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My family, my boyfriend and my sadness


blind_otter

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blind_otter

So yesterday I figured out why it's so hard for me to let go of my BF. I think it's because I don't want to be alone.

 

He and I fought yesterday because he had custody of his son over the weekend, which is fine, but when I came home for lunch yesterday his son was at my house. On a school day. With nothing wrong with him. His dad just slept through the day instead of taking his son to school. I was angry with him, but he was defensive. He just got pissed right back at me -- for being upset.

 

I swallowed my pride and called my Dad. I was just sad. I told him I just wanted to hear his voice and talk to someone who made me feel good about myself. He's terminally ill. But he drove over to my house with my mother, instead.

 

My mom walked inside and told me that everyone in my family knows that I am crazy. And that they hav given up on me. They tried to help and it didn't work so they have all decided to wash their hands of me. I didn't react, as usual I held it inside. I don't want her to see that she can still hurt me.

 

My Dad got upset when she said that and tried to say something but he can barely talk. He was gasping for air and coughing. He was upset. But what can I do? Tell my mother that I don't accept her decision?

 

My boyfriend always tells me that he will be my family. But he can't we just do not get along and he won't accept it. I try so hard to make him happy and do what he tell sme to do and it's never enough.

 

This morning I was acting childish. We were still arguing and I said, "Well why don't you go to your family. They love you and accept you."

 

He said, "I will, because I actually HAVE a family."

 

And it just made me break inside.

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blind_otter

I don't understand anything. I feel numb again. I think it's better to be numb.

 

I'm still going to Italy. By myself. I will troll for 45 year old wealthy italian men.

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that is bloody terrible.

 

to be honest i think your mother is awful to upset not only you, but also your father who is obviously very unwell. she can "wash" her hands of you later - but she needs to consider your father right now. keep talking to him. he will appreciate the fact you need him. sounds like your mother doesnt instill that feeling in him if she is going to plainly disregard what he has to say/trying to say.

 

my family turned their back on me also years ago. i didnt react and let sleeping dogs lie. soon enough they come back and were apologetic - bloody hurt though. BUT dont let too much time go by before you speak to you mum - at the end of the day she is your mother of course and is probably trying to do what she thinks is best for you - either that or she is a complete cow. sorry. she sounds like a harsh lady but your silence will be making the loudest noise right now.

 

as for your boyfriend. what a CRAP thing to say. did you react at all?

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Ugh, otter- what horrible things to have your mother say to you! It sounds like you have some very difficult situations in your life, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew something to say that would make this kinda stuff seem better. The best I can think of is to say GO to italy, forget the middle aged men, go for the 22yr old stallions! Eat good foods for every meal, drink cappucinos, shop, shop, and shop some more, go to the sea shore, enjoy the art.

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blind_otter

as for your boyfriend. what a CRAP thing to say. did you react at all?

 

Yeah, I reacted in a bad way. I started crying and I said, "I can't believe you would say something like that to me."

 

In retrospect I can see how I could say something like that to me -- he's not the person that I thought he was.

 

Thank you for responding. I just don't know what else to do. My mother and I have always been on bad terms. She was abusive when I was young. At this point I won't have anything to do with the rest of my family after my father dies.

 

Half of me thinks I should just stay out of the way if my Mom is going to upset my Dad by being mean to me. He needs us all to put our personal issues aside for him.

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blind_otter
Ugh, otter- what horrible things to have your mother say to you! It sounds like you have some very difficult situations in your life, I'm so sorry. I wish I knew something to say that would make this kinda stuff seem better. The best I can think of is to say GO to italy, forget the middle aged men, go for the 22yr old stallions! Eat good foods for every meal, drink cappucinos, shop, shop, and shop some more, go to the sea shore, enjoy the art.

 

Hahaha, I want the middle aged italian man for his money. :p

 

I wish I had someone else's life, to be honest. I am ashamed and embarrassed that this is my life and my family.

 

It seems to me like I seek out f***ed up guys to date. What normal man would touch a