more great news...she has a new man

[UT_longhorn]

so i heard from a friend last night that she believes that my ex gf has a new man. the news hurts, but its not as excruciating as i thought it could be. im trying not to dwell on it but i find myself constantly thinking about it. now i can tell myself it really is over. there is no hope, and there is no chance. my friend last night kept telling me, hey...there is no hope, dont keep holding on to something that is not there. i hope that knowing this piece of information will help me move on faster. i hope it doesn'e set me back too much.

 

how about others that have found out the ex is dating again. did it help, or just hurt?

[KittenMoon]

So sorry, UT. Sounds like you've been hitting a really rough patch lately. I hope things start to turn a corner soon for you, even though this sounds like a bad morning, maybe it will give you the kick you need to begin moving past this finally.

[NTB]

i found out my x gf was dating somebody new about 2 days after we broke up. she called to inform me of such great news, so for me i was more hurt than anything. in the long run it will help you move on but for now it will just hurt

[riobikini]

UT, Sometimes, the worst news is, although, painful, in reality, the best news.

 

You now know that she's absolutely and seriously no longer interested in you.

 

As difficult as that is to accept, it is your answer.

 

Sorry about not sugarcoating my reply.

 

I do have empathy (the 'been there' kind of sympathy) for you.

 

-Rio

[BBetsy]

ummmm, Rio? That's not the best news.

 

It hurt like HELL. Like I'd just been kicked in the stomach. The worst is imagining that he's telling HER all the things he told me, looking at HER like he looked at me, making love with HER like he made love with me. He's bought a new convertible and I've crossed paths with him riding HER around and she's where I'M supposed to be. :-(

 

(p.s. The "best news" would be that something gigantic fell on him and he was crushed to death)

[UT_longhorn]

im hoping this will be just what i need to move forward and not hold on to hope. I think thats the biggest thing that has held me back from moving forward...the hope that one day we will reconcile again.

 

My friend was adamant that things will not work out. That there is no hope for us in the future. And I do agree. My ex is not looking back at all. My friend says when she sees my ex out...shes having fun and hanging out with this guy and she's miles from even remotely thinking about me. Now...why would I even still want to be pining for a girl who's obviously a million miles in front of me. Hasn't even contacted me. Its pretty clear cut that she's gone....gone....gone. And I think that was the hardest part to accept, and hopefully with this piece of information, I can truly accept that we are over.

 

I do admit, the knowledge of that news does suck. But I have to keep telling myself, the pain is in my head. The world moves on whether I like it or not. I can sit and dwell on this or I can move forward and power through this. I think I'll go for the second option. But I hate the fact that I have to go through this hurt all over again.

[riobikini]

UT,

 

What you could do now, is keep foolishly clinging to the almost spiritual sounding belief and hope that she will realize she loves you (does she? or hasn't she obviously moved on?) -and/or you could make heroic effots in pursuing her....or you could stick with 'NC' and keep walking forward into your ***better, more promising*** future.

 

And Betsy...(Smile)...I agree with you: there should be a 'Big Rock Fairy' we could all pay to do our deeds for us.

 

UT, I don't like this for you, at all, -but this is truly how I see it.

 

Yours,

-Rio

[KittenMoon]

And Betsy...(Smile)...I agree with you: there should be a 'Big Rock Fairy' we could all pay to do our deeds for us.

 

Screw that! We need a Burning Itching Syphilis Fairy. :lmao:

[riobikini]

How vicious!

 

But...(smile)...v-e-r-r-y interesting.

 

And I second the motion.

 

-Rio

[In Sync]

I am so sorry UT that you had to get this kind of news, and it's impossible to undo the hearing of it. And though this does put the nail in the coffin, in this case I believe as Bendit and many who feel NC also includes no contact meaning hearing anything about the ex from outside sources.

 

By strict standards NC is just that NO CONTACT. From that day forward once you initiate and maintain it..that's it. Again you can not undo knowing this news but tell your friends no more bits of information about the ex. It serves no purpose but to F**K with your head...just as this news has done. Yeah you know but now you'll conjure up needless junk in your head that plain sucks. People stop with the breaking NC it's pointless, if someone has moved on beyond 1 week 1 month and 1 year. Let them go and work on regaining your sense of self. These are emotional wounds to the heart we're dealing with. Quit taking blows to your heart just to confirm your ex has moved on.

[UT_longhorn]

in sync,

 

i agree...i definately should have been more careful. my friend said that she was doing it for my benefit, to help me move on. i hope that this knowledge really helps me to stop hoping..bacause i really was holding on to hope.

 

from this point on though, i am going to try to strictly go into nc. but its difficult as we move in similar circles of friends.

