single.31 Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Well i get to the fitness club i go to .. sure enough i get in and jump on the cardio equipment .. she is two rows back and i am like .. man i gotta ignore her and as the thoughts of her raged in my head i turned up the music. Drowning out my thoughts so i continue my work out and she goes to the water fountain .. makes her way back ... going out of her way to wave a half hearted hi.. i turn really short and quick and see her and give her a cool headed hi wave .. it was so short i only got to see the colour of her shirt. it felt good that i didnt do anything else .. even though my heart raced .... why would she bother saying hello after she broke it off. When we broke up it was morbidly cold.. Mean, inconsiderate, angry.. I can understand if i cheated on her or beat her or emotionally abused her.. I did the gifts and the pleading it got me no where!!! why why why would she even bother to say hello.. being polite hmm>>? why if she was such a cold hearted .....B! so through mutual friends i hear she is soooo bitter she is burning her bridges with her old friends.. what is her deal i remembered this person to be sweet and caring.. now she is turned into an ugly person .. why do women /ppl turn that way... im hurting but i dont seek to hurt others becuase im hurting.. Im so lost as to what the heck is her deal ... what has caused her to become this person? Link to post Share on other sites
funkify Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 She's burnt pretty bad. Every one deals with it in their own way. Unfortunately she's dealing with it in a bad way...soon enough she will realise that. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 When we broke up it was morbidly cold.. Mean, inconsiderate, angry.. I can understand if i cheated on her or beat her or emotionally abused her.. I did the gifts and the pleading it got me no where!!! My only advice to you is read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by David Glover. It will show you why she treated you that way based on your insecure behavior towards her (gifts, pleading, etc). That doesn't create attraction. It turns it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Share Posted May 10, 2007 Actually cali, i'm reading it as we speak. I am slowly starting to understand why she was so cold. BUT why did she even bother saying hello to me!! even if it was just a wave. Part of Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Share Posted May 10, 2007 Cali actually i am reading the book as we speak.. very very interesting to say the least. Why did she even bother to say hello. after she told me specifically "this is the last time i text you and talk to you " So when i did wave hello didnt even have a chance to look what she looked like it was a split second hello. Any take on this Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 She waved because she didn't want things to be awkward, not because she wants to start with you again. Read the book. Read it 100 times and learn from it. You will soon understand how being insecure and clingy will absolutely KILL attraction. Women love confident, secure, fun and happy guys. Learn to be one and your next relationship will be much, much happier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Share Posted May 11, 2007 well i hear ya.. I ignored her like i was in my own zone. Focusing on my run. Cali what would you have done in my situation. knowing what you know from the book... and running into an ex. would u have approached them would you have ignored them Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 well i hear ya.. I ignored her like i was in my own zone. Focusing on my run. Cali what would you have done in my situation. knowing what you know from the book... and running into an ex. would u have approached them would you have ignored them I'd find another gym if you know she goes there. I wouldn't "avoid" her. If I saw her in public I would just smile and keep walking. Fake it till you make it. Don't let your ex see you miserable. Ever. Keep faking you're happy until you get there. It's hard, but are you in control of your emotions are are they in control of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Share Posted May 11, 2007 so u think my cool headed yeah i see ya but your not in my life approach is bad>>?or hmm insecure. I thought my response was like Yah i notice ya but your a nobody ...The thing is i love this location for the gym... Im gonna go at times I know 100% she wont be there.. Fake it till you make it .. I like that. When i saw her i didnt even show any emotion. I was again tooo focussed on my run and MY LIFE.. thanks though i ll keep on pluggin...Im happy i have this board to help me through this ordeal Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 so u think my cool headed yeah i see ya but your not in my life approach is bad>>?or hmm insecure. I thought my response was like Yah i notice ya but your a nobody ...The thing is i love this location for the gym... Im gonna go at times I know 100% she wont be there.. Fake it till you make it .. I like that. When i saw her i didnt even show any emotion. I was again tooo focussed on my run and MY LIFE.. thanks though i ll keep on pluggin...Im happy i have this board to help me through this ordeal If you go while she is there she will naturally assume you are doing it just to see her. A few weeks ago I had to move a friend from SOCAL to NM. My ex was supposed to be there to help us load the van. We finished before she got there. My friend wanted me to stay until my ex got there. I told her "Sorry, I have to get up early to get this van to NM." so I bailed before my ex showed up. The ex asked where I was. My friend told my ex when she got there that I had to go but that she asked me to stay. The point of this short story is your own needs should be greater than those who have rejected you. I need to leave to get some sleep. I didn't need to stay around to see my ex. Had I done that the damage to my own self-esteem would have been compounded by my ex thinking I was hanging around to see her. See the quote on my signature file? Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option. That means you really need to put the focus on making yourself happy. After all, how can you possibly love someone or make them happy if you don't even know how to make yourself happy or feel loved? Gotta be able to do it alone before you can do it for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
