I don't know what do to...

[azucar]

Good evening all,

 

About eight months ago I was dating this girl and things were progressing very nicely. I needed to know if our relationship was ready for the next step so I asked her out. To my disbelief, she says that we are friends and that's how it has been since. My feeling tells me that the timing was wrong.

 

Since then we remain good friends and we do nice things together and for each other. There is mutual respect and a special bond between us. During this time she hasn't dated other guys and has never even said a word about other guys.

 

Then for my birthday last week, she gave me a present that you would not typically give a friend. It's monetary value is high but it's sentimental value is priceless. I was touched but it put some ideas in my head.

 

So here's my dilemma. I can't figure out if she still likes me. I have a feeling that she still does but I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to ruin things in case if she doesn't like me in a romantic way.

 

Do you think she still likes me based on what I said? Any advice how I should handle this? Your advice is welcomed.

 

Thank you.

 

azucar

[Tony T]

Your post is very confusing.

 

First, you said eight months ago you were DATING this girl and things were progressing nicely.

 

Then you said the next step was to ask her out. That's where you lost me. Usually, the asking out comes BEFORE you start dating someone.

 

Then something happened and she told you the two of you were "just friends." I don't know what brought that on but, oh well.

 

Well, she could just be an excellent friend. Those are hard to find but they are out there. Don't think that just because she gave you a special gift that she feels any more than a friendship...but, then again, it's possible. It's even possible she is unconsciously using you as an ostensible boyfriend when she is just waiting to be asked out by the right guy. Nothing wrong with that if you let her.

 

If she is really your friend, and it sounds like she is, she won't mind if you once again ask her to clarify where she wants to take this thing. You need to ask her once more how she feels about the two of you and where she sees things going. You need to be right up front and talk about it. Again, if she is really your friend she will be straight with you. Once you do this, never bring it up again and don't create a situation where the question may need to be addressed again. Go in another direction entirely or you could destroy the friendship.

 

My guess is she is very fond of you as a friend and that's where she wants it. I may be wrong and for your sake I hope so.

 

If you learn from her that she wants this to remain a friendship, then you need to start pulling some of your energy back from her and start searching for romance. Yes, do keep her as a valuable friend but you are being cruel and inhumane to yourself by hanging around her hoping something more is going to come of it when it's probably not.

 

I've been there lots of times and I can tell you...when a chick says "we are friends" 99.9999999999999999999 percent of the time that EXACTLY what she means.

 

My very strong advice to you is that you start getting out and meeting other ladies and getting some romance in your life. Don't torture yourself by being around this lady all the time who considers you only a friend, all the while hoping one day she will change her mind. Read the paragraph above to see what percentage of the time women change their mind on this kind of thing.

[velvet]

"It's even possible she is unconsciously using you as an ostensible boyfriend".......This from Tony, is very possible.

 

You two have a bond, feelings of friendship, the kind of f/s that some couples long for after the romance is over.

 

Being that you are her friend, do you know if she is looking to be involved with someone. Are you her type?

 

I wouldnt get my hope's up that she's looking into any further than she already has done.

 

She has already told you at one time she didnt want to get involved romantically. That was her choice and you are only following her request. The ball is in her park, is the way of it. But you might be old fashioned & feel it's your duty to ask her to reconsider.

 

Be genuine, show her your love. Stop day dreaming about her.

 

Continue making memories with her. Sometimes it just take a heck of a long time for these things to bloom.

 

If you do give her your message of your feelings now, dont fall into despair if she rejects.

 

 

 

Your post is very confusing. First, you said eight months ago you were DATING this girl and things were progressing nicely.

 

Then you said the next step was to ask her out. That's where you lost me. Usually, the asking out comes BEFORE you start dating someone. Then something happened and she told you the two of you were "just friends." I don't know what brought that on but, oh well.

