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Miscellaneous ramblings...


visotech

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We broke up a little over 2 weeks ago, and at first I was like "what the f*** just happened..." Then after about a week of feeling sorry for myself I realized that what she said was right "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"...as much as it hurts, its the truth, and its genuine.

 

Looking back on it now, the last 2 or so months of our 2.5 year relationship it seems that we were togather out of convience, I can't remember the last time we used certain pet names, or the last time we did old romantic things of the past. So I have come terms with the idea that we fell out of love...but what hurts is there is no real explanation from either side why it happened.

 

We have maintained contact, which is breaking the rule. We figure that since we both understand the breakup it makes it a "good one" (or atleast we think we understand and since nobody flipped out things are ok between us.) So then contact is ok, (I mean, isn't NC meant for the typical breakup, a bad one?). We've been hanging out, chatting online, few phone calls here n there, and I think im ok with that.

 

Here is where it begins to hurt: Im scared of the uncertainity of future. Im scared when I see a smile on her face that she is moving on faster than I am. I don't want to feel lonley past 8pm every night. I don't want her to forget me and the great times we had. Im scared that I won't meet new people because of confidence issues. My ex (i hate to call her that) went out of her way to persue me, she was my first love, my first relationship. Im 20 year old male and im scared to death of dating, talking to strangers, let alone hitting on women, and im scared that I will never find anyone to love again.

 

More than anything I think right now I need to work out issues with my own self-confidence. I need to go out and meet people, not just other girls, anyone who I can talk to for hours and not get tired of.

 

How can I gain confidence, how can I get passed the fear of rejection, how can I become a whole person again???

 

ahhhh! :sick:

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Just the fact that you're thinking about all these things shows you're looking in the right direction.

 

Gosh, you're so young - you have your whole life ahead of you. You will have many more dating experiences - good and bad, unfortunately - before you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Each one will teach you something about what you want and don't want, need and don't need, etc. I wish I could go back at 20 and have some do-overs! But, that's life.

 

Two weeks isn't very long. After two months you're going to feel a lot differently, I think. Especially after you get out with some new people - go to parties, go out, be open to meeting all kinds of people. Your confidence will build, naturally. Don't force it. Don't hurry.

 

The world is your oyster!

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