SilentDreamer Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 My girlfriend dumped me after about 2.5 years... Never really got a good reason why... That was over a month ago. I've been taking the advice of others, and doing no contact... I've done it successfully for 27 days... I know it's over. I know I need to move on. But the question still remains... When your girlfriend dumps you, do they ever come back? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 usually they don't SD Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 they don't. You shouldn't even worry about if they will or not, trust me that if you have broken up its better off to kno its over and move on, with timeyou will se things clearly. Whether you need alot of improvement or she simply didn't appreciate you and you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Welcome to LS, SilentD, Sorry you are going thru heartbreak, but happy for you that you've found Lshack, there's lots of great support for you here. I came here a few months ago because of a break up and I am so grateful I found it. I can tell you that for me, when I've broken up with a bf I have never looked back. Maybe because when I've ended it my mind was made up for a while before I actually did it, so I was ready to move on. Sounds like you are doing the the right thing with the NC, but in my own experience (including recently, even now) it's pretty hard during NC not to hope that the gf/bf will have some epiphany and realize that they've made a huge mistake... even tho NC is really about healing ourselves. So just focus on the healing yourself part, entertain the "coming back" fantasy as a passing phase (it's human nature) but not really a possibility, and look forward. And rest assured that the pain will all be worth it in the end because you'll be stronger and wiser, and attract the right woman into you life when the time is ripe. In the meantime, LS is a great place to post and hang out, you've got lots of company and can post at your lowest moments and get support so you don't have to feel alone because we've all been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Yernasia Quorelios Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Advise from a Dumper Female Dumpers Return Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 No, never. And if they do, you don't want it. There was a reason she broke up in the first place, and this has probably not changed. You could woe to change, of course, but if your relationships is based on you changing your ways according to her wishes, she'll get fed up with you very, very fast. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Some will try to come back when they realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side, or that they have finally sown up their wild-oats and decided it was time to mature. Howver by then it's usually too late since you will have found a woman that has already gotten through this. Trust me, every guy has gone through this. This isn't something that just happened to you only. Personally if I was single again I wouldn't date a woman younger than her late 20s, and who has a good job, has lived by herself and has had at least one long-term relationship. Otherwise you are asking for trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Yernasia Quorelios Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Personally if I was single again I wouldn't date a woman younger than her late 20s, and who has a good job, has lived by herself and has had at least one long-term relationship. Otherwise you are asking for trouble.Amen to that Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 I sure hope not. The ex left about 13 years ago. Turns out she already had a boyfriend. I don't want her back. I've since remarried and am finally happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 i was in a relationship with a girl for close to 6 years but i left the state to finish school thinking once i got settled in she would follow and we would live together but instead she got a apartment and we did the long distance thing for a while one day she called said we needed a break she already had a new guy i can understand all that i left her in reality but it hurt for a long few years i moved back home even to be around family and friends just to cope with it then about 6 months after having moved home she drives up one day and tells me to get in the car i say whats up her first words were "take me back" i was like **** no and got out the car. i had gotten strong enuff to not want her anymore and it was difficult but it was the right decision now that i look back on it. she probably just had a fight or something with her new guy or realized **** wtf am i doing im screwing up. so ya they do come back but will u want them after you have dealt with the pain and suffering they put u thru because it is the most hurtfull thing to go thru in life i think. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 No, never. And if they do, you don't want it. There was a reason she broke up in the first place, and this has probably not changed. You could woe to change, of course, but if your relationships is based on you changing your ways according to her wishes, she'll get fed up with you very, very fast. yes ERIK....or the other reason she may come back is if the guy she dumped you for has dumped her. In which case you woouldn't want her back anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny B Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Without getting lambasted for this (b/c I've already gotten my fair share in my threads) ... What about the situation when you've dumped her, only to realize you've made a terrible mistake due to immaturity and confusion. When you realize the mistake, they have then found someone else and no longer want you. Is it wrong to accept them or want to try again if you find them in your life at some point in the future? j Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Is it wrong to accept them or want to try again if you find them in your life at some point in the future? the dumper can try to get the dumpee back if things have changed. there are no guarantees. the dumpee should never try to get the dumper back. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 Is it wrong to accept them or want to try again if you find them in your life at some point in the future? It depends. I guess if you can figure out why it didn't work but have changed since then I guess it can happen. But then maybe not. I think it'd be better to go forward than to go backward. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 yes ERIK....or the other reason she may come back is if the guy she dumped you for has dumped her. In which case you woouldn't want her back anyways. Or because you get a new GF and she becomes jealous. Still no go. Hopeless case. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 If the breakup was due to core value differences, then no, she will likely not come back and if she does, it's not a good idea because most people can't change their underlying composition. If it was for a stupid reason, she may do it again due to immaturity, so even if she does don't take her back. You can do better for yourself. If it was a misunderstanding and the two of you hash it out, then yes, by all means, do what you want to do, which is most likely taking her back. