torranceshipman Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 Hey guys, I've been dating a great guy for about 3 months, but after his dad sadly passed away, he suddenly ended it between us, saying I wasn't the right person for him, although he loves and misses me. However, since the split (1.5weeks ago) he's been sending me a nice txt, or calling me, etc pretty much every day, and last week he invited me to lunch with his mom...I couldn't make it so he said there'd be lots of other opportunities...he called this week and invited me to lunch with his mom and him this week too. I am trying to give him space and just be a friend to him now, but the signs seemed good-and I like him so much, so I asked him if the lunch invites meant his feelings were changing a little bit again...he said no, he meant what he said when we broke up, that we weren't right for eachother... I was sad, and said I'd like to be friends (I don't want NC, as he needs friends and support right now) - but that I might need a bit of time to adjust, and so probably couldn't go to the lunch. He was really sad, said he understood but txted me later to say he really wished I'd go as him and his mom would miss me...when I txted to say it was a nice idea, he called me straight back and asked if that meant I was thinking about it....in the end I agreed to go and he was happy... I get he is low and confused, and grieving means he has no space for new relationships, etc, but its hard...he says we're not right for eachother at all, but seemed so happy with me before, and now still seems to want to be with me...does it seem to anyone like I have a reason to think he might still want to be more than friends, i.e. is there a reason for me to hang in there? It just doesnt seem like normal break up behaviour at all. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 This guy is so confused and you should not have to deal with it. You made your feelings known and he was direct with you in that he wanted the break up and still intends to honor it. His actions might say otherwise yet it is purely leading you on for no reason. Step back and go nc. Link to post Share on other sites
LN99 Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 I think I responded to this before.... But yeah, when you lose someone close to you or they die suddenly....you just need some space. I mean it helps to be with friends, but anything more then that is just too much. At least thats how I'm feeling at the moment. I lost my mom 3 weeks ago and my dad died suddenly 3 yrs ago. I really haven't been in any state of mind to have a relationship with anyone. In a way thats good. I'm all over the place with my emotions. I mean one moment I'm ok and then next Im not. It also has made me put a lot of things into perspective. Like for example, I was thinking about getting back together with an ex of mine before this happened a few weeks ago. Now, I realize that it just would never work. So therefore I politely let him know I wasn't interested in anything more then friendship-as long as he can handle that. Can you handle just being friends with this guy? If you can, then be there as a friend for him. YOu have to realize that you two may never get back together and eventually he may date other people. If you can't handle it, then definately go NC. I mean he is going through a lot, but its not fair for you to go through all of that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author torranceshipman Posted May 16, 2007 Author Share Posted May 16, 2007 Hey LN99, Yes, you did reply to one of my posts earlier, thanks so much for both of your posts - I just wanted to say how really sorry I am to hear about losing your mom 3 weeks ago....and the loss of your dad, you must be going through so much right now - and my thoughts are really with you xxx Link to post Share on other sites
Briansgal Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 I agree with the other two replies. He just lost someone very important in his life, and maybe he feels that if you two got really close to one another, and things didn't work out -- that he would experience a similar loss. He just needs a chance to sort things out himself. The best course of action would to be remain friends and be supportive. It sounds like he still wants you in his life, with him wanting to have lunch with his mother, but just as a close friend for now. But even then, a friendship with an ex can prove to be emotionally stressful, especially if he were to lead you on. If that's the case, then my advice would be to let him know of it, i.e ask him straight out, "Do you see us becoming more than just friends again?" He would have no choice but to give you an honest answer, and then you can go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
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