Week old breakup

[Big_A]

I wrote her a letter, that I won't give to her because I know it won't do anything, but I wanted to share it anyway:

 

<NAME REMOVED>,

Please forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes, this was written hastily.

I know the truth and I know that you are not coming back to me next weekend. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Your fidelity was never in doubt to me, nor your commitment to our relationship. However the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune have a way of playing havoc with even the best laid plans.

Please excuse one moment of anger. I wish you had not lied to me. That is probably the hardest thing for me to take. I know you that you cheated. I know that you have a sexual and emotionally intimate relationship with someone else, I know it in the same way I knew what my birthday present was. You simply can’t lie to me. I know you too well. The evidence simply makes the lying childish. By evidence I mean the text messages, I know you said they were harmless, but we both know that isn’t the case. You have sent the same messages to me and I know what they mean. I also found the Trojan ultra ribbed condom in your bag. So please stop the fiction. I am deeply wounded by the fact that you could do this. It is so frustrating to me that while you were in his arms giving him the love that I deserve, I was at home thinking of ways to make you happy. All those times you had something else to do you were with someone else. I doubt very much you have ever done anything so wrong to someone. Of course I know that you could not say it. After I vested the trust and care into you that I have, how could you? It is at once terrible and embarrassing so despite my anger, I understand.

Cheating is a funny thing. There is a self reinforcement in the behavior. It starts in a way that may be innocent enough, but the feelings are there. Then the attraction grows inversely to the distance you feel from your partner. I could not help but notice when it happened, but of course I trust you. Then it happens, what ever it is that tips the scale from “this could be innocent” to “this is not innocent”. At first there is guilt, compounded by excitement. Perhaps you discussed this with him and perhaps not. Then you talk to me and I am a reminder of real life. A reminder of the things your dread. You come home to visit and think “maybe this can be worked out?” but I seem so distant to you. It almost seems as if I don’t care. When in actuality I am trying to love you, but when you don’t respond out of guilt or confusion, I become dismayed. It doesn’t help that you find solace with the one person who has every intention of seeing us apart. This cycle continues, when you talk to people who don’t know or care about me or us. They don’t remind you of how happy we were. You tell them that the new guy is caring and that I am cold. I didn’t want to be cold, but I was so confused, at least now I know why.

Since you are leaving anyway I really want to know, how did it happen? Did it start slow? Were you vulnerable and lonely one night? Drunk? The first time you kissed, did you think of me? Did you feel guilty after the first time you f***ed him? Have you lied to him about me as well? I know that I’ll never get the real answers, but you know that I deserve the truth. I know that you are hurting right now as I am. The worst part of this for me is that on Monday night I will be alone with my tears and you will have comfort with another, comfort that I long for but can not have.

 

 

 

 

While I am angry, anger will pass. Anger is a bright burning ember, but it burns itself out quickly. Mostly I am so very sad to lose you. For over ten years I have counted you among my favorite people. When I lived in Hawaii you were a person who I wanted to see when I visited home. When we first began dating I was elated that we finally moved to this level and now that you are gone I am so far from knowing what is to come that the once bright future is now opaque with the black cloud of despair.

The point of this is really for me to be cathartic. I have to find a place inside me that wants to continue, although I don’t seem to have one that wants to continue without you. While we spoke I listed the things I do that I know you enjoy and I know that you think I could do those for someone else and let them enjoy them. That perhaps I will move on like you have. I can not though. I can’t stand the thought of being intimate with anyone but you. I can’t make fois gras or massage someone else. The thought of it sickens me.

It is funny the way these things go. You are visiting your grandmother right now and coming back here tonight. It is evident to me that you want to do this as painlessly as possible, that is why you are maintaining a fiction about the other man, but when you leave again, you’re never coming back. You will be sweet to me, you’ll cuddle me and you’ll say your sorry and that you love me, but you’re not coming back next week or the one after or ever again. It is sweet that you want to hurt me as little as possible and I’m not sure how that could be done, but right now I feel like I need your love more then anything in the world but I must show resolve and humiliatingly accept your pity.

My one small comfort is that you did not give me a real chance. You allowed yourself to give into temptation and grow distant from me without attempting to make amends. Without really communicating with me how you felt. Despite whom you may find that is bringing you short term joy, nobody will be as dedicated to your happiness as I have been. They will say so, but they are just trying to get into your pants.

These last few years have been magical. It has been wonderful sharing my life and experiencing your joys with you. As well it is tragic that there will be no more. No more laughing about math and no more deep discussions about food. I am going to miss teasing your dad. I will look back fondly on our couple of Vegas trips. Your strength getting through school and dealing with your grandparents will remain an inspiration to me. I am crying right now, thinking how much I’ll miss you… …it is you that I will miss, all of you.

You will be home soon so I must find an end to these ramblings. I hope to spend our final few hours together as happy as we can. While my intellect tells me that you are never coming back to me my heart still hopes that if we can reconnect before you leave, maybe there is a chance. Maybe my soul won’t die.

Don’t go to far away from me. I may not have the nerve to call you, but a time will not be that I won’t crave the sound of your voice or the touch of your hand. It will be embarrassment and humiliation. I know that you will have to be in the area sometimes to visit your grandmother. I will always love to see you.

It is likely that if you were willing to make a real attempt I would forgive you. You may not believe that, but it is true. Even now my anger has faded. You know from the last two days that I am willing to help you through whatever ails you. If you can find a way to believe in my love for you, you will find a way to salvation. I will forgive you. This kind of pain makes a person see deep inside them self, once a heart is broken it is easy to see inside. In my heart is an unfettered love for you, a love so great that my mortal shell can barley contain it. Once many years ago we were a pool party at Chris and Cisco’s house. Do wonder if you remember? We flirted in the pool a little. That night I spoke these very words in front of my friends, “That is the girl I am going to marry.” Of course they guffawed and it seemed for a while that we took different paths, but I always knew that someday we would be together, to love, marry, raise children, and grow old together. We both may take different paths but I will always love you.

[agnf666]

You know you should have given her that letter. It was really good. I think that might get her thinking about things and maybe she will come back. Totally give her this letter. It comes from your heart and she needs to see this.

[CaliGuy]

Don't send the letter.

 

Keep it for a while then have a funeral and burn it, forgive her, let go and move on.

 

Doesn't matter what she does or what you tell her. What is done is done. The best thing you can do is pick up the pieces, work on rebuilding your confidence and self-esteem and be ready when the next woman comes into your life.

 

Sending her that letter won't bring her back and it won't relieve the anger or loss of trust you have with her.

 

IMHO, once you cheat, you're history. There are no second chances for someone who could do that to me.