Maybe a little different...

[LunarCryxxx]

Hi, I have read threads on this forum before but it was too late before I found it.

Keeping a long story short me and my ex were together for almost 4 yrs, we broke up before after the first 5 months for 2, during the 2nd month i went out with a guy which I believe was a rebound. After that I found out I was still not over my ex so I asked if he still liked me and he did miss me and still liked me after he broke up with me (he was very horrible to me for the 5 months but I was too in love with him so I basically let him tread on me) So suprise suprise I came crawling back to him after he told me, and we had the greatest 3 and a half yrs, he was caring considerate loving, because he regretted how he treated me in those 5 months (note he was a pessimist so did not initiate reconcilliation, he always used to think hes not worthy, I got him out of depression after his 1st ever gf of 2 weeks dumped him - he was morbid anyway before that) anyway I broke up with him after 3 1/2 wonderful years, a holiday to 2 places last august due to stress (mum n bro moved back to HK, im on my own here, he lived with me for about a month after they left, but i felt guilty he had to pay for everything and i left him alone for long at home due to work - for money) so i wrote him a letter (i know harsh >_< but i dunno if i couldve done it otherwise) basically said i needed space, dont feel the same anymore. He kept contacting me about gigs we had the tickets for in august and oct, i didnt go. He asked to meet up in oct sometime and it was great, we got along great, went to cinema and had dinner etc. Then we met up again in mid-end jan (i initiated) and i felt he was different, but nonetheless we still were like how we used to be minus kissing etc. Then when i went on facebook and saw a picture of him and a girl i went berserk (i know i shouldnt have) but i just asked "Do u like her?" but i guess it made him angry and went along the lines of cant friends take photos too? Anyway that started my texting and calling..(too bad i never found this site before) and it pushed him away from answering every txt i sent immediately to late then sometimes no reply. on my birthday early feb, i txt him and asked if i could meet him for my 21st present, we went dinner, and basically i wrote him a msg on facebook b4 hand saying i still misses n loves him. But he replied at the dinner, I need some time, didnt wannt jump back and regret (i thought, why would you regret? i guess he was really hurt) anyway fast forward to end feb (continue texts and email and IM) hes backed off so much but never really gave me an answer, I was impatient. (too bad again i never found this site till now) I asked for one last date, like making it a proper date and hold hands..he didnt reply on msn but he did on the date (hold my hand - i said i thought u didnt want to, he said i never said that) fast forward- i said i would chat 2 him on that date but only after we had a good time, so when we did in the car all i said was I really missed him and love him, gave him a hug and he hugged me back tight and squeezed both my hands and croaked "yeh.." that was all he managed, i could see he had teary eyes but i didnt wanna say anything then more texting and stuff, eventually no reply.. and finally about half a week ago he said in the heat of argument "Im suprised you're still clinging, i thought it was obvious"

But i still love him *note hes one of those guys who'd do nothing even if he wanted to - i had to make all 1st moves and 2 get back with him before we spoke on msn, and i knew he still liked me but he never did anything until i kissed him at a bus stop after a night out with friends-

I really really regret what i did to the point on suicide at one point out of mainly thinking what have i done to a lovely guy (he was lovely to me last 2 yrs cause he was really really happy, no more signs of depression, was confident etc)

 

Sorry for the long post, any thoughts..? I know hes the one, we shared everything, we only opened up to each other and now we both lost a best friend and a lover. hes withdrawn but going out alot (tried to make me jealous on facebook by deliberately posting xxx to girls, even his mates thought it wasnt like him) happy when im not , not happy when i seem happy.

 

itss a way too long a story.. ask any questions >_<

 

Thank you..