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Whats the hardest to recover from?


sick of it

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What would you say is the hardest type of breakup to recover from? Cheating? Falling out of love? In love with someone else?...There are a million reasons...but what do you think is the hardest to accept and hardest to recover from?

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It isn't the type of relationship that makes it hard it is how much you were invested emotionally when the breakup happened.

 

That is why some breakups hurt and some don't.. Heartbreak is Heartbreak

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What would you say is the hardest type of breakup to recover from? Cheating? Falling out of love? In love with someone else?...There are a million reasons...but what do you think is the hardest to accept and hardest to recover from?

 

 

 

I would say cheating, if you are cheated on then you feel betrayed especially when you are the one that was faithfull...you live and you learn. If you were invested in that person then it is hard to let it go

after all hopefully they were your friend, your lover ect...

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I am going to say "in love with someone else" With cheating I can get mad and say that she is a bad person and I could do better. If it is really falling for someone else I feel like I failed somehow.

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I would say cheating, if you are cheated on then you feel betrayed especially when you are the one that was faithfull...you live and you learn. If you were invested in that person then it is hard to let it go

after all hopefully they were your friend, your lover ect...

 

Being cheated on is crap, disrespectful, a betrayal etc, but at least it's a clear-cut personal reason for breaking up. I think it's more difficult when circumstances mean that a relationship really isn't feasible any more, even though there are still strong feelings on both sides.

 

It's easier to put things to rest for good if the other person gives you a reason to really dislike and disrespect them. Finding out someone you loved was lying to and cheating on you is harsh, but at least you're not left with those nagging uncertainies and "maybe ifs" that can trouble you if you break up with a good person for circumstantial reasons (eg them or you being relocated).

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if they fall out of love....theres nothing you can do. there really nothing to get "mad" at. theres no rational explanation...it just happened. cheating gives you a reasosn to be anger, a reasosn to justify them out of your life.

i think its hardest when you love someone and they just stop loving you.

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i agree with the last post. if they just fall out of love with you, then you're left wondering why and what's wrong with you and what did you do wrong? in my case, they never really tell you and it just shatters you. when they cheat, you can just say they were a horrible person.

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RecordProducer

1. If my husband dumped me for another woman; or

2. If he decided to divorce me without exploring any possibilities of resolving our problems and working on our marriage.

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if they fall out of love....theres nothing you can do. there really nothing to get "mad" at. theres no rational explanation...it just happened. cheating gives you a reasosn to be anger, a reasosn to justify them out of your life.

i think its hardest when you love someone and they just stop loving you.

 

 

there is a reason for everything at least that is what I believe, nothing just happens, if someone falls out of love with you there is a reason

 

maybe they were not in love with you in the first place and that is the reason

 

on the flip side people often say that they cheated and there was no rational explanation... it just happened...

 

for instance my very first boyfriend, I was very much in love with him I thought that we would get married but, I left him for someone else as he treated me much better and did not cheat on me.

 

None of it is easy

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The hardest to recover from?

 

Any relationship where your *whole heart* was invested.

 

Your 'whole heart' is a term, I believe, meaning your trust, your time (the days of your life, present and future), your dreams (individual and partnership goals. planning), your efforts (to provide for, and to understand), and your love (caring, compassion, concern).

 

Investing your whole heart and then learning it was invested unwisely is the basis, I believe, for the worst-case recovery situation.

 

-Rio

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The hardest to recover from?

 

Any relationship where your *whole heart* was invested.

 

Exactly- no matter what the circumstances are of the breakup, when you give your all to someone and its thrown in your face, I believe thats the worst.

 

-2020

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RecordProducer
The hardest to recover from?

 

Any relationship where your *whole heart* was invested.

 

While this is very true, I think what the OP wanted to know is: if your whole heart is already invested, what reason for a break-up would be most hurtful for you? :)
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this is true...rio, i agree whole heartedly. but yes, my original question assumed that.

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RP,

 

Personally, I can work through someone succumbing to an affair that took his breath away, and where he was too weak to resist.

 

Repeating the behavior in six months, however, doesn't qualify for forgiveness, (right away) in my book, -it rather, requires letting it go....right now!

 

But I would probably learn to live again. (Smile)

 

Actually falling out of love with me and in love with someone else and having to come to me and say his heart belonged to another person would also be tough for me, but knowing me, I would look very carefully at myself (first) to see if I had contributed to that by not being attentive enough, etc. etc.

 

Still, even with my whole heart invested, I could in time, forgive, and in all likelihood, find enough reason to live a very full life without throwing myself off a bridge. ('nother smile).

 

What I find, for myself, has greater difficulty attached, is being totally in love with someone and learning that they were *never* equally emotionally involved with me, and had only gone through very believable theatrics, dramatizations, motions, and almost-but-not-quite-commitment-sounding verbalizations even using the 'L' word, leading me deeper and deeper into the relationship, with the outcome finally revealing the truth.

 

That has, from my own personal experiences, been the most devastating type of relationship to recover from.

 

But I still believe that forgiveness is possible in all the above, (with the necessary time given to heal) -for me, at least.

 

My personal philosophy on love? ***If you can't give it, you truly don't stand a chance at getting it.***

 

And that's why forgiveness is necessary...it makes you ready for love again.