 

Well, she could just be an excellent friend. Those are hard to find but they are out there. Don't think that just because she gave you a special gift that she feels any more than a friendship...but, then again, it's possible. It's even possible she is unconsciously using you as an ostensible boyfriend when she is just waiting to be asked out by the right guy. Nothing wrong with that if you let her. If she is really your friend, and it sounds like she is, she won't mind if you once again ask her to clarify where she wants to take this thing. You need to ask her once more how she feels about the two of you and where she sees things going. You need to be right up front and talk about it. Again, if she is really your friend she will be straight with you. Once you do this, never bring it up again and don't create a situation where the question may need to be addressed again. Go in another direction entirely or you could destroy the friendship. My guess is she is very fond of you as a friend and that's where she wants it. I may be wrong and for your sake I hope so. If you learn from her that she wants this to remain a friendship, then you need to start pulling some of your energy back from her and start searching for romance. Yes, do keep her as a valuable friend but you are being cruel and inhumane to yourself by hanging around her hoping something more is going to come of it when it's probably not. I've been there lots of times and I can tell you...when a chick says "we are friends" 99.9999999999999999999 percent of the time that EXACTLY what she means. My very strong advice to you is that you start getting out and meeting other ladies and getting some romance in your life. Don't torture yourself by being around this lady all the time who considers you only a friend, all the while hoping one day she will change her mind. Read the paragraph above to see what percentage of the time women change their mind on this kind of thing.

[yes]

I have no idea what she might be feeling, but isn't it painful to hang around somebody for whom you feel romantically, while all they want is friendship? doesn't that prevent you from moving on to other girls?

 

if it does, then if i were u, i'd resolve the issue with this girl sometime soon: if she wants to date you - cool, if not - get away from her and heal and start going after other girls. otherwise, u'll just sit there until she gets involved with someone else, and that'll hurt you... and u'll still have to heal & move on.

 

if u do talk to her about it, stress it that u'r asking about whether or not she'd be interested in dating you at SOME time - dont push her into NOW... she might say she'd like to change your r/s gradually or whatever else. or she might say its strictly friendship. and then u deal with it.

 

good luck!

 

-yes

Good evening all, About eight months ago I was dating this girl and things were progressing very nicely. I needed to know if our relationship was ready for the next step so I asked her out. To my disbelief, she says that we are friends and that's how it has been since. My feeling tells me that the timing was wrong. Since then we remain good friends and we do nice things together and for each other. There is mutual respect and a special bond between us. During this time she hasn't dated other guys and has never even said a word about other guys. Then for my birthday last week, she gave me a present that you would not typically give a friend. It's monetary value is high but it's sentimental value is priceless. I was touched but it put some ideas in my head. So here's my dilemma. I can't figure out if she still likes me. I have a feeling that she still does but I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to ruin things in case if she doesn't like me in a romantic way. Do you think she still likes me based on what I said? Any advice how I should handle this? Your advice is welcomed. Thank you. azucar

[azucar]

Firstly I'd like to say that you guys are fantastic. Your advice is so valuable and you all are doing a great service. The best thing is that you guys are sincere about this and understand that you are dealing with people's feelings so it's important to be sensitive to them. Keep up the good work.

 

Tony ... I didn't realize that I was confusing. I should have said that I was seeing her before I asked her out.

 

I've taken all of your advice to heart and I appreciate your input. I should happen because it feels right - she knows it and so do I. But you are right - I can't wait because it may never come. Trouble is meeting another nice girl is tough.

 

azucar

 

Good evening all, About eight months ago I was dating this girl and things were progressing very nicely. I needed to know if our relationship was ready for the next step so I asked her out. To my disbelief, she says that we are friends and that's how it has been since. My feeling tells me that the timing was wrong. Since then we remain good friends and we do nice things together and for each other. There is mutual respect and a special bond between us. During this time she hasn't dated other guys and has never even said a word about other guys. Then for my birthday last week, she gave me a present that you would not typically give a friend. It's monetary value is high but it's sentimental value is priceless. I was touched but it put some ideas in my head. So here's my dilemma. I can't figure out if she still likes me. I have a feeling that she still does but I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to ruin things in case if she doesn't like me in a romantic way. Do you think she still likes me based on what I said? Any advice how I should handle this? Your advice is welcomed. Thank you. azucar