I broke No Contact

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I'm such an idiot.

 

My wheels have been spinning. And I can't say why but something in my heart keeps telling me that he must be seeing someone -- even though he told me that he didn't have room in his life for a girlfriend. So I texted his cell phone asking him if he was spending all his week nights with her now. Why did I do this? It was so impulsive. And I feel like my emotions are so out of control. I am so consumed with thoughts of him....even after more than three months since the break up. No matter what I do to try and distract myself I feel so much heartache and longing for him. I'm so stupid.

[hurtbeyondwords]

Being human is not stupid, following your heart is not stupid. I agree that it was not the best decision but it happened none the less. Do not regret anything you do just learn from it. I had done the same as you and Ive realized that there are no mistakes, just lessons.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

HBW, he must think I'm nuts. I'll never get him back.

[hurtbeyondwords]

again, no negative thoughts!!! I know it's easy to think that way. Jen, if you 2 are meant to be together then spitting in his face wouldnt stop it. Have faith Jen. When I broke up with my ex yonders ago she used to do the craziest things. At the time I was confused but just brushed it off. When we got to a point where time passed and things settled those things never crossed my mind. Everyone does things out of character when they are upset. If you mean anything to him he will understand.

[fooled]

HBW, he must think I'm nuts. I'll never get him back.

 

You don't want him back, Jencakes! You want someone who will be good to you and have some of this good qualities.

 

I'm taking your phone.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

You don't want him back, Jencakes! You want someone who will be good to you and have some of this good qualities.

 

I'm taking your phone.

 

I want him back...the guy that was good to me...when he was really, really good to me.

 

Take the phone. Hell, take my legs too. Now that they're working again, I can't begin to tell you how tempted I am to walk across the alley and knock on his door. Will you bail me out of jail?

[the_alchemyst]

Oh, jen . . . I can empathize with you so much! I will bail you out of jail; promise.

 

Although, I'd prefer if you didn't have to be there in the first place.

 

I'm really sorry you are feeling bad . . . I just hope you will begin to feel at least a little better.

 

Oh, and btw: Did he reply anything to you?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Oh, and btw: Did he reply anything to you?

 

Nope. He never does. In three months the only words he's said to me is, "Don't contact me anymore, or I'll file harassment charges." Nice, huh? So he gets to dump me in the cruelest way, and somehow I'm the bad guy.

[Apathetic]

Sorry to hear youre having a hard time,but you arent alone..I myself am having a bad time w/ this as well.I promise myself that im done w/ him & that this is it FOR GOOD..go maybe 3 days without calling him & then once HE contacts ME asking where have I been-I break my promise & resume contact.I swore to myself that ill never see him again but yet I just hung out w/ him 2 days ago!!!..

 

I cant seem to stick to my promise to myself,even tho my heart cant take much more,I just cant let it go yet,I keep on running back to him:mad:

[WeaknPowerless]

My thought:

 

There are all the different stages of a breakup. Now while this is not a healthy long term solution, maybe take this stance. It's the only thing that kept me from contacting her.

 

Take the anger stage to a different degree. We all have went through the anger stage, so then turn that into a grudge for NC.

 

A grudge is not a healthy thing to hold onto, obviously, but for the first few months of NC, use it to spite them.

 

"F*CK YOU, I will not contact you. I never want to hear your voice, nor do I care how you are doing. In fact, if I wasn't such a good person, I'd be wishing unthinkable things upon you right now."

 

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you can't do it the right way, do it the pissed off way.

 

I know (I can feel it changing now) that one day I'll just forget how upset I was and then, whatever. She's gone. But for this initial time, if I wasn't as mad as I was at her for the things she did to me, I'd be a poor sap, begging her for her time.

 

You'd be surprised that after a certain amount of time, how much you find that your grudge outweighs any amount of desire to talk to them.

 

Something to chew on anyways.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I had the anger. And I was using it well....for awhile. And then it sort of went away. I pretend to be angry, but I'm really sad and very depressed and longing for him. For some unknown reason I have been unable to channel the anger again. It's like the hurt is as acute, and even more so, than the day he dumped me. I walk around like a zombie, unable to find a reason to smile, feeling a huge hole in my heart and a lump in my throat, and my mind occupied with thoughts of missing him no matter what I try to do to distract myself. It's awful. Really awful.

[Apathetic]

That sounds like it may help but even after the mean & cruel things he has said or done to me,I still cannot get to the point of saying "F you",I dont care about you or what youre doing etc etc...At times I want to strangle him w/ my own two hands but its like I just cant get angry enough to just say "F it" & be on my way

 

Dont get me wrong,I WANT SO BADLY to be mad at him & to be able to say get out my life for good but im not at that point yet.In fact as I am typing this he just texted me:eek: ..Ahh I feel like this will never end unless I grow some ---- & kick him out of my life for good!!!

[WeaknPowerless]

To both you girls:

 

I feel for both of you. We all do. Truely.

 

Things aren't easy. If you could get a pure instance of truth from me, from the bottom of my heart, I do still love my ex because all I knew of her was this illusion of what I thought our relationship was. I can't change that because it's what I knew to be the truth.

 

But she screwed with me; and just as much as I want to hold her and hug her again, even just be friends with her, I have to focus the negative towards her right now. It's such a paradox. I've been very weak so many times over the course, that's when I write the nasty stuff. Things I write to make myself angry. There is no sense in me going other routes in those cases because I'll just hurt more. I do the appropriate methods at the appropriate times.

 

We're at war with ourselves right now. Use your arsenal of weapons in the right battles. You're two beautiful women, that's not going to change because of some guy. Think about us poor guys that got dumped. My ex was, in a superficial way, the most beautiful person I ever even kissed. You know how hard it is for guys? She gets to pick and choose for the rest of her life. I gotta grind out every number I'll ever get.

 

So in your head, tell these guys that you run the show. That if you wanted, you could throw on a cute outfit, take your pick of the lot and then let him know just what he missed out on. And think that by not talking to them, that they won't ever get the satisfaction of knowing what you're doing. Screw them and how they want their cake and eat it too.

 

Or, just assume if your ex's now met someone new, that it's actually my ****** ex that they met and how freaking miserable they will make each other. HA. They deserve each other.