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 if it makes you feel any better.... my last 3 gf's came back. Usually 3-4 months is the magic number. That's a couple weeks of begging/pleading... then 2-3 months of NC. Then they call... *Ring Ring* "Can we talk?" NO! Of course, I'm a little different. I can't break up with someone... don't have the heart. So I make sure I do all things a guy ISN'T suppose to do. Flowers weekly.... cuddling... surprises.... cards... a million "I love you's" ... Poetry.... All the stuff a guy can do to push a girl away. This way, I get out... smelling like roses. Always beg and plead for added effect.... this insures the swelling of her head... knowing she hurt you. PS. It took years, but I realized I'm a sure fire magnet for nutcases and rebounds. Unfortunately, it usually takes 6 months + for their true colors to show. All of the above = truth. Any symptoms of "Wuss" will end any relationship for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 girls love that stuff man your just not finding the right one flowers, presents, massages, back scratching, cuddling and hand holding what girl dosnt love that stuff? if they break up with u for those reasons then there not worth it to begin with. you still gotta be a man but doing affectionate things to show your woman that u care is not wrong but sometimes they might be young or think the grass is greener over there and he will still be here anyways and they go and maybe there right maybe they do find people that are more compatible for them then maybe they made a mistake who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 flowers, presents, massages, back scratching, cuddling and hand holding what girl dosnt love that stuff? what girl doesn't love it? A~ the girl that's getting it. the girl that DOES love it... is the girl without a boyfriend. OR a girl with a best friend that's getting it from HER boyfriend. All that shmoopy stuff is nothing but a setup for disappointment. The only time it's worse is when you add those items because you're trying to get someone back.... basically the nail in the coffin. Some of my best/healthy relationships, were the relationships without all that.... the ones where I kept feelings/emotions to myself. Now I think it's ruined me. hehehe Link to post Share on other sites
Erik Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 girls love that stuff man your just not finding the right one flowers, presents, massages, back scratching, cuddling and hand holding what girl dosnt love that stuff? Girls may love it, but it will all gain you nothing in the end; on the contrary. Excessive spoiling spoils your relationship. These things must be earned or she will not respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 These things must be earned or she will not respect you. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 if it makes you feel any better.... my last 3 gf's came back. Usually 3-4 months is the magic number. That's a couple weeks of begging/pleading... then 2-3 months of NC. Then they call... *Ring Ring* "Can we talk?" NO! Of course, I'm a little different. I can't break up with someone... don't have the heart. So I make sure I do all things a guy ISN'T suppose to do. Flowers weekly.... cuddling... surprises.... cards... a million "I love you's" ... Poetry.... All the stuff a guy can do to push a girl away. This way, I get out... smelling like roses. Always beg and plead for added effect.... this insures the swelling of her head... knowing she hurt you. PS. It took years, but I realized I'm a sure fire magnet for nutcases and rebounds. Unfortunately, it usually takes 6 months + for their true colors to show. All of the above = truth. Any symptoms of "Wuss" will end any relationship for sure. I need to ask since you have been down this road. If the communication is there and you are both trying to reconcile is there a time when you start showing affections with tokens such as the ones you speak of. I to this point have stopped myself from doing any of those things. I fact tonight i almost had dinner sent to her work as she was woking late. Now remember i do not want to push her away. Belive me i have had a couple in the past that if i knew that this was what would work to push them away i would have done every one of them. In this case i just want to do something nice. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted March 23, 2007 Share Posted March 23, 2007 If the communication is there and you are both trying to reconcile is there a time when you start showing affections with tokens such as the ones you speak of. In IMO... in every relationship there is a time and place for such actions. The first 3-6 months of a relationship... no. When trying to get her/him to forgive you... no. When trying to win her/him over... no. When that inner voice inside says... "There's something wrong with us"... no. When your SO is putting off a vibe that she/he Has you wrapped.. Big NO! You see the trick is... a lot of these actions tend to make a person become boring... predictable. Wuss actions. First instincts tell a person to do such actions because they're thinkin' with their heart. That kind of thinkin' tends to get a person in trouble... timing is critical... as these actions can have a reverse effect and push or pressure someone away from you. Push = they're not ready or it's TOO much for them to handle. Pressure = when they're confused.. and you make em' feel like you can't live without them... and you NEED them to be happy. No girl or guy wants that pressure. It's ok to want someone.... it's never ok to need somebody. It displays insecurity. People always say that Nice Guys Finish Last and jerks get the girls. That's totally not true. Cause there is a fine line between Nice Guy and insecure wuss. The so-called jerks live their own life, they're independent, the can live with OR without the one they want... they're confident. But the wuss seems to live their life FOR someone, and display characteristics that they won't be happy unless they are with a certain someone. Causing them to do the cards, poetry, gifts, paying bills... overall kissin' @ss. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Hey 2nd, Thanks for helping me with that. We are still tetering and i do not want us to fall off on the wrong side by doing something stupid however tempting it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Ireallyhatecheating Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 My girlfriend dumped me after about 2.5 years... Never really got a good reason why... That was over a month ago. I've been taking the advice of others, and doing no contact... I've done it successfully for 27 days... I know it's over. I know I need to move on. But the question still remains... When your girlfriend dumps you, do they ever come back? Yes, they do if you really knew how to Lay The Wood like a man. It's best to ALWAYS let the girl break up with you when things are going in that direction and take it well. You wind up getting phone calls or email from them to just say "Hi" "Hi" means, I'm not seeing anyone special right now and I would like you to plow me like there's no tomorrow. If you cry or take an end of a relationship bad you are regarded as worthless and weak and you will forfeit your right for occasional sex when she gets horny. I'm giving you pearls here. Link to post Share on other sites
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