martin_hossein Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Hey to everybody. I am new here and I am here with a problem with my girl friend Susana. I have a feeling that you people read this kind of thing all the time in this forum...but I really would appreciate it if you take the time to read and understand and my problem and possibly do a good thing and give me some advice. Susana and I met through the Internet almost 2 years ago. She is 18 and I am now 19. She lives in Spain and I used to live in England. I used to go over to see her like every other month and we were having a great time together. I had some problems with my family and I went to Susana about these problems. I decided to move over there and spend some time with Susana until I got my life together. I ended up living there until the present day. I thought things were going OK but I was a fool to think so. She had met another guy on the Internet, an American. Susana and him developed a good friendship which later turned out to be an affair. Only in the last week has this been the case. This guy delcared his love for Susana a few days ago and Susana delcared hers aswell. She had been staying up all night and all morning chatting in MSN to this guy and I was suspectful. I suspected something was wrong...so I did a really bad thing...and I placed a keylogger on her computer to see what was happening. The results were probably the most heartbreaking thing that a partner could ever feel. I would really like to share the log with you...so you would begin to imagine how bad it was. Basically, they declared their love and not only that. She made a mockery of everything that I thought our relationship was about. She said things like "Whenever I kiss him I don't see his face I see yours" to quote only one of the sadest things. She was planning to runaway to America, to live with him. I intercepted emails and chat logs and I eventually confessed to keylogging her. She wasn't going to let this out until summer of this year. She was planning to leave me in summer only if she didnt find a good reason before hand. When she was there she would have had the perfect oppurtunity. She wasn't going to tell her parents, it was going to be a secret. She wanted to keep this secret and keep it going.I couldn't control what happened. I believe I didn't do my best a as lover and that why I think she went and found this love in this american. I would do anything to turn back time and be a good boy friend to her but after all this...there seems no way back. She confessed to the whole thing after I confessed about keylogging. We both knew that I wasn't in the wrong all the times we fought about privacy but she made out I was. She says she is too young for a commitment but she was willing to give it all to this american. After alot of crying, we came to a decision. Initially, I wanted to pick up and leave and also self harm. I decided not to because it would have been stupid. She didn't want me to go she had been with me for 2 years and she didn't want me to leave. We decided that we are going to try and make our relationship work because the main reason that this has happened is because we let it and especially me, I don't learn very fast and also I just am not that romantic. She wanted a gentleman, somebody who would be nice to her and give her time and affection....I didn't because I was usually doing something in the PC because I am addicted to it. Now we decided to try and work things out, she told this american that I found out and that she couldn't do this to me because she didn't want to hurt me. She wanted this more (don't know the reason). The thing is that she was not willing to choose between the 2. She "chose" me but she is still in contact every night with this american. She said they are just being "friends". I spoke with a really good mate and he told me that I need to show her more affection, give her some more time, touch on the little things and be more sexual. I thought his advice was good because I have not given those things for a good number of months because I have been concentrating on other things. I really should have give her the time and love she needed. Now, I got one more chance I feel to make things right with her and try and ignite the flame again that we had in the beginning. My friends say I should bail...because she can only lie more. I don't know what I can do and how to be a better boyfriend. I never did enough work to do it and now I seem like a complete virgin. I just need somebodies help. I hope I have come to the right place. Thanks to you all in advance. Martin Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Now, I got one more chance I feel to make things right with her and try and ignite the flame again that we had in the beginning. I know it sounds simple, but if you really want it, then take it. With both hands. I think you should seriously think about the nature of her "online" relationship with Mr America, though. If she's serious about working things out with you, then she should let this one go. No excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author martin_hossein Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 I know it sounds simple, but if you really want it, then take it. With both hands. I think you should seriously think about the nature of her "online" relationship with Mr America, though. If she's serious about working things out with you, then she should let this one go. No excuses. Thank you for your response magichands. I really want to grab it with both hands! But, he is still lingering around and when they talk on MSN still...she says they are just talking as friends and I can't know if they are just lying to me and plotting things. I initially asked her to choose me or him...she could't decide because she said she had love for both. I don't know if I can just try with her with him in the picture. Are you suggesting I should force the choice or something? Thanks for your input. I really appreicated it! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Are you suggesting I should force the choice or something? Pretty much. "I want to give you all of me, but only if you want to give me all of you. And we both know that Mr America is not just a friend. Do you want to try, together?" Or some sh*t like that. Obviously that was a wild example, and you need to use your own intuition. Link to post Share on other sites
Author martin_hossein Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Pretty much. "I want to give you all of me, but only if you want to give me all of you. And we both know that Mr America is not just a friend. Do you want to try, together?" Or some sh*t like that. Obviously that was a wild example, and you need to use your own intuition. If I do that...Am I forcing her to make a decision? Maybe if I force her then I might not get a true answer right? Thanks for your help so far... Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Maybe if I force her then I might not get a true answer right? Give her time to decide, if you think she needs it. But she does need to decide where her loyalties lie. You have decided, right? Now it's her turn. Link to post Share on other sites
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