Could I ever had a second chance, or have I ruined my chances?

[Suonarelamusica]

A few years ago, I made a terrible mistake and I'm afraid that I've ruined my chances of ever being happy and ruined my chances with the person I think was meant for me. Furthermore, I'm scared that there is something profoundly wrong with me, and I'm wondering what it is... if I'm incorrigibly stupid or have some subconscious desire to ruin my life.

 

I will be so grateful to anyone who wants to help me, because it's torturing me, and I'm going crazy. I feel in my heart that no one will ever be as special to me as my best friend.

My heart is broken in a million pieces, because I am scared that I'll never have another chance with him. He has been with a girlfriend for nearly two years, and he builds his world around her. At one point, I had a chance to be in a long distance relationship with him. He lives in Mexico, and I live in the USA (at least for the moment) and we became best friends about five years ago when he and I studied at the same university down in Mexico. We were just friends during that time. I graduated college and returned to the US (I had some readjustment problems which is another story). A year later, I went back to visit Mexico, because I was missing Mexico and missing him. I had the hopes of permanently returning to Mexico to live to work or study, but didn't know when. When I was down in Mexico, I made this terrible mistake and I'll never forgive myself. My friend started being really romantic with me and he told me that he had feelings for me. He took me dancing and then bought me the most beautiful red rose (I still have my rose) and kissed me. I've never had someone be so romantic to me... I told him that I thought he would be a good partner for me and he said that he would be a very good partner for me. he asked if we could be more than friends. I wish I had told him to wait for me to return to Mexico and then we could start something. He asked me for a long-distance relationship and I didn't take it, because I was sure that we could have a real relationship when I returned to Mexico and that a long distance one would spoil the chances of a real one. I really cared about him, and still do. Well, I was down there for a week and we continued to see each other and it was like a relationship. Then I returned to the US and we talked to each other on messenger every night, until the break of dawn. Then, I was without Messenger for awhile (I had email but no computer) and he wrote me on my 27th birthday to wish me a happy birthday, but on my 28th birthday i didn't hear from him. i went for several months without a scrap of news. Then, last fall, I got on Messenger again and I saw his avatar, Fulano had his arms around this other girl and his caption was "Fulanita (not her real name) I love you with my whole heart you are the most special girl in the whole world." My heart broke in a million pieces. I promptly felt sick, and i became so depressed that I was barely able to eat, or sleep for nearly a month. I talked to him a month later and he said that I rejected him when he said he wanted to be more than friends. He tells me that he cares about me and I'm always in his heart and I'm his best friend. I asked him, "Did I ruin my chances with you?" And he said something like, "I think that I was the one who lost my chance with you." He said that when we were at university together that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but that he was afraid to ruin the budding friendship. i think he was saying that because he knows that I'm torturing myself with regret. Then he said, "I don't want you to suffer." I asked if we could ever be boyfriend and girlfriend in the future, or if it was too late, and he said, "More than being too late, you can't go back in time. I would have liked for you to be my girlfriend, but I have another gf now. I don't know if I'm going to live my life with her, but in spite of the fact that I love her more, I havent forgotten you."

I can't forgive myself. I know that I've written a lot, but I'll explode if I don't get it out of my system. I'm tortured by hatred for the other girl. It makes me crazy jealous to see him being loving and romantic with some other girl. I still feel like he was meant for me, and I still care about him so much, and I'm feeling so sad. I'm scared to death that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. Someone today told me that Fulano must have been a really good person to take the blame, to spare me from suffering and that hurts the most because I'm realizing just how special he is, and just what I've lost. And I'm torturing myself wondering how things would have turned out if we had tried to make a long distance relationship work. Futhermore, I'm scared there is something profoundly and seriously wrong with me. I had a once in a lifetime chance within my reach, to have a love that was made in Heaven, and I am scared that I ruined it. I'm torturing myself, wondering how I could have been so stupid. I wonder if I've ruined his happiness, if he would have been even happier with me. I feel overcome with guilt and fear and it's destroying me. I'll always know that "the one" is out there, and that he's loving some other girl, and that the reason he's not by my side is all my fault. I cry myself to sleep every night. People tell me to move on, and I know that if I don't move on, that it's going to destroy me. but I don't know how I can move on when this terrible mistake is going to haunt me like a ghost.

I didn't reject him because I didn't love him enough. I will admit that I'm so stupid but I know in my heart that I would do anything to bring him back. I made a trip to Mexico mainly to see him, because he was getting ready to do another term of service in the army and it was my last chance. If he needed me, I would glady jump into the ocean and swim across it just to be with him. I know that sounds trite but it's true. I made a terrible mistake because I'm an idiot, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him.