 

-Rio

 

P.S. And remember that you can forgive someone (quietly) *without having to go to them!*

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ive been thinking a lot lately. reflecting, finally.

i think ive realized that i wasnt truly loved.

i had wondered for so long...almost a year now, how someone could say they loved me and yet, go to someone else <snap> like that. i dont think i had been loved ina long time and in my blindness of always trying to please her and make her happy, because thats what she wanted, i took that for love.

its very hard to grasp and understand that the "i love you"s were not true for a long time. but thinking back, many little things start to make sense. why the effort wasnt there sometimes, the little things that never happened, the small promises that kept being broken, the change in attitude....ive been pining for someone that hasnt loved me in probably a few years....:(

sad how i now get it...

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this is why i preach preach preach nc.

if you stay in contact you stay in THEIR reality distortion field. when you get NC distance, you start to see clearly. you come out of the fog. soon you realize there wasn't much there There to begin with.

 

regards

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Let me make an equation for you all that might help :)

 

 

Heartbreak level = Emotional investment level

 

 

In general :p

 

 

 

Sickofit: I know what you mean. But in a sense it lessens the blow if you know you're losing someone that didn't care about you and you knew it. It's not nearly as bad as a situation where everything was perfect and then they pull an instant 180 on you and become this cold bitch at you. Although, actually, it might hurt more in terms of how long you stick in an emotionally abusive relationship. Regardless, it's sometimes easy to see when the signs are there, and it makes it easier to justify moving on because you know you should find someone out there who will treat you better. I'm trying to move on myself... easier said than done though.

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Carlthecoffeeaddict

"if you stay in contact you stay in THEIR reality distortion field. when you get NC distance, you start to see clearly."

 

Not only that, you give them a sense that you can easily shut them out of your life and that you are moving on. NO sense in "being friends" right after the termination of relationship, it just makes you look weak. Dont give them the benefit of the doubt that what they did hurt you. If you do then they will disregard your feelings.

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when you get NC distance, you start to see clearly. you come out of the fog. soon you realize there wasn't much there There to begin with.

 

regards

 

 

I see the logic in that. but i still feel the same. meaning, maybe my love was unfounded?...but it was still love, and strong. the part im realizing is that it was never going to be reciprocated. i was in a LDR for 5.5 yrs. i thought it would get better....apparently not. apprently it never was going to.

 

so still i sit here. a year after the "go on a break" talk, 8 months since she got her new bf, 7 months since ive seen her, almost 2 months NC (again), and im finally seeing this. i dont want to, i dont want it to be true...i dont know if it will make me feel better like Vertex said...but its an explanation. finally, some sense...and if its true, if i convince myself of it....it should be the final cadence to this symphony of rejection and despair.

 

if i believe this thought...then theres no more waiting (because i am. im waiting for contact, im waiting for them tp break up, im waiting to finally talk to her about something), theres no more expecting, no more karma, no more of these notions that we are raised with and notions that are planted in our heads by people who try to make us feel better, no more hoping that yes, this is like a movie, the long lost love will come back.

 

all of us stuck where we are usually are stuck there because we believe in love. thats ok. believe in our own love. we are programmed to tie that togetehr with the love from someone else as well. sadly, thats not always the case after a breakup. silly me, i thought that 5.5 yrs meant something. that breakup happens an impulse, that the feelings arent gone by the time that happens. maybe i was wrong. maybe the feelings were long gone.

 

meanwhile, while im waiting for her to say im sorry, or me try to fix things immediately following the break, im thinking to myself, itll be ok, she still must have love for me. i relied on it. in a way, i still do. so many stories of breaking up with someone while you love them. getting back together with them...these beautiful stories that i thought love, true love, were all about. the kind you tell your grandkids, the kind that at every christmas party makes your friends cry.

 

i still believe in it....but i dont think it happened this time. i dont think im part of that story. i wanted to be, i thought i was...and maybe i will be. but i cant bank on it.

 

love shouldnt feel like this...and yet, if i am part of the story...i know that the ending will be worth it...

 

....whether its with my ex or not, the ending will most definitely be worth it.

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1. If my husband dumped me for another woman; or

2. If he decided to divorce me without exploring any possibilities of resolving our problems and working on our marriage.

 

this is exactly what happen to me.. and it hurts

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basscatcher

I have to agree with Rio...

 

I think if your heart is fully invested it hurts worse.

 

What makes it more like twisting the knife is when they dump you without telling you why, all the while crying as they leave, telling you their sorry and that they really do love you, then runs back into the home and hugs and holds you, crying, telling you over and over he is sorry and that he does love you and he leaves anyway...!!! WTF..

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The hardest thing that I had to recover from was the idea that I was no longer a factor in his life. It was like he was done that's it...next. I proclaimed my love for him and it meant nothing. As if a switch had turned on and off. He just stopped caring. So it's been an upward battle not to equate my self -worth with his "over and done with dismissal" of me.

I invested my heart. Maybe it was foolish on hindsight but I honestly thought if you love someone more they would return it....That's a myth. NC became crucial to get away from that myth and face my reality as it was. He dropped out of the relationship and nothing I could do would change that. So the longer I refuse to accept that concept and breaking NC, the longer it kept hurting. Old beliefs kept me hoping adapting my new belief in NC got me to let go.

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