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Ex girlfriend getting married soon after less than a year


Superdude87

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Hey, I just wanted to get some advice/thoughts on a strange situation I've found myself in. I'm 20, and have only been in one relationship which lasted for nearly 3 years. We started dating in January 2005 and even though we had our share of fights and mini-separations, looking back we had a great relationship. I've never been closer to anyone and we really were best friends. Around May 2007, my father passed away which added alot of stress to my life, and obviously affected our relationship in a negative way. Around August 2007 we decided to end it, mutually. At first I was pretty happy, finally having the free time I had always wanted and having some freedom after spending nearly every waking moment with this girl for the past 3 years. About 2 months later she breaks the silence to tell me she's dating someone, some guy who is 29 (she had just turned 19). Yes, 10 years older. Anyway, after hearing that I freaked. I knew she was no longer mine, and this just kinda made it real. I told her I missed her and loved her, but she told me she was happy and even though she loved me too and always would, it was over. So about a month later, around Christmas time, we did the same routine. I told her I loved her and missed her, except this time she told me she finally realized what she had with me and wanted to try to make things. She dumped her boyfriend and the next day we hung out for the first time in a while. It seemed like we hadn't skipped a beat, and she was very lovey dovey. It made me uncomfortable because I just felt like we were rushing into it, and I hadn't been dating anyone this whole time while she had been. I didn't want to rush things and get her hopes up, which I made perfectly clear to her. However, she insisted that I just "let go" and let things happen because she really really wanted to be with me. I had my doubts, and after about two weeks she randomly texts me stating that she thinks we are just gonna be friends. I agreed, and we didn't speak until 2 weeks ago. I text her to see how she is doing, and she tells me she's good but she's marrying her ex (the 29 year old) after only 2 weeks of being back together. I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. Just a month earlier she was "in love" with me and wanted to make things work, now she's jumping back into things with this guy who is 10 years older and getting married! It's like I'm losing my best friend, my ex, and sometimes it feels like my soul mate. We were so close and had such a great relationship, even if we didn't do anything special, just being together was all we needed. He's in the Army, and in May he's getting stationed in NY, so she'll be moving with him and quite possibly I won't see her for a long, long time. Of course I think about us getting back together, although this is the worst possible time. I'm not sure how she can devote her entire life to someone she has known for less than 6 months. Even if things don't work out between them, I don't know if I will ever be able to look at her the same again, because she has obviously lost the feelings for me she once had. What should I do? Cut off contact completely? Just forget about her? I know I'm young and need to go out and date other people and I'll probably realize that there really are other great people out there, but sometimes I'm afraid that she really was the only one for me and now she's gone. I let her get away!! Any help? Sorry for the novel, thanks you guys!

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sounds to me shes confused and she thinks that something new to her is truely hapiness. This guy sounds like a rebound that she took to the next level.... dont wait aroudn for her, you gave her a chance and it didnt work. there are many fish in the sea. I too had only been with her (relationship wise) I was with this girl for six years, now well ....to say the lleast its over for now..........move on....sounds like she didnt think much of you anyway...and if she does come back around becasue she realized she was wrong, you would have already moved on

 

fool me onece sahme on you, fool me twice shame on me

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Shes definitely confused.

You need to let her live her life and make her own mistakes. Chances are she will eventually see how immature shes being and breakup with this guy shes with. But chances are she MIGHT really want to be with this guy.

Either way, its ALL on her now.

Theres nothing you can do.

I know its hard.

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Hey thanks you guys. Yea, it is pretty hard. Not just as her ex-bf, but just someone who cares about her as a friend. She's just up and leaving her family and friends to be with this guy its bizarre. I really don't know what I'm going to say to her if/when it doesn't work out and she moves back home and realizes the mistake she made. I honestly see it happening sooner rather than later, considering she dumped the guy a month before marrying him.

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10 years !! well trust me i dont think that will work out tbh. when she still has life to live im sure she will freak out and think what was i thinking. i mean when she is 27 he would be 37.... massive gap. just cant see it working

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Yeah, that was my first reaction when she told me she was dating him. I just was speechless when she told me she was getting married. They say you can't put at age limit on love, but seriously!! She's just a kid and he's ready to settle down! Well it seems like she is too so maybe they are good for each other.

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I don't get it. She came back and you weren't all that enthusiastic about it, so why is it such a big deal to you now that she's gone again?

 

She's a little flaky, and she's making a rebound decision. Not a healthy place for her, her fiancee, and you are well out of it.

 

Let it go, and yes, cut off contact. You won't be doing either her or her fiancee any favors, and certainly not yourself, to hold on to something that's already gone.

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I don't get it. She came back and you weren't all that enthusiastic about it, so why is it such a big deal to you now that she's gone again?

 

She's a little flaky, and she's making a rebound decision. Not a healthy place for her, her fiancee, and you are well out of it.

 

Let it go, and yes, cut off contact. You won't be doing either her or her fiancee any favors, and certainly not yourself, to hold on to something that's already gone.

 

Yeah I know I was just having a hard time with the fact that one day she's sleeping with another guy, and all of a sudden wants to get back together. I told her I wanted to take it slow, but she was all over me the first day we hung out it was just too fast. I felt like the rebound, and considering our past and how much I meant to her, I don't deserve to be a rebound. If she had agreed to take things a bit slower, maybe it would have worked. And of course I still have feelings for her, she was my first everything. It's just awkward now even trying to be her friend knowing she';s in love with someone else.

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