eat it too. She is not ready for the commitment of a boyfriend, yet she still wants the emotional attachment of knowing you are there for her, pining over her.

Don't give her that, if that's the case. Silence is golden.

Still, how long were you together and why did she end it?

[Geishawhelk]

DNR - In hospitals means - "Do Not Resuscitate."

 

In Loveshack, DNR means "Do Not Respond."

 

In a way, they're the same thing.

If you respond, you'll just bring it all back to life again. The pain, the hurt, the resentment, the anger, the love, the questions.....

It's just not worth it.

 

nature, It's not a good idea to ask people these kind of questions on forum, especially when they're trying hard to get over it in the first place.

If you want to know people's histories, go to their profile and read their threads.

 

 

It often makes for painful reading.

So they're not going to want to pick the scabs off again, in public.....

 

His first post here, has 2 threads you can check out.

 

Just a thought.

[Intergalactic]

i haven't seen the entry you posted about your break up... what exactly happened? was it hurtful (cheating, generally being a bitch) or was it just that she didn't "feel the same" anymore or couldn't handle the relationship? if it was the later, i'd say ignoring her is a bad idea if you want to be friends (or attempt to be more than friends) later.

 

when my ex broke up with me, i was devastated. i wanted to go NC (after continuing to spend every weekend together after the break up for two months because i was just confused, man), but i didn't want to ruin chances for a friendship (or more) later, so i told him i was going NC, and to please respect my decision. he did, he left me alone for four months, i moved back home, i started to heal and date other people, and now we are friends, and our relationship is growing richer. turns out he does miss me, regrets the break up and i'm not ready to say "let's give it another chance" but who knows? if i'd chosen to just ignore him, i'm sure he wouldn't have been so happy to be in touch again... because ignoring someone hurts, especially when the reason for the break up wasn't something horrible, but just that he could no longer handle the relationship along with his university workload.

[justletgo07]

Geisha, I really appreciate you looking out for me. I think I can manage to share a little with curious minds.

 

We were together for 2.5 years. I'm 23 and graduated, she's 22 and still in college. We broke up for several reasons, one of the bigger being that we fought a lot, and at the end the fights were mainly about how I didn't feel like she cared about me anymore and she felt like all I did was pressure her. She dumped me, then strung me along for a few more weeks and finally told me she didn't feel the same way anymore, which made my recovery that much harder. After she continued to try and pull my strings for a few more weeks, I told her 2 months ago that we shouldn't talk anymore and that I couldn't be her friend. Didn't hear from her at all until recently, which has been the topic of my most recent posts.

 

Well everyone, despite all of your excellent advice to just ignore her self-interested, immature messages, I gave into the fear that "if I don't respond, it will destroy any possibility of friendship or a relationship in the future." I know, I should have listened, and I guess this is a perfect example of "learn by doing." Yesterday, after not responding for about 4 days, I sent her the following:

 

"Got your message. Been really busy this week. I'll try to get back to you this weekend."

 

I wanted to appear uneffected by her messages, but all I ended up doing was playing into her stupid games. I woke up this morning to the following message:

 

"Ok, well I'm in Oklahoma this weekend with my sister and Ben (her brother-in-law), so I won't have a lot of time to talk on the phone..."

 

When did I ever say I was going to call her, or that my response was going to be more than a simple text message? She's clearly playing games and trying to have the upper hand, because she didn't propose a time that would be good for her to talk. She was just letting me know she's too busy and acting like she doesn't really care.

 

I'm so tired of this. I've spent all week stressing myself out over this. I should have just ignored her to begin with. I just miss her so much, and everything I do I constantly worry about messing up my chances of getting back together. It hurts so much that she's so focused on herself, and doesn't seem to have any consideration for my feelings. She broke up with me, and now she's toying with my feelings, instead of just leaving me be! I was actually starting to feel better!

 

I'm not going to play anymore. I'm taking myself out of the game. I'm not going to respond, nor am I going to respond to any further attempts to contact me. I'm so hurt and angry, and I am so tired of feeling like this. I care about her so much, but she is clearly incapable of caring about anyone but herself!

[justletgo07]

On second thought, I think I will respond with the following:

 

"No worries. No reason for us to talk. Being your friend is not in my best interests right now. I hope you understand. Have fun with your sis!"

[Geishawhelk]

On second thought, I think I will respond with the following:

 

"No worries. No reason for us to talk. Being your friend is not in my best interests right now. I hope you understand. Have fun with your sis!"

 

Just the bold bit will do it. Anything else is too much.

Really.

Trust me, honestly.

Have I been wrong before?

[justletgo07]

No, you certainly haven't...about anything.

[justletgo07]

Wow...just wow...I am speechless. I honestly did not expect this response from her. I'm not even mad. I actually laughed when I saw it. She is unbelievable. I am just blown away by her monumental selfishness. For the 1st time, I am beginning to feel like she did me a favor by breaking up with me...

 

So I followed Geisha's advice, exactly how it was given, and sent the following message:

"No reason for us to talk. Being friends with you is not in my best interests right now."

 

Her response:

"Ok...I'm sorry to hear that...Did I do something?"

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

/handface

[nature]

Yikes, I don't know what to say. I'm on your side of the ball game. Trying to keep strong from being hurt over my ex who broke up with me 8 months ago. I don't now if your ex is just playing stupid? Or if because you've handled this all so well, she thinks you don't want her back and are just disinterested in her? Maybe she doesn't even realize that you still hurt? Yikes, I don't know. For now i'd just ignore it until someone gives you some good advice. I'm so confused myself with my situation.

[Island Girl]

For the record I would have advised:

 

"Honestly, I have enough friends. Good luck to you."

 

-- Stay absolutely NC. Believe me it is more than easing a guilty conscience. In fact that really isn't it at all. She wants to make sure she still has your full devotion and that you are kept on the back burner.

So if she needs an ego boost or a shoulder to cry on - you're still there.

But she wants to date and have relationships with other men too.

She just wants you to be there as her crutch if things don't work out.