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When did it FINALLY hit home that it REALLY was over...?


Chinook

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It's taken me a long time to get to this point. But this weekend it was finally hammered home that it's over and he's really gone. Something someone said on LS last week hit me, the ex SO doesn't care any longer. This became painfully clear to me today. So now, I can move on.

 

I had instigated 'no contact' last week. However, on Sunday I was running a marathon. This was a hugely significant event for me because it marked a real closure of the chapter of my life where I had recovered from cancer and treatment. I deliberated whether to include the ex on the email about how I did because it's not worth opening those can of worms. But seeing as he had sponsored me £100 over 3 months ago now, I felt it only fair to let him know how I did. So, to err on the side of safety... rather than talking to HIM directly, I included him in an open email which went to a list of family and friends - rather than a personal email to him, thereby not really requiring anything in return.

 

But... what kinda hurt is that he didnt reply at all. Not even to say well done. I know I instigated no contact. I know that's exactly what I want but this was a f*cking HUGE significant event in my life for f*ck's sake and he couldn't acknowledge it. In fact, he didn't even acknowledge the 'no contact' email with a read-receipt like I'd asked.

 

So, it hit home... that he really doesn't care any longer. That just about hammered it home. I'd had my treatment by myself and he left me alone and isolated and upset and this is no different. In short... pretty much I'm better off alone than with someone who plainly never gave a crap in the first place and yet... in the last few months.. this is the person who says he still loves me and still cares. Actions v's Words. Not at all consistent.

 

Over the weekend in the hotel room by myself... I read the book that Bendit recommended last week sometime "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Very much common sense. Very idealistic too I suppose. But... also, something which is worth striving for. I'm going to read it again and again until I have it sorted in my brain exactly how things are for me. Finally, I intend to put a copy in the post to the ex with the chapter on "be impeccable with your word" marked on it. Maybe he'll learn not to hurt other people along the way.

 

So, acceptance is kinda finally hitting home I guess. :(

 

 

 

ONTO THE GOOD NEWS THOUGH!!!

 

I did the marathon in 05:15:06. Not a fantastic time, but considering I'd been injured in the last 3 months and had two bouts of flu which left me with serious chest infections, I think I did fairly well! Also, the race organisers gave me a duplicate medal - so that I can give one to my oncologist with my name engraved on it. The idea being that he can take it out and show his other younger patients. Back 3 years ago, I didn't have hope that I'd be okay... so this will help with that!!

 

:) :) :)

 

So, I don't need the ex to care about it... I cared and it was enough.

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climbergirl

That's awesome (marathon)!! Marathon runners are of a special breed, huge committment in training up to and including the event.

 

I'm impressed and envious...........nice job!!:D

 

Consider it a new chapter.;)

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TravelLight

Fantastic. Well done. I watched it on TV and it is one of the great events.

 

Hey, that's 26 miles. To set the goal and get round is a massive acheivement.

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Thanks you guys!

 

I didn't do London though! I did one in Scotland at Fort William. Called Lochaber. It is always on the same day. I didn't get into the London placings when I applied.

 

Tis still the same thing though... just the atmosphere was alot more calm in Scotland!!

 

:)

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UT_longhorn

chinook...

 

kudos to you! you are a very brave person and fought through adversity to get to the point you are now. i hope you feel a sense of great accomplishment.

 

i hope this can help you get over your ex. good luck!

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Chinook,

 

Your marathon time was just fine...you ran it, and that's what matters.

 

Like your marathon, you gained something/won something for yourself just by 'doing' it....and that goes for 'NC', as well.

 

Focus on what's ahead.;)

 

Good job!

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

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All I can say is wow!! Battling cancer, coping with a breakup and running a marathon!!!

 

You are an inspiration and the medal you gave your oncologist will give many people hope and faith.

 

All the best.

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Congrats on your achievements. I'm still in my marriage of 17 years. I knew it was over when, during MC, she related that she stopped loving me before the wedding but was too embarrassed to tell anyone, that the whole time together, including 2 kids, was a lie.

 

Stay well,

 

1Gravity (gravity was taken)

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It was over when I realized last summer that he had cheated again.

 

Had the locks changed before he came home, it was OVER! 23 years down the tube...

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RecordProducer

Congrats on your marathon results and most of all on beating cancer! :)

 

I realized my marriage was over for good when:

 

- I figured he was not coming back;

- he didn't try to make things work or initiate any resolution of our problems;

- I realized that our problems had no optimistic resolution;

- I realized we didn't belong to each other;

- I realized he was not the good and kind person I thought he was;

- I realized I didn't want to go back to that unhappy marriage;

- I discovered I was better off without him, despite of the fact that I still loved him and wanted him;

- I realized that he didn't love me and probably never entered our marriage with a fully open heart;

- I realized that everything and everyone was more important to him than me.

 

The bold parts are the ones that helped me get over him. Then after a couple years since we split, I met a new guy and fell in love and was completely over the ex.

 

Then I broke up with this guy and met my husband.

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RecordProducer
It was over when I realized last summer that he had cheated again.

 

Had the locks changed before he came home, it was OVER! 23 years down the tube...

Wow! You left your husband after 23 years and he cheated on you? That must have been tough for you, but I think you did the right thing to preserve your sanity. :)
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basscatcher

For my XH: I knew it was over when I realized I was having rage blackouts and when I was coming out of the fog I realized I was staring at the butcher block of knives and thinking "get away from me, get away from me, leave me alone, leave me alone" and I was envisioning cutting him to get himj to leave me alone and stop physically controlling me. I moved out 2 weeks later and the divorce was finalized in 5 months pro-bono....

 

For my XBF: the final acceptance was when he told me he married "her", and the spiritual letting go was 2 weeks ago at a healing service at church.

 

I am doing very well now; except, for my current situation which I am still in process of accepting the letting go..

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Wow! You left your husband after 23 years and he cheated on you? That must have been tough for you, but I think you did the right thing to preserve your sanity. :)

 

 

Forgave him the first time at the ten year mark... he knew there were no more chances, so when I found out again, he was out without a word from me except "don't come home honey."

 

Tough, but I was way too mad at him not being happy enough with the perfect life he had. He'll NEVER be happy.

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RecordProducer
For my XBF: the final acceptance was when he told me he married "her", and the spiritual letting go was 2 weeks ago at a healing service at church.

Are you talking about Charlie?
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basscatcher
Are you talking about Charlie?

 

NO--Michael.. I met him in a on-line game site over 2 years ago. It was amazing and he was the most amazing man.

 

Have you ever heard of anyone truly going weak in the knees upons meeting their soulmate. That was me. I almost fell down because he took my breath away when I first layed eyes on him. My legs gave way under me and I had to grab onto a peice of furnature. He also is the only man that had me absolutely speechless for 2 1/2 days. I couldn't talk. I was mezmerized by him. It was about 6 months online everyday and webcamming talking on the phone for hours and hours before we met and he still had such a profound impact on me.

I held onto hope that someday he and I would get back together. He still tells me he loves me and he made the wrong choice. He said he is a fool.

 

When he told me he married her I knew that thread I held--I had to cut it and I did.

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