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she left, i want her back :'(


JustinWolf

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Well, finally decided to register after reading so much here on LS. First of all what is LC? Perhaps it's Low Contact? ^_-

 

Okay well my story pretty much goes like this, i was with this girl for like a 1 year and I really loved her. She always told me she loves me so much she'd never let me go and that even if she was mad, give her time and everything's gonna be fine because for her I was the greatest man and first true love cuz she never felt like that before. She said even if we weren't together and all she'd be there for me and such.

 

Anyways, I'm not the kind of guy that really knows how to express emotions or anything and I used to be really cold to her before we started going out together. When we did, I really was amazed because for once I was feeling in love. Yet, the same problem, couldn't really express it and she's the kind of girl that I would have problems seeing often and I would sort of get angry and pissed (not too angry, but still) because I loved her and I wanted to see her more and more and more, henceforth. And I talked to her about future plans and such because well falling in love so much for me was really something new and I thought perhaps she's the ONE so I talked to her about future plans and that really made her uncomfortable because her parents are kinda harsh and she isn't allowed to see any guys so it sort of made her, let's say confused. During the last month of our relationship, I really showed her a lot of love, went to see her often, all she had to say was "im feeling hungry" and i'd run to a restaurant to grab some food for her.

 

We used to converse a lot on MSN and AIM cuz phone talk was also kind of cut off, if her father learned about it, save us god. She also had volleyball practice and she always told me not to come and see her because maybe her parents are gonna be there :S. Well anyways she got mad too and all the tension elevated eventually, she dropped me cold like a really hot coffee mug. Like any big idiot, I ran back to her and wept and such saying how much I loved her and for once I was actually showing emotions and I did everything I shouldn't have for 2 weeks (i know bad idea). So, what happens then is that she tells me she doesn't love me anymore and the love faded, and that's coming from a girl telling me that love never fades away and how much she'll always love me. She wanted us to be friends, I continued running back to her and she blocked me from msn and aim. Still, I sent her a msg saying "i was only mad becuz i wanted to be with you forever and just the thought of me not seeing you made me sorrowful so i panicked" and she replied me with "i don't care". I felt heart broken, stopped talking to her also (strict NC from both sides i guess) and after 3 weeks i couldnt take it anymore i sent her a message.

 

She unblocked me and we talked about stuff and I made little or no mention of how much i wanted her. Next day, I learn that she has a new boyfriend. heart broken again and i felt really dead but i told her it was good news and that i was happy with it (totally untrue in my mind). she told me he shows her lots of affection and he's always there for her and he's just really crazy over her. I asked her if she loved him and she said how much he deserves it and then I asked if it's how much he deserves or do you really love him? she said both. I want to move on, but i'm having a really hard time forgetting all of this and how much i truely love her, and she knows It's very hard for me to fall for someone. Anyways, I don't know what to do, i truely want her back... and I feel as if she doesn't really love him and that guy's just a replacement of some kind. I love that girl...

 

Whoa, I told myself I wouldn't write so much! I want her back, get that other rebound-guy out of the picture!!

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CalamitousJane

Oh Justin, that is so tough.

 

It is interesting that it seems like the more you were willing and able to be there emotionally the more she pulled away. I've heard a theory about couples that I think kis really true: When two people form a couple, both of them have about the same ability to be close. Sometimes both partners blame just one of them for having intimacy fears, but typically the partner "without" fears is just hiding his/her fears by choosing a partner who has obvious fears!

 

I've seen it a bunch of times in real life, where the "problem partner" starts to work on himself and the other partner suddenly "falls out of love" or finds someone else, or can't forgive the past.

 

I think sometimes the one that "falls out of love" can fall back in love if the natural connection is strong enough and the circumstances are right. And the right circumstance are usually when their fear of losing you completely is stronger than their fear of getting too close. This is why waiting around patiently is always a major waste of time.

 

NC is great, because it really helps you break the addiction and get some perspective. It doesn't have to be forever. I think my time in strict NC helped me "level the playing field" of my heart, to the point where I feel almost (still not quite) as excited about starting a relationship with someone new as I do about being with my ex.

 

Now that I am backing off a little from strict NC, I'm making sure to treat my ex like I would any friend. It's working great for me to pretend I'm very happily married, and I don't want to relate to him in any way that would hurt my husband.

 

This seems to be having an interesting side effect of driving him nuts, but that's not really the main point;)

 

The first days and weeks of NC are just wretched. Especially around the holidays. So good luck and hang in there. Reading LS helps a lot!

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I've been reading a lot of topics and the more I read the more I realise that sometimes letting go is really good, but everytime she comes online or anything my heart skips a beat and there I am pulling my own leg, usually I start good, respond only like every 5 mins or so, be busy doing something else, and then she finds a way to get my attention like changing her nickname to "**** off, like i care for you" and stuff like that and i talked to her earlier and she had that nickname.

 

me: whats with the nickname?

her: pretty clear to me

me: you talking about me? (BIG MISTAKE shouldn't have asked)

her: lol no

 

And there it is, shot myself on the foot again.

 

PS: I still dont know what LC means!

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CalamitousJane

I think it's "limited contact", but I also think it's useless unless you're really starting to not care so much. Today I finally turned off Skype so I wouldn't track him in "invisible" mode anymore.

 

Maybe I'm almost ready for LC...

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I still care but not as much as before so :S I really don't know where to head from here. Sometimes, I feel like I really don't care and then sometimes I feel like I do. Worst thing is when I'm about to go to sleep, I think of her. When I wake up the first thought that comes in my head, is her. Don't know what to do.

 

And thanks CalamitousJane, your information does indeed seem to be true. I have seen couples like that too, just didn't think it was going to happen to me in particular. Especially when I had a girl totally in love with me!

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