lovelorcet Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 So here is the brief background; my partner of 10 years decided a few months ago that she had feelings for someone else and she decided two months ago that she had to follow those feelings. I was devastated. She has also moved out about a month ago now and I had gone into minimal contact (more or less no contact but there have been a few issues that we have to take care of together, but for my part I only make contact when there is no other option. And by the way if anyone out there is fretting over if they should start NC I can only say now from experience DO IT! It made a world of difference for me even though I didn’t believe it would.) So she is now gone and I think I can say that I have given up almost all of my hope for, ever getting back together. Being able to say that right now actually makes me feel better. Well I have been doing all of the right stuff like keeping busy and working out just like Caliguy taught me ;-) and I have gone from thinking my life was ending a few months ago to looking at the future full of optimism. So here is where the question comes in, I think I might have met someone… She is very different from my ex and that just fascinates me. At the moment we have just been hanging out with each other but we are both interested in more. This may sound stupid but is it a bad thing that I am interested in someone else? I almost feel guilty to my Ex because I would think that I should still be morning. When I think about her I feel very little or nothing. Don’t get me wrong, if something awful or life threatening would happen to her I would sure feel it but I could live the rest of my life with those feelings. The thought of my ex with her new guy hardly bothers me at all. Not sure that I would want to watch the two of them make out but it stirs very little emotion in me. I find myself being so happy most of the time now and of course just knowing that this new girl is really interested in me did wonders for my ego which was shattered just a few months back. So ya, is all this bad or good?? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Go with the flow and try not to over-analyze your feelings right now. What's done is done and it's in the past. Just focus on yourself and your needs. Don't rush into this new relationship. Just let it blossom naturally. What you're going through is acceptance. Cut the ex off as much as you can, make your needs #1 and do whatever you need to in order to make yourself happy. Over-analzying things right now isn't going to help much. Just gooooooo with the flooooooow Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovelorcet Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 I over analyze everything, that is just my nature but to go with the flow sounds good to me as well. I just feel this little bit of guilt for feeling so good and that is a really strange feeling. I know there will be other times when I will feel down again but I accept that that will come and I know they will pass. It is kind of like my heart is now saying “we are doing pretty well now lets go out adventuring” and my mind is like “wait a minute weren’t we just all sad and beat up a month ago, aren’t we still there???” This is all so strange it almost makes me laugh. Better then sitting alone and crying. I have been putting a lot of work into following the advise from people here. Starting NC, working on me, pushing out thought of my ex. When I started I was so desperate and felt so terrible I didn’t really believe doing all that stuff would really help. I hope that what I am feeling now is a little bit of payoff for all that work. If I hadn’t found this place I think I would have walked in circulars for months... Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I over analyze everything, that is just my nature but to go with the flow sounds good to me as well. I just feel this little bit of guilt for feeling so good and that is a really strange feeling. Because you don't feel you deserve to be happy. When you come to grips that you not only do deserve to be happy but should not feel guilty about it, watch what happens in your life. You will have a positive effect on everyone around you. I know there will be other times when I will feel down again but I accept that that will come and I know they will pass. It is kind of like my heart is now saying “we are doing pretty well now lets go out adventuring” and my mind is like “wait a minute weren’t we just all sad and beat up a month ago, aren’t we still there???” Deep down you haven't totally let go. As I've mentioned before you need to forgive your ex for whatever happened. Once you forgive her you cut her loose of all ties that bind you and you are free to love someone else. Don't expect anything from the ex anymore, not even revenge. If you truly loved her then you'll want her to be happy, even if it's not with you. This is all so strange it almost makes me laugh. Better then sitting alone and crying. I have been putting a lot of work into following the advise from people here. Starting NC, working on me, pushing out thought of my ex. When I started I was so desperate and felt so terrible I didn’t really believe doing all that stuff would really help. I hope that what I am feeling now is a little bit of payoff for all that work. If I hadn’t found this place I think I would have walked in circulars for months... I'm glad you did. Take my advice above and just enjoy the moment. You deserve to be happy. You need to make your needs #1 (and your s/o's a close #2 (thanks Alpha) and be as happy as you can be. Link to post Share on other sites
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