I am sure in my heart that he is the one and that I'll never love anyone as much as I love him. Even before I met him, I was in love with the latin culture. I had my heart set on a latino guy long ago. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm just not attracted to white, American guys. I'm not anti American but the American culture just isn't magical for me, and latin men are "magical." Such a trite word but I'm not good at expressing myself with words. That's probably why I'm such a disaster when it comes to relationships. (My actions are another story... like I said, I would swim the sea just to be with him, if he needed me). I didn't choose to study in mexico just to meet a guy, but that was my golden opportunity to meet my future mate, and I blew it. I'm 29 years old now, and I've long since graduated from college. College is a place where you're in proximity with loads of guys every day. Even if I were to return to Mexico it wouldn't be the same.

In November, I'm going abroad again, this time to Spain (to study professional school). It's a dream come true and I've bent over backwards to make it happen... and I feel so grateful, but I also feel sad. Fulano told me that since he was a tiny child he had always dreamed of going. I told him about how I had always felt the same way, but I never told anyone else in Mexico because I just felt blessed to be in Mexico and didn't want to be taken up for a Spanish imperialist. We decided that when one of us went, that we would both go together. When I'm there, I'm going to feel so sad because I'll be reminded that Fulano could have been there by my side, experiencing my dream with me. And, I'll be all alone there.

I'm getting to that age where if you're not married, you start to panic. I would give anything for another chance with my friend. I waited all my life for someone like Fulano. All my life I dreamed of someone like him. Mexican and handsome, sweet and nice who knows how to listen, someone who knows how to be romantic and loving and understanding, someone with beautifu brown eyes and black hair who knows how to dance, and loves music and someone who would make life magical for me. I found that person, and I could have shared my life with him and it's tearing me up inside.

Is there any possibility that I will ever have a second chance with him in the future?

Or, have I ruined my chance of ever having a soul mate?

I would never kill myself but sometimes I wish I were dead because the prospect of knowing that I could have had this opportunity that was sent from above... the stuff dreams are made of... and I ruined it, is so unbearable.

I can't find peace in my heart. In spite of the fact that I am pathologically stupid when it comes to relationships I have so much love in my heart and I want to share my life. I want a true and lasting love. What are my chances now?

I'm scared I'm going to go crazy.

[0hpenelope]

A few years ago, I made a terrible mistake and I'm afraid that I've ruined my chances of ever being happy and ruined my chances with the person I think was meant for me. Furthermore, I'm scared that there is something profoundly wrong with me, and I'm wondering what it is... if I'm incorrigibly stupid or have some subconscious desire to ruin my life.

 

I will be so grateful to anyone who wants to help me, because it's torturing me, and I'm going crazy. I feel in my heart that no one will ever be as special to me as my best friend.

 

My heart is broken in a million pieces, because I am scared that I'll never have another chance with him. He has been with a girlfriend for nearly two years, and he builds his world around her. At one point, I had a chance to be in a long distance relationship with him. He lives in Mexico, and I live in the USA (at least for the moment) and we became best friends about five years ago when he and I studied at the same university down in Mexico. We were just friends during that time. I graduated college and returned to the US (I had some readjustment problems which is another story).

 

A year later, I went back to visit Mexico, because I was missing Mexico and missing him. I had the hopes of permanently returning to Mexico to live to work or study, but didn't know when. When I was down in Mexico, I made this terrible mistake and I'll never forgive myself. My friend started being really romantic with me and he told me that he had feelings for me. He took me dancing and then bought me the most beautiful red rose (I still have my rose) and kissed me. I've never had someone be so romantic to me... I told him that I thought he would be a good partner for me and he said that he would be a very good partner for me. he asked if we could be more than friends.

 

I wish I had told him to wait for me to return to Mexico and then we could start something. He asked me for a long-distance relationship and I didn't take it, because I was sure that we could have a real relationship when I returned to Mexico and that a long distance one would spoil the chances of a real one. I really cared about him, and still do. Well, I was down there for a week and we continued to see each other and it was like a relationship. Then I returned to the US and we talked to each other on messenger every night, until the break of dawn. Then, I was without Messenger for awhile (I had email but no computer) and he wrote me on my 27th birthday to wish me a happy birthday, but on my 28th birthday i didn't hear from him.

 

i went for several months without a scrap of news. Then, last fall, I got on Messenger again and I saw his avatar, Fulano had his arms around this other girl and his caption was "Fulanita (not her real name) I love you with my whole heart you are the most special girl in the whole world." My heart broke in a million pieces. I promptly felt sick, and i became so depressed that I was barely able to eat, or sleep for nearly a month.

 

I talked to him a month later and he said that I rejected him when he said he wanted to be more than friends. He tells me that he cares about me and I'm always in his heart and I'm his best friend. I asked him, "Did I ruin my chances with you?" And he said something like, "I think that I was the one who lost my chance with you." He said that when we were at university together that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but that he was afraid to ruin the budding friendship.