 

it really does feel like someone sledgehammered me in the chest today.

 

but i will again, take it. like i've done for the past few months. trudge through the pain.

[In Sync]

in sync,

 

i agree...i definately should have been more careful. my friend said that she was doing it for my benefit, to help me move on. i hope that this knowledge really helps me to stop hoping..bacause i really was holding on to hope.

 

from this point on though, i am going to try to strictly go into nc. but its difficult as we move in similar circles of friends.

 

it really does feel like someone sledgehammered me in the chest today.

 

but i will again, take it. like i've done for the past few months. trudge through the pain.

 

If I were your friend I would have the hardest time in the world telling anybody this news. I don't buy the I"m doing it for your benefit. But I'm diffeerent. I could undertsand if I were tortured yes, I could see revealibg this info, but the point is..IT STOPS NOW. USELESS INFO IS A HUGE NO.Your friends can be with you and learn to keep their mouths shut. This is time for you to heal. You are top priority now.

BTW.. we all hold on to hope, so it is ridiculous to think breaking NC is a way to bring closure. It's a B.S. form of logic. Part of healing is getting over that hope. And you can do it still by maintaining NC.

[UT_longhorn]

i think its gonna be a rough day today. and maybe even a rough week.

 

in sync...it seems like you are doing very well lately. can you tell me how long its been for you NC and also, how you are feeling about your breakup situation?

[In Sync]

i think its gonna be a rough day today. and maybe even a rough week.

 

in sync...it seems like you are doing very well lately. can you tell me how long its been for you NC and also, how you are feeling about your breakup situation?

 

A year ago in April (the 17th) he revealed to me he was sorta seeing someone. The world split opened underneathe my feet. I was in shock. Numb for days. I stayed in contact and still continued to sleep with him knowing for him he wanted to be free to be with others and I clung foolishly to thinking he'd change his mind. This continued much to my heartache and foolishness until September (and trust me he was not sensitive...but I clung and hoped)

Finally about the end of October it was heading further south and I denied to myself the truth. Then reality hit. My Mom passed away. I was juggling two devastating losses. I told him what happened and he just said I'm sorry..I'll take you for coffee next week and then wrote me about a wonderful weekend he had with his classmates...in the midst of my grieving and not a single offer of comfort since. That was the end of October. I kid you not that I was fetal position crying and thought I can't go on it's too much to handle...That was then. I maintained NC (at the advice of Bendit) and fought every single impulse to contact that person I'd thought would comfort me. So my feeling is this, NC ain't easy. And I also learned I don't need a person so heartless to validate me. It's wonderful to be free of the person you mentally are tied too.

I don't need to have the last word to get closure. (does that mean I still don't get pissed that I didn't , yeah BUT SO WHAT...I'm proud that I did it) And trust me, going back to these scabs for one last closure talk only feeds their egos. They have no place in your recovery. It's all in your hands!

[MadDog]

i found out my x gf was dating somebody new about 2 days after we broke up. she called to inform me of such great news, so for me i was more hurt than anything. in the long run it will help you move on but for now it will just hurt

 

That sounds like a Geico commercial:

 

Ex-girlfriend: "I've got some good news. I met a new guy and we're dating now. He's awesome."

 

Guy: "I thought you said you had good news."

 

Ex-girlfriend: "I did. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."

 

We have a name for girls like your ex where I come from. It starts with a "B" and ends in "yatch."

[SmoochieFace]

how about others that have found out the ex is dating again. did it help, or just hurt?

 

I couldn't care less what the X is doing as far as whether or not she is dating... it's not an issue of *helping* or *hurting*.

 

Although... her telling me that her new dude gave her a lifetime case of the herpes put a smile on my face. Sometimes revenge is sweet even if you are not seeking it.

[Just Visiting]

I have been there as well. It was similar to In Sync's experience. We were living together for almost a year. During the last month and a half, my ex was withdrawing more and more and becoming increasingly angry. I felt like I wasn't even welcomed at home. At the same time, my good friend died from cancer, one nephew was hit by a car and died instantly, and my mother had to be taken in for emergency surgery (she went into respiratory arrest and had to be put on a breathing machine for 3 days). Everything was happening so fast that I felt like my world was crumbling down on me. My ex wasn't there for me emotionally and made it obvious he wanted me out (without coming out and saying it). I felt like I was backed in the corner and left in order to save myself.

 

Shortly after I left, he started cruising dating profiles and changed his online profiles to single. I was so hurt and angry. What did I do for him to be that way? But I knew there was no way in h*ll I was going to make contact. I still had my dignity. About 2 to 2.5 months after our split, he was seeing someone new. I didn't find out until a couple days before my bday. I broke down when I found out. It felt like another twist of the knife.

