Ormolu611 Posted April 30, 2007 Share Posted April 30, 2007 I had a dream this morning in which a cousin (random I know) whom I have not seen for a very long time came into my bedroom while I slept and knelt down beside the bed. She whispered to me with a lot of empathy, "I know that you are having a difficult time with this." referring to my breakup. It was almost as if she was saying, I see through your facade and know the truth of the extent of the difficulty that you are facing. I immediately started to cry in my dream. I actually at that point woke up, still crying. I cried uncontrollably, I mean, it just started gushing! It has been two months since my gf left me and I have not cried at all since. I feel like I have not been able to for some reason. Strangely, a very good friend called me at that moment, 8:00 this morning, and she ended up consoling me. Ahhh it helps to have friends like that! I get so tired of all of this emotion, it is exhausting. It is like a treadmill that you can't get off of. After two months of the silence of very limited contact (practically none), I cannot stop thinking about her and wondering what she is thinking or experiencing. It still all seems so surreal and unbelievable . . . we were with each other for soooo long, almost a third of each other's lives. We experienced so much together. I am sick of desparately combing these foums for stories of dumpers coming back as some glimmer of hope. My never ending questions: How could she possibly do this? Does she miss me at all? Is she having a difficult time doing this? How can she be so convinced that happiness = my absence? Could I possibly be that bad for her? How can our relationship be seen as disposable? I for one, do not see relationships that way unless there is some form of abuse. Will she ever regret this choice? I often wonder what it is specifically that I want . . . why do I miss her so much? The answer I think is that I had a home in her. With her, I felt safe and comfortable being completely me. I could talk to her about anything. I loved when she would come to me with a personal issue, and I would help her with it. It gave me great satisfaction and made me feel closer to her. I miss her touch, her scent, her sad eyes . . . sometimes I want so badly to pick up that phone and call, or drive by and knock on her door (she lives just thee miles away), but I know that I should not do this! This is all so absurd . . . Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2007 Share Posted May 1, 2007 I know it hurts, but once you try to stop thinking about her, reminiscing about your past with her, the sooner you can heal and let go. What good does remembering all this stuff do? All it does is cause you pain and heartache. Try to push those thoughts OUT of your head, distract yourself. Keep busy and hang with your buddies. Do projects around the house, join a gym, do some fun hobbies - ANYTHING to keep your mind busy. In time, once you get out of the habit of thinking about her, you'll see how good you'll feel! She isn't a part of your life anymore, and as painful as it is to hear, she isn't coming back... Don't blame yourself, you have no control over someone else's feelings, or thoughts. Something changed in the relationship and it ended. Another thing is, the no contact means, not only NC as in seeing/talking/emailing her but it also means trying your best not to THINK about her, fantasize about her...Kind of defeats the purpose of NC in a way. Hope you feel better and definately DO NOT CALL her. If she wanted to talk to you, she would have already. Actions speak louder than words... Link to post Share on other sites
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