Just Visiting Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I was cruising through hi5 profiiles and came across my ex's niece's profile. She mentions a pic taken at her uncle's engagement bbq. My heart dropped. Him and I broke up about 7.5 months. About 2 months after the split, he was in a new relationship. Meanwhile I have been hearbroken and trying to heal from the split. If you do a search on my name, you will get the background of what happened. It hurts seeing that he was able to move on and find a new partner. I went through such hell because he deserted me emotionally when I really needed him. Meanwhile, throughout the relationship, I stood by him through the tough times. He has kept me on his MSN list but I deleted him a few months ago. Lately I have been going through the anger stage and thought I was getting better. Talk about a downer. I need some encouragement right now. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I think it should be encouraging to think that if he's marrying someone after less than six months it won't last long. But really this should be a red flag that you're better off w/o him. Stay tough, y'know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just Visiting Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 It has been a tough recovery as I put my heart into that relationship. We lived together, I spent alot of time with his son and parents, I became friends with other family members. We did alot of things together. I thought I found a good partner, despite the obstacles. Then he withdrew more and more and I felt like an unwanted guest in our own home. I had to save myself and left the apartment. Shortly he was checking out other women. I know that overall he is a not good man for me. It hurts having someone like that reject me as I believe I am a good woman. I didn't deserve to be treated like crap. It just hurts seeing him let me go and move on so quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
BBBetsy Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Man, I'm really sorry JV. That SUCKS. I don't even want to KNOW something like that, so I'm not cruising any of his relative's websites, etc. BLAH. Stop doing that!! You'll only torture yourself. He's an idiot who's obviously on the rebound from you :-) That marriage won't work out, they just met and he's already proven himself to be incapable of a truly deeply committed honest complete relationship. So there. You're going to look back one day soon and go THANK GOD I DIDNT END UP WITH HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Just visiting, I can empathize completely. I've been reading online some articles on how to get over a relationship. One thing that I read and wrote down because it's true and gave me a little peace of mind, "I want what I had, because I fear I will never find what I really want". I really fear that I will never find the love that I really NEED, so I'm willing to accept crumbs from my exh. But if you can have faith in yourself that you WILL get what you really want if you just have faith and patience, then it will come to you. I'm trying to believe this, because i think when you have positive thoughts in your head, postive things will happen. I hope this helps just a little Link to post Share on other sites
BBetsy Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 right dgirl, we want what we HAD with the ex when things were so wonderful, before they closed off to us...the crumbs we accepted were because we were fighting to get THAT back. It's not that we want the crummy person back, we want the original great person (that must not even exist, really) back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just Visiting Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 Last night and today, the anger has really hit. I am so tired of getting involved with men who are emotionally immature. When I am with someone, I give it my all and usually end up being dumped. I don't know....I am just so sick of it all. I sat on my bed last night and vented my frustrations out loud to God/Creator. I am tired of being left behind while they quickly move on and find new partners. I don't deserve this. All I wanted was a good partner, someone equal in all areas. Feeling ALOT of anger and frustration right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 I don't want to seem insensitive but what did you think your ex was doing ?? sitting by the phone not living his life ? Did you think that he would never be able to marry because you were on his mind ? It wouldn't surprise me one bit if any of my ex's were to get engaged or married.. that is why we date and have relationships ? No ? I'm sorry that you are still feeling hurt.. but if more people would live their lives with the attitude that the ex doesn't matter anymore.. I matter.. I'm moving on... then they would be less surprised. 7.5 months is more than long enough to find someone and get engaged.. he may not get married for a while yet.. so thinking that he is doomed for failure is wrong.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Yeah the scottish guy I was with, moved to Shanghai like a month after we broke up and is now married to some girl he met there. It's weird to think that some people think their lovers are interchangeable. Insert tab D into slot C. On the other hand, ultimately this wasn't right for you, but it is probably still uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Hey Just Visiting , I too am not trying to dump on you considering how you are feeling..obviously you don't need to hear 'told you so's' , but this is another example of what NC means. You were cruising through your ex's profiles..may I ask what the hell for?..You were looking for info and got it. Now you got bummed out by it. NC means NO CONTACT. That includes cruising on sites where you could find out info on your ex. Hey we all are curious to some degree about the ex...BUT to actively do something that involves breaking No Contact is inviting yourself to hearing news you may not be ready nor need to hear. And if you decide to keep doing it, which is like inflicting pain on yourself YOU WILL go through this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 You should try not to put your self in a position to where you can easily find stuff out, I know sometimes you can't help it though! My ex rushed in to a relationship a week after we broke up and they have been together for 8 months now, I know your pain , he was my first love and just first everything.... It sucks seeing them in the car to when im driving, but I do believe that qoute " god doesn't really give us what we want, but what we need to heal" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just Visiting Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 Once I found that my ex was in a different relationship, I avoided any of his online profiles like the plague. I was curious to see what his niece was up to as we always got along while I was with her uncle. I started going through her photo album when I came across that bit of information. Stupid Me. I know I am being irrational or childish at this point. My ex has moved on to other things and I need to as well. I am still angry and decided not to rationalize it away...I always stuffed anger down and figure it is time I really let those feelings flow. Otherwise I will carry them for a long time. It wasn't meant to be. I understand that. I love what Maya Angelou said to Oprah when Oprah was all upset over tabloids. "YOU ALONE ARE ENOUGH. Stop it. I want you to stop it. The light God has shining on your face does not hold a candle to everything that everybody are trying to say about you." I need to remind myself that Me alone...is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Once I found that my ex was in a different relationship, I avoided any of his online profiles like the plague. I was curious to see what his niece was up to as we always got along while I was with her uncle. I started going through her photo album when I came across that bit of information. Stupid Me. I know I am being irrational or childish at this point. My ex has moved on to other things and I need to as well. I am still angry and decided not to rationalize it away...I always stuffed anger down and figure it is time I really let those feelings flow. Otherwise I will carry them for a long time. It wasn't meant to be. I understand that. I love what Maya Angelou said to Oprah when Oprah was all upset over tabloids. "YOU ALONE ARE ENOUGH. Stop it. I want you to stop it. The light God has shining on your face does not hold a candle to everything that everybody are trying to say about you." I need to remind myself that Me alone...is enough. Just Visiting, You are not being stupid or iRrational..BUT the point is by breaking NC, innocent little breaks of contacts will set you back. Sometimes you got to let go of those family contacts with the ex's family because that puts you closer to the chance of hearing tidbits of unnecessary info. Your reaction is Natural, but my reaction to touching to a burning iron (to let out a howling scream) is natural too. That being said I don't go touching a hot iron without being cautious. Or better yet don't touch it at all. I know a plugged in iron means it's hot. You are a beautiful person and it's wonderful to accept that you alone are enough. I do believe that in time each of us finds whom we desire to be with. Maybe not now but sooner or later. But we can work on ourselves and prepare for this partner by suring up our self love. Link to post Share on other sites
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