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GiveAndTake

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GiveAndTake

Did you ever know someone that is so stubborn, they will never ever say what you need them to say?

They will never apologize. And, the worse the offense, the less likely to hear an apology.

 

The day we broke up, he was really really pissed at me and went to see his ex girlfriend and have her call me from his cell phone. He didn't cheat but nevertheless, big mistake. I broke it off with him right then and there.

 

By his actions, I know he regrets that, I know he wants to get back together but he is so stubborn that he will never admit it or even admit that he was wrong.

 

After the breakup, I knew it was just going to get me angrier when I did answer his calls, so I didn't. From a post I did last week (if any of you saw it), when I finally did answer his call, it was just as I knew it would be, him taking no responsibility for anything.

 

It's like he cannot bare the thought of passing the power. Maybe things hurt him more than others so his retaliation is justified in his mind? I don't know.

While we were together, he wouldn't even tell me he loved me unless he was drunk. Then he was the mushiest most lovable guy you ever met.

 

I miss him (I hate that) and keep arguing with myself that breaking it off and keeping it off is the right thing to do. But then I argue the point of all the times he tried to call since the breakup and I didn't answer.

Should I have taken the many many phone calls after the breakup as some sort of an apology? Is him calling me the same as him accepting blame?

Is it necessary to hear the things I know he feels?

Are these people able to be reformed or are they lost causes?

 

Anyone have any insight on these types of people? I'm just trying to cope here.

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jhurtinct

I just got out of a relationship with someone after 7 yrs of a simuliar situation and take it from me stay apart don't waste any more time they/he will not change and if he does it would be temperary and then they come back in full force. You have been doing good so far keep strong and change the number if you have to so he can't do this to you.

 

I took mine back with promises of the world and everytime he hurt me over and over, I have finally had enough once and for all, but again one child and 7yrs later and 15 breakups behind us I have had it and will never take him back.

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You're definitely better off without him.

 

I recently got out of something like that too. Even when he did very terrible things he would never apologize. The thing is if you go back to him without him apologizing, he then assumes he can do that again and the whole vicious cycle starts up again. How many more times do you want to get hurt before you leave? Also, it pushes your boundaries until you don't know what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

 

When I start missing him I just think of how much his actions hurt, and then I feel way better immediately.

 

It helps to know what a great relationship can be. My friend has a really caring loving supportive relationship. They have their own independent healthy lives, but they support and care for each other and he makes her feel cherished and loved. Having them as an example constantly reminds me such a relationship is possible and not to settle for less.

 

You definitely deserve better, and even more important, peace of mind without an upheaval of emotions

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Give,

 

I remember you. I also dated a guy like your ex and honestly, you'll be happier without this kind of guy in your life. I thought I couldn't live without him. He was someone who could never admit culpability because he thought it was a weakness. He was an ass and after a year of grieving, I got over him and dated a few other people that showed me anything was better than being with someone that stupid. Even my most recent ex admits he's wrong, promptly and often. Guys make lots of mistakes. The smart ones know to just roll with it and admit it and it completely diffuses the situation. "oops, my bad I'm an idiot" is extremely disarming. Makes a girl feel like she's overreacting and she'll forgive him immediately.

 

My point is, what he did to you was pretty low rent stuff. I know it's tough, but you have to know in your heart that you can't go back to someone who is going to make you miserable. A guy who has no self awareness like that, can't admit they're wrong and will wnat you to do all of the bending is going to make you miserable. I promise you. They lie to cover up the obvious. You will constantly be pointing out the truth while they sit back and laugh that you're working so hard.

 

I hope you feel better.

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KittenMoon

For some people, they simply cannot grasp there is a problem or they have made a mistake. My ex just did not get it sometimes, no matter how simply I laid it out. It would be like:

 

Me: Problem + clear explanation to ex of problem = show of effort to change or resolve the problem, or an explanation as to why things would not change or be resolved, or some sort of compromise

 

Him: Explanation of problem + no understanding of problem + no understanding why she feels like this about it = no problem therefore no reason to change anything

 

Arg.... so frustrating...

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