LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Coping

she slept with him


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 30th April 2006, 4:58 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3
she slept with him

So my ex-girlfriend of one week decided to make out with a friend at a party a few weeks ago. I forgave her for that. But this friday a friend had told me that she was drunk one night and so was the friend that she stays with(the same guy she made out with). And of course she slept with him. She says it was a mistake and that she hasnt since but of course she decided to lie to me and hide it from me. She says she didnt tell me because she didnt want me to hurt myself or try to commit suicide because ive done it before.

She said before that she cares about me, that she wouldnt never try to hurt me, that she loves me and that she would never lie to me. All of that seems like BS right now. Yes she is my ex-girlfriend and she slept with him after we broke up, but it was a week after we did! What the hell, what am i supposed to think? We have many mutual friends, and right now i wish i had never meet her. So because of that im not hanging around with my other friends at all. I go to work and come home and go to sleep. Do it all over again the next day. She wants me to get out and have a life but then its just going to be like, "well i can take it, no big deal, i can brush everything off my shoulders. Any friend of mine can **** all over me and thats fine with me". She says we can go out and she wont be around me but that isnt going to help. Plus when i found out i probably hurt (not physically) some of our mutual friends anyways. So i dont want to be around them as they probably dont want to be around me. Yea they can forgive me but who cares. All this still happened and i dont want to deal with it. I dont want to feel like this.

All i see in my head now is them having sex. That is all i can think about. No i dont need to go to therapy or councelling. But i cant go on living like this. How am I supposed to cope?
tgm410 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 5:05 PM   #2
Established Member
 
TeaCooler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: I eat poo
Posts: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgm410
Yes she is my ex-girlfriend and she slept with him after we broke up, but it was a week after we did! What the hell, what am i supposed to think?
well, it doesn't really matter if it was a week or a year, your relationship had ended, and it was her right to do whatever she wanted at the time.

it wasn't nice of her to lie to you, but she really didn't owe you any explanation. it may have been better had she NOT told you, because you don't need to know.

it doesn't seem like you're getting back together. i think you should move on. sorry you're hurting. but i've done the whole stringing-along-an-ex thing, and it's not fair to the guys i've done it to. you shouldn't let her do it to you.
__________________
i am a big fat std-ridden loser and everyone hates me. i even have cheese in my fat rools.
TeaCooler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 5:06 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 17,330
You were broken up... she can do as she pleases and owes you NO explanation.

In fact, I'm not sure why she would choose to discuss it with you at all? Just to hurt you more?

I hate it when people put information out there that will only be hurtful. Some things are better left to privacy sakes.
2sunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 5:10 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Vega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 118
you are dealing wiith it. you are dealing by hiding and thats ok too. go out when you are ready to go out. there is no magic solution to make you feel better - that is up to you.
Vega is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 5:25 PM   #5
Established Member
 
KittenMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: State of Recovery
Posts: 3,297
Well, of course there's the usual "the relationship was over so they could do whatever they want" posts. Unfortunately, that's true. She had a right to do anything she wanted AFTER you broke up.

However, that doesn't mean you have no right to be angry, upset, sickened, and feel betrayed. You have every right to feel every emotion you feel about the situation. The unfortunate thing is you can't hold her accountable in any way.

Get angry, get pissed, get sick, but stay away from her, she can only hurt you now. The past can't be changed now, but you can try to come to terms with it.
__________________
Nobody wants to be monogamous- but they want their partners to be.

"He said he LIKED me, but he wasn't IN LIKE with me!" -King of the Hill
KittenMoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 5:49 PM   #6
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3
Ok, no, tea and sunny are right. Shes my ex. If the second after we break up, she goes and screws someone else. Its fine, i should have no emotional attatchment to her whatsoever. Hell i can go screw her best friend right now. She shouldnt get mad then right?

The fact is, is that i would never dream of doing something like that to her. So shame on me believe she wouldnt do it to me.

Ill act happy and like nothing happened. Only way to get through this i guess. Since we werent together, i shouldnt be feeling this anyways.
tgm410 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 6:03 PM   #7
Established Member
 
KittenMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: State of Recovery
Posts: 3,297
Quote:
Originally Posted by tgm410
Since we werent together, i shouldnt be feeling this anyways.
Any sarcasm aside, YOU can feel anyways YOU want. If you read any post on this site, you can see that attachment doesn't end just because the words "we're broken up" are spoken. It's not a magic spell, or an on/off switch. If it were, life would be grand, click your heels together three times, say "we're broken up" and voila, things are ok.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tgm410

The fact is, is that i would never dream of doing something like that to her. So shame on me believe she wouldnt do it to me.
You are a good person to consider the feelings of someone else in this manner, even an ex. IMO, it's easy to say that you should be angry because you two were broken up- that kind of thinking allows people to not hold themselves to any standard, avoid any guilt, and to engage in any activity without considering the effect on others.