 

i think he was saying that because he knows that I'm torturing myself with regret. Then he said, "I don't want you to suffer." I asked if we could ever be boyfriend and girlfriend in the future, or if it was too late, and he said, "More than being too late, you can't go back in time. I would have liked for you to be my girlfriend, but I have another gf now. I don't know if I'm going to live my life with her, but in spite of the fact that I love her more, I havent forgotten you."

 

I can't forgive myself. I know that I've written a lot, but I'll explode if I don't get it out of my system. I'm tortured by hatred for the other girl. It makes me crazy jealous to see him being loving and romantic with some other girl. I still feel like he was meant for me, and I still care about him so much, and I'm feeling so sad. I'm scared to death that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. Someone today told me that Fulano must have been a really good person to take the blame, to spare me from suffering and that hurts the most because I'm realizing just how special he is, and just what I've lost. And I'm torturing myself wondering how things would have turned out if we had tried to make a long distance relationship work.

 

Futhermore, I'm scared there is something profoundly and seriously wrong with me. I had a once in a lifetime chance within my reach, to have a love that was made in Heaven, and I am scared that I ruined it. I'm torturing myself, wondering how I could have been so stupid. I wonder if I've ruined his happiness, if he would have been even happier with me. I feel overcome with guilt and fear and it's destroying me. I'll always know that "the one" is out there, and that he's loving some other girl, and that the reason he's not by my side is all my fault. I cry myself to sleep every night. People tell me to move on, and I know that if I don't move on, that it's going to destroy me. but I don't know how I can move on when this terrible mistake is going to haunt me like a ghost.

 

I didn't reject him because I didn't love him enough. I will admit that I'm so stupid but I know in my heart that I would do anything to bring him back. I made a trip to Mexico mainly to see him, because he was getting ready to do another term of service in the army and it was my last chance. If he needed me, I would glady jump into the ocean and swim across it just to be with him. I know that sounds trite but it's true. I made a terrible mistake because I'm an idiot, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him.

 

I am sure in my heart that he is the one and that I'll never love anyone as much as I love him. Even before I met him, I was in love with the latin culture. I had my heart set on a latino guy long ago. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm just not attracted to white, American guys. I'm not anti American but the American culture just isn't magical for me, and latin men are "magical." Such a trite word but I'm not good at expressing myself with words. That's probably why I'm such a disaster when it comes to relationships. (My actions are another story... like I said, I would swim the sea just to be with him, if he needed me). I didn't choose to study in mexico just to meet a guy, but that was my golden opportunity to meet my future mate, and I blew it. I'm 29 years old now, and I've long since graduated from college. College is a place where you're in proximity with loads of guys every day. Even if I were to return to Mexico it wouldn't be the same.

 

In November, I'm going abroad again, this time to Spain (to study professional school). It's a dream come true and I've bent over backwards to make it happen... and I feel so grateful, but I also feel sad. Fulano told me that since he was a tiny child he had always dreamed of going. I told him about how I had always felt the same way, but I never told anyone else in Mexico because I just felt blessed to be in Mexico and didn't want to be taken up for a Spanish imperialist. We decided that when one of us went, that we would both go together. When I'm there, I'm going to feel so sad because I'll be reminded that Fulano could have been there by my side, experiencing my dream with me. And, I'll be all alone there.

 

I'm getting to that age where if you're not married, you start to panic. I would give anything for another chance with my friend. I waited all my life for someone like Fulano. All my life I dreamed of someone like him. Mexican and handsome, sweet and nice who knows how to listen, someone who knows how to be romantic and loving and understanding, someone with beautifu brown eyes and black hair who knows how to dance, and loves music and someone who would make life magical for me. I found that person, and I could have shared my life with him and it's tearing me up inside.

 

Is there any possibility that I will ever have a second chance with him in the future?

 

Or, have I ruined my chance of ever having a soul mate?

 

I would never kill myself but sometimes I wish I were dead because the prospect of knowing that I could have had this opportunity that was sent from above... the stuff dreams are made of... and I ruined it, is so unbearable.

 

I can't find peace in my heart. In spite of the fact that I am pathologically stupid when it comes to relationships I have so much love in my heart and I want to share my life. I want a true and lasting love. What are my chances now?

 

I'm scared I'm going to go crazy.

 

I don't have much to contribute, except that we always have a choice. You have regrets, but as he said you can't change the choices you made. You had reasons for deciding to do what you did back then.

 

He did what he had to do to move on. He was probably just as heartbroken as you are right now...

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've got nothing left, but I'm responding in hopes that more experienced members of LS will see this. For their benefit (and I hope you don't take offense), I broke down your story into more readable paragraphs. Sometimes the format may detract other users from responding.

 

Good luck to you.

[nowhereman82]

I got burned on the post after I couldn't read it....but I see 0hpenelope fixed it. Thanks!

