he cheated, but confessed right away....now what

[bluegoo06]

just wondering what some of your opinions are on this.

 

and for some backround information, our relationship has been a little bit rocky, but mostly little things that were getting better. there was no problems enough to cause this.

 

 

so like friday night my boyfriend went out with friends to the bars, as he has many of times, he kissed a girl , a friend of a friend, and started freaking out about, he claims he left right after it happened and told the girl he ****ed up.

 

so he went to work all day, and he came home to me and told me what he did while balling his eyes out. this was the first opportunity i could have seen him. and he is not one to ever cry about anything.

 

so the fact that he was so upfront about it and was crying his eyes out, shows me he is sorry. he spent the rest of the night crying about it and i went to break up with him. then 2 hours after we had that discussion he called me back over to cry some more about how sorry he was.

 

 

so let me know what you think about this....is it worth giving another chance?

[rs.dallaire]

Only you hold the answer to your question.

 

I think your guy is probably a sensitive person who can't stand to lie to you. That being said, there's probably some pretty serious issues in your relationship that need to be addressed.

 

It's usually when things seem to go a bit better that problems come up.

 

Whether or not the guy is worth a second chance is your call entirely, based on the history you have with him. If you do give him a second chance, I'd start working on forgiveness and all of the issues you two had before it happened.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Only time and his actions will tell you if it is worth it or not. Its good that he confessed without you having to find out from someone else. Sometimes, a ONS is just that - a one off that will not be repeated, a mistake and one that people can and do feel deeply remorseful for.

 

If you stay with him, understand that you will go through absolute hell for a while. You will question his whereabouts, you will feel your gut curdle when you hear his phone ring, you will wonder what he is doing when he is not with you. You wonder when he will cheat again. You wonder how truthful he was with the events as they happened. In fact, you will obsess over 'getting the truth'. Eventually, you have to let that go. Its part of the healing process - but not until you are ready.

 

You have to be honest about how you are feeling with him, and he has to accept that and ride with it. He will get frustrated not being trusted. You will get frustrated not trusting him. Just keep the lines of communication open. Recognize that both of you have the right to feel like you do, and both of you deserve to be heard by the other. What you do not want to do is continually punish him for it. What he will want to do is not downplay the devastation that it caused. With time, and with absolutely no contact whatsoever with the OW you will find yourself a little more trusting. A little less devastated. A little more healed.

 

I'm telling you though, it does take time and a lot of patience. I can tell you this also: If he insists that OW is a 'friend' and insists on being in any sort of contact with her, then your relationship really doesn't have a chance. If he tells you this, tell him that you are sorry, but your relationship has no place for "friends" like that, and walk away.

 

It won't be easy. The easy way out is to cut your losses, and be done with him. The hard part is staying and trying to work it out. It all depends on how hard both of you are willing to work, and how much time and effort you want to invest in it. You also have to protect some tiny part of your heart and soul, and hide it away. If he does it again, that small part will be what you have to draw strength from to walk away.

[bluegoo06]

this other women was a person taht goes to my school. but she is not a friend, or anything like that.

[Highheels74]

It depends on your history and how close, how long you've been together and how important it is he stay in your life. It sounds like he really regrets it. If you take him back right away, then he will learn how easily he got away with it. If you want him back so badly, make it a little hard....Maybe tell him you'll "think about it" and make him suffer in suspense for a while to teach him a lesson. Let him know you are a woman who doesn't tolerate that at all. If he doesn't mean that much to you, then I would just dump him.

[bluegoo06]

ya i understand what you mean. i told him im willing to maybe give him another chance, but its gonna be hell for him to make it up to me. and that he is gonna need to prove a lot of stuff to me. hes gonna have to do somethings so i know that the still cares and stuff. we are gonna take a break for a while before we really decide everything.