Can we always avoid hurting others with our actions? NO! of course not. Our lives are our own. But if I were going to romp around a week after breaking up with my ex, I'd certainly make sure he'd never find out.
KittenMoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 6:09 PM   #8
Established Member
 
TeaCooler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: I eat poo
Posts: 418
no one said you don't have a right to your feelings.

you asked what you can do about it.the answer is, not really much of anything.

sorry you didn't get what you were looking for here.
TeaCooler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 6:19 PM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3
In my last post im not trying to be mean, im sorry if i came out like that. In my origional post my main concern was about how to deal with this so i can go on being how i was before. Cause all i feel like now is that i should just stay home. Things happen when im out trying to have a good time.

Yes we werent together, that is above all most i hear. "You guys werent together, you dont own her, she can do what she wants". I know that! And believe me, i know i dont own her, i never tried to even when we were together. Its just the fact that she did, she would risk our friendship for one night - and lied to me about it. Not even hiding it. I can understand that if i dont ask, she doesnt need to tell. But when i do, dont lie to my face, especially after i specifically told her that if she did lie to me about something like this, a few days before she did, that we wont be friends. It just makes me feel that she cares more about ****ing someone than our friendship.

Am i supposed to just say, "ok you slept with someone. bothers and hurts me but whatever". and go on like nothing happened? Because if i want to act normal again, thats the only thing i believe that needs to happen.
tgm410 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 6:34 PM   #10
Established Member
 
GB111's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 184
Right On, KittenMoon!

I think KittenMoon is dead on with this one. Sure, she can do what she wants; you ARE broken up, but there's such a thing as respect. I'm not sure whether I'd be more angry with her or with him. If he was a friend of mine, I'd second guess my friendship.

Something like this happened to me once where a friends ex-girlfriend offered me oral sex. This was after about 6 months of them being broken up. Needless to say, I respected my friendship with my friend more than the immediate pleasure being offered. I'm thankful that I did to this day.
GB111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 11:42 PM   #11
Established Member
 
TeaCooler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: I eat poo
Posts: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by GB111
I think KittenMoon is dead on with this one. Sure, she can do what she wants; you ARE broken up, but there's such a thing as respect. I'm not sure whether I'd be more angry with her or with him. If he was a friend of mine, I'd second guess my friendship.

Something like this happened to me once where a friends ex-girlfriend offered me oral sex. This was after about 6 months of them being broken up. Needless to say, I respected my friendship with my friend more than the immediate pleasure being offered. I'm thankful that I did to this day.
that's a totally different situation.

in any case, only you can find a way to cope, tgm. that's why no one knows what to say besides "cut her off, get over it, you weren't with her anyway." because that is the truth; no one wants to say "ride the pain out til it's over" but that's really all you can do.

it hurts you that she slept with someone else, of course it does, because you still have feelings for her that she doesn't have for you. and since she doesn't, she's moved on faster. she probably left the relationship with you long before you knew about it, so she feels she doesn't owe you anything anymore...and honestly, she doesn't. it's her business now.

it'll take time, but you'll get past it. you really will.
TeaCooler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th April 2006, 11:56 PM   #12
Established Member
 
riobikini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Overlooking a lake in Tennessee.
Posts: 2,532
TGM410,

Quote:
re: " No i don't need to go to therapy or counseling."

You may be wrong there, Buddy.

If you've had the tendency to commit suicide once before and all you do, now, is think about how miserable your life is without this girl and can't seem to shake the thought of them sleeping together, -and you're seeking methods to cope with all of this- you may just need more help than this board can give you.

You see, we don't have enough info about you to say that you don't need therapy- and you are obviously going through a bit of hell in coping with the loss, or you wouldn't be here posting.

If you choose not to get counseling, at least get a real live, in-person support group together to lean on and help you through this.

If you're on meds, get a check up, and keep taking them exactly as they are prescribed.

LS is a great place to come and learn and lean on a few people who've "been there" but it doesn't replace people immediately accessible to you, -nor can anyone tell whether or not you're truly going to hurt yourself.

Stay in the boards, though, and keep posting.

And try to keep in mind that your self-worth does not depend on the attention of another.

As far as your girl is concerned, in my opinion she's about as desirable as the itch.

Anybody who'd leave a relationship and be found sleeping with someone else within a week's time couldn't be trusted in a kindergarten.

Move up a few grades, -you'll do better next time.

Yours,
-Rio

Last edited by riobikini; 1st May 2006 at 12:00 AM..
riobikini is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Slept with my ex ltomlinson81 Breaks and Breaking Up 7 8th November 2004 3:32 PM
He slept w/someone else!!! bluskye Dating 5 14th October 2004 2:23 PM
Separated 1 yr 3 mo's Wife has slept with 2 people, I have slept with 4 soooconfused Separation and Divorce 4 27th May 2004 5:28 PM
Slept with ex...what to do now!!! AMN819 Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 10 23rd January 2004 11:58 AM
WISH I NEVER SLEPT WIT HIM HoNeYCHicA Archive 4 14th November 2000 12:30 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:14 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.