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My family hates him


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I have been in this relationship on and off for almost 4 years. My family hates him because he loved to party. I'm a single mom that is done with the party life. He has been sober for about a year, so far. It was a hard battle to get there. We have broken up again. This time I involved the police and my family. He would not stop calling or stopping by so I had a personal protection order issued against him. I believe my family hates him because they only know of our bad times. I never shared the good times with them. Plus holidays and birthdays were not the best with him, no gifts were exchanged, or at least gifts to not speak of. He never tried to be friends with my daughter. She hated him too, but I’m not sure if she did not like him because she had to share her mom, or because he did not take time out of his day for her.

 

He swears things will change now. He is a new person. We have been apart for about three months. He knows where he went wrong with my daughter. Should I believe him and try to work things out or should I run from him? I really thought that we would be together forever. We had property and house plans and now I’m trying to make new dreams. Is it hard for me to let go of the dreams or to let go of him? I’m so confused.

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I don't see much to be confused about. Your four years of experience with him may have had some good times...but I'm sure the gals had good times with Charles Manson too.

 

The guy is clearly not desireable. Your parents don't like him, your daughter doesn't like him...you, yourself, had to get a court order to keep him from acting like a complete idiot.

 

Read your post again...read it a few times. The guy is not somebody most women would even look at, much less think about marrying. He will be a problem for you until the day you die if you stay with him.

 

Change, yeah right. That's the dream of almost every woman alive, that their man will change into exactly the person they want. It doesn't happen easily or often. He had FOUR years to change...and while he may not have had a drink in a year, he acts like a guy on serious drugs.

 

Don't subject your daughter to this kind of man. No matter how insecure you may feel, there are enough men out there in the world who would love you and who wouldn't act as bizarre as this.

 

And there must have been a good reason you didn't tell your parents about the good times. Obviously there weren't many of them and they weren't all that good enough to talk about.

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from this guy. You've had four years to try to get it "right" -- unfortunately, for someone with a chemical dependency, it's usually a battle every day to stay away from the booze or the drugs, and you don't need any part of that. Esp. since you've got a child. It's one thing to care for someone, but another to willingly slide down a slippery slope with them just because you feel that's what "love" or "devotion" is.

 

Set your sights higher. This guy might have his good sides, but the fact that he's battling a drinking problem should be reason enough to avoid a relationship with him that's anything more than a casual friendship.

 

As for your child not liking him -- it could be that she resents the time you devote to any guy, but then again, kids and animals are best judges of character. They just know when something isn't right.

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