 

Hopefully someone else will read it.

 

OP, 2 years is a long time....at that point this isn't a rebound and he has most likely moved on in every sense. He has a place for you in his heart but not the place you would like.

 

Though if you truly feel this is your soul late, and all is fair in love and war.....then you should contact him via phone or in person and lay it out. If it's meant to be, then so be it. If not, you know...and you can move on. Hard but if you need it...there's your option.

[Suonarelamusica]

I really appreciate your answering my question. But I still have a doubt... I'm not sure if I will ever have another chance with him, or if I am destined to be single the rest of my life. How can you stop torturing yourself when you know that you could have had a wonderful love, but never will, because of a mistake you made? I'm scared I'm going to go crazy.

[Suonarelamusica]

Thanks OP, I hope it helps.

[nowhereman82]

You said you have a doubt and you think you might not ever have a chance with him. And you think you might be single the rest of your life.

 

There is only one way to fix this, and it's mind of matter. In some way that holds meaning to you, you need to know in your heart that he is not a part of your life, won't be, and you won't let him be....even if you want him to be.

 

And then get real pretty and go places where guys will hit on you. Somewhere besides the bar. Make eye contact and smile

 

Dating will get you over it....but you need to make yourself seem available and open to guys approaching you.

[Suonarelamusica]

I want a boyfriend who is my best friend. otherwise it doesn't mean anything.

[me007]

ok, first off everything happens for a reason. Things happen and sometimes our actions make them happen. Second, you are going to Spain, you shouldn't dwell on missing your friend. Try to take it as an opportunity to meet the guy of your dreams, ok? Don't lose another chance by regretting the past one. If you let it, you might meet someone even better for you than your friend and you'll understand why things didn't happen before. They can become your bestfriend too, it just takes time to build up to it. And if anything, and not to hurt the friend you like since he was kind enough to let you down gently, but him seeing/knowing you are in Spain honestly enjoying your time and life and maybe seeing you with someone else will make him start thinking he IS missing out on something not being with you. You know, as humans we want what we can't have, like in your case, and it can go vice versa with your friend.

 

I know it's hard regretting, even though my story isn't the same as yours, the feelings are the same, we lost the man of our dreams and thinking if only we did things differently they would be with us now instead of us posting on this site. . In my heart I kinda know noone will be hold a candle to my last love, but maybe someone can come pretty close to him. I'm like you, I don't want to be single forever. The only thing you can do is search out for someone else and don't miss out on another opportunity.

[hopefulInFuture]

I am sorry if I am going to ruin your fantasy here and I think I am going to get bashed here... I can't think it can truly be love. I don't believe in romantic love. That's all chemistry. I used to be like you dreaming of a charming prince. But my experiences taught me this is not real. I think you are living in a fantasy world and you need to wake up. I know how difficult it is to be 29 and still not having the steady fiancee whom you will marry. But I think you are hurting yourself by building these fantasy castles. Please take my advice as that from a friend and go see a doctor. Living in the past is not a good thing and does not allow you to find the right man.

 

Good luck

[sultry33]

I want a boyfriend who is my best friend. otherwise it doesn't mean anything.

you will get this with someone else;)

 

 

 

i went for several months without a scrap of news. Then, last fall, I got on Messenger again and I saw his avatar, Fulano had his arms around this other girl and his caption was "Fulanita (not her real name) I love you with my whole heart you are the most special girl in the whole world." My heart broke in a million pieces. I promptly felt sick, and i became so depressed that I was barely able to eat, or sleep for nearly a month.

 

I talked to him a month later and he said that I rejected him when he said he wanted to be more than friends. He tells me that he cares about me and I'm always in his heart and I'm his best friend. I asked him, "Did I ruin my chances with you?" And he said something like, "I think that I was the one who lost my chance with you." He said that when we were at university together that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but that he was afraid to ruin the budding friendship.

 

i think he was saying that because he knows that I'm torturing myself with regret. Then he said, "I don't want you to suffer." I asked if we could ever be boyfriend and girlfriend in the future, or if it was too late, and he said, "More than being too late, you can't go back in time. I would have liked for you to be my girlfriend, but I have another gf now. I don't know if I'm going to live my life with her, but in spite of the fact that I love her more, I havent forgotten you."

 

hi im sorry you are hurting but this bit above shows he has moved on.. whilst he wont ever forget you.. he is now in love with another.. you need to

heal yourself .. find yourself and do what makes you happy.. any contact with him is just adding fuel to the fire.. dont hurt yourself anymore.. you im sure have alot of love to give and receive

 

i know this must hurt real bad but chasing a "dream" that wont happen will in the long term hurt you more

[Suonarelamusica]

But, I don't WANT an American man. I doubt that I'll ever have the opportunity to study abroad in Mexico again... and American guys just don't understand me!!!