krzr Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 so true...when she rejected you she was only thinking about herself and her own happiness not yours so why try and make her happy now? Link to post Share on other sites
NorCalDave Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Man, this all sounds wayy too familiar. I actually had the same thing happen to me yesterday. I'm at the gym, doing my thing, and I notice my ex walk in with her 11 year old nephew, whom I treated like a little brother when we were together. Anyways, I could see that he saw me, but I ignored them for my own sanity. Later, when I went to get a drink of water, they were working out right near the water fountain. I kind of froze when I saw them, then proceeded, and I gave him a high five and felt his muscles and complimented him, then she starts to walk up to us with a huge smile on her face...at that point it seemed an interaction was imminent so I told him I had to run and I walked away, saying bye to both. I felt weird afterwards, like I had just dodged a bullet. For the past 2 1/2 weeks, we have been on NC and ignoring each other's presence at the gym. When she sees me, she goes the other way, and the same with me. One of us should change gyms, because it still sucks to have to see someone who ripped your heart out and spit on it. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 One of us should change gyms, because it still sucks to have to see someone who ripped your heart out and spit on it. I seem to remember suggesting that to you some time ago Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 12, 2007 Author Share Posted May 12, 2007 lol...Funny cuz i intially was going to this location and she was going to another one in the same city... I convinced her that this location was better becuase it had a better hmmm gym atmosphere...She started coming to this location and started liking it .. which begs the question .. why would she go to that location... I live in a different city than that location however that is my fav location. She has one closer to her as well.. Hopefully some1 can shed some light... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 lol...Funny cuz i intially was going to this location and she was going to another one in the same city... I convinced her that this location was better becuase it had a better hmmm gym atmosphere...She started coming to this location and started liking it .. which begs the question .. why would she go to that location... I live in a different city than that location however that is my fav location. She has one closer to her as well.. Hopefully some1 can shed some light... It doesn't matter. Start going to the gym closer to your location and end the issue. If you don't want her to think that you're pecking around for crumbs of her attention, prove it by going to another gym. Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Share Posted May 13, 2007 ya sux cuz i love that location. However i am now a firm believer in applying the "no more mr nice guy" to my life... thanks cali....I dont want scraps!!! PERIOD in any part of my life... I have a hard time with bounderies getting broken ....when i was with her.. i would set them and she would trounce all over them.. I would bend under her guilt trips.. I LOST MY CAJOULES.. Its funny in life i used to think treating a woman softly tenderly would create a more loving partner.. In escence it made me look WEAK!! ...I am slowly learning and reading a lot...!!!! learning the ways of breaking free from the ways of a nice guy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted May 13, 2007 Share Posted May 13, 2007 I'm curious....do you guys think that book can be applied to women as well? I actually have it, but haven't read it yet. My ex was reading it, and I was going to read it, hence why I have it, but then when we split, I decided not to read it just yet. Well, I've read a few fiction books since then and now I might be read to delve into something self help again. So, do you think it's good for a woman to read, or is it really based around a man and his feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author single.31 Posted May 14, 2007 Author Share Posted May 14, 2007 Umm dunno how effective it will be. I do know that why not read it and take what you can from it.. Another perspective some more knowledge. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2007 Share Posted May 14, 2007 I'm curious....do you guys think that book can be applied to women as well? Yes and no. The chapters dealing with being a door mat, self confidence and boundaries I believe will help a lot. The chapters that deal with being a man not so much I actually have it, but haven't read it yet. My ex was reading it, and I was going to read it, hence why I have it, but then when we split, I decided not to read it just yet. Well, I've read a few fiction books since then and now I might be read to delve into something self help again. So, do you think it's good for a woman to read, or is it really based around a man and his feelings? It's definitely man-centered but it may not hurt to read it. Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted May 16, 2007 Share Posted May 16, 2007 Hmmm, maybe I'll give it a shot. Hopefully more people will chime in. Thanks CaliGuy :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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