 

It is now going on 7.5 months since the split. We have not had any sort of conversation since beginning of November. I am doing much better and managed to pick up my life again. It slowly gets easier with each passing month. I have many men approaching me but have made it clear that I want to be single for the time being. So far so good. I am still carrying feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment towards my ex and what happened between us. I am sure that will fade in time. I am proud for not breaking down and contacting him. He has kept me on his MSN list. I have trashed all reminders of him (emails, photos, contact lists, etc).

 

I have learned alot from that experience. I am learning to be more vocal on what is acceptable to me and what is not. Before I was afraid to say anything not to rock the boat. I have also learned not to give up my life in order to satisfy someone else. Believe me, it doesn't work in the long run.

 

UT....I know what you are going through. I still have moments where my mind goes in circles asking the same questions, trying to make sense of it all. It sucks...really does. I have had my heart broken before, and I got through it, it can be done again. That is something we all need to remember.

[BBBetsy]

Just because someone has a new dating partner - or even fiance or spouse - doesn't mean they won't come back to you. I've seen it happen plenty of times. In fact, the first time my ex broke up with me it was because his ex-wife came crawling back around -- and she was engaged and going to be married in a month -- he never expected it. Several people I know have had experiences where exes come back begging after they've dated other people and found out they had a good thing, after all....

 

Not to give false hope, but you shouldn't think that just because someone has started another person there's NO WAY they'll ever come back...

[Spitkicker]

I'm part of the club as well.... I went out with my X for 4 years. I was a great boyfriend to her. I took care of her and her family and I stood by her side taking care of her while her father was passing away.

 

we broke up and not even a month later she starts dating some one else.

 

I was CRUSHED. It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.

 

In time though my heart started to heal and I am doing a lot better than before now. The only problem is that she keeps in contact with me throuhgh instant messenger and she tells me that she misses me dearly.

 

She hasn't tried to call once, so now I just think shes trying to play games and keep me on a string.

 

You just gotta realize one important thing. You need to care about YOUR happiness and not anyone else's because if you don't no one will.

 

Good Luck!

[UT_longhorn]

Thanks eveyone for your responses. Im glad to hear your experiences and not feel that I am alone in this. To tell you the truth, I feel pretty decent this afternoon, even though the morning seemed like a pretty big panic attack waiting to happen. I know that I'll be healing as time goes by. I have hope for healing and a commitment to let go of her. I am going to avoid her at all costs which means not hanging out at some of the spots that I'd like to, but I am willing myself to heal.

[littlepiggy1]

I recently found out my ex has a new b/f, less than 2 months after we split up. It hurt, to say the least.

[MadDog]

I recently found out my ex has a new b/f, less than 2 months after we split up. It hurt, to say the least.

 

Well 2 months is quite a bit of time. How long did you expect her to remain single?

 

Sometimes it hasn't been all that long after a breakup but someone really special comes along and you'd be foolish to turn them down as long as you're over the previous relationship. Jumping into a relationship when you're not over the previous one is another matter.

[UT_longhorn]

Well 2 months is quite a bit of time. How long did you expect her to remain single?

 

Really? I would think that 2 months after a serious relationship is pretty short.

[MadDog]

Really? I would think that 2 months after a serious relationship is pretty short.

 

I guess it depends on who ended it. Most breakups end with one person wanting out and the other preson wanting to continue. The one who did the breaking up normally gets over it a lot faster.

 

For example, I'm the end one who ended my last relationship. I felt badly about it for maybe a week after we were officially over and after that, I was pretty much back to normal (although I wasn't planning on entering a serious relationship anytime soon.) I'm sure it would have been different if I wanted to continue the relationship but she broke it off instead.

 

The reason I got over it so fast is because for the last month of the relationship, my heart really wasn't into it anymore. I was unhappy and I was still trying to make it work but I was getting nothing out of being with her. So when I finally decided to end it, it was a relief. I knew I did the right thing when my life seemed better after the breakup than during the relationship.

[littlepiggy1]

I guess it depends on who ended it. Most breakups end with one person wanting out and the other preson wanting to continue. The one who did the breaking up normally gets over it a lot faster.

 

It was more or less a mutual breakup. We'd had re-occuring issues for awhile and we knew it just wasn't going to work. But FWIW, she had wanted to break up twice prior to us ending it. By that point, I knew I wanted out of the relationship and she did too.

 

What gets me, though, is during the last months of our relationship she expressed doubts about me loving her while going on about how in love with me she was. Yet here we are 2 months later and she has moved on, but I admittedly still harbor feelings for her.

 

On top of that, it was our first "serious" relationship for both of us. Essentially we were each others "first loves". That's also why it stings that she has moved on so fast, imho.