What are the chances?

[Kira]

Hi guys. I'm new here and been reading this board for quite a bit. I thought it was about time I took the courage to share how I feel at the moment with you guys.

 

My gf broke up with me around a week ago and her main reasons are different personalities, communication problems and I can't seem to understand her or what she says. She says that its probably better to be friends and that she doesn't like me enough to be going out with me.

 

Although we have been going out for 9 months, I'm deeply in love with her and I miss her a lot. Its not the first time we've broken up but we've always hung in there together.

 

I thought this time the main reason we broke up is because for the last 3 months, we've only been seeing each other and no one else and thats because all our friends left back to their home country once they graduated from university. She says its not a valid reason because if two people really love each other then they would not mind if there was anyone else. Is it true? Cause I personally think that no matter how much in love a couple may be, you can't see them 24/7 without seeing other people.

 

I've tried forgetting about her by doing other activities and hanging out with other people but I just can't seem to get over her. The special feeling towards her is still very strong. The other night I asked her if she still likes me and she said a little.

 

I really want to be with her again. But this time I want to think things thoroughly and know what went wrong so it won't happen the next time we come back together. I know I have my own problems so I want to improve myself for my own benefit and hoping it would do good for me and her.

 

From all this, I really want to know what are the chances of being back together and what I can do to understand her more and improve my communication. I know personality can't be changed in one day and it wouldn't be me if I just changed for her. I would change my personality for me to be a better person. Please help. Thanks guys in advance!

[laRubiaBonita]

My gf broke up with me around a week ago and her main reasons are different personalities, communication problems and I can't seem to understand her or what she says. She says that its probably better to be friends and that she doesn't like me enough to be going out with me.

 

i think this paragraph is your answer, the last sentence. and even if you try and change yourself, which i do not think is healthy, it does not mean deeper feeling will develop on her part. in fact she may just end up resenting you for "smoothering her" with your idealism.

 

i just do not see her being anything other than a f_ck buddy...... until she finds someone else that is.

 

ps~ this is like my previous ex.... i thought i felt what he felt, but i did not, and i felt guilty for leading him on. i broke it off with him, as i was starting to resent us hanging out.

[Kira]

i think this paragraph is your answer, the last sentence. and even if you try and change yourself, which i do not think is healthy, it does not mean deeper feeling will develop on her part. in fact she may just end up resenting you for "smoothering her" with your idealism.QUOTE]

 

I understand what you are saying here. I'm not changing myself to suite her, i'm just changing my bad stuff for myself like arrogancy. If I just change for her then I think i'll lose myself which is something I don't want.

 

I hope I won't be smoothering her because I want her to like me what I have on the inside and not based on what I do. I want her to see me differently.

 

Sadly to say, I'm still kind of lost on what to do.

[Guest]

my turn, my name is gord

 

i am cocaine addict i've had a rough year

for the first time in my life i jumped into a relationship with a woman that lives close by and i met on plenty of fish

i did because i thought i was over the ex which was a lie i tricked myself with

but i found out very fast i was not over my ex because almost everything we did was a copy of what the x did with me so we had no attachment

we fooled around but because wasn't into her

the equipment faltered coming out the gate ['and others no other wise - lol]

so she dumped me - she was a player

took 5 minutes to get over her

then my love came back

and i told her all abiout all the communication internal work and i got excited to see her started sending a zillion emails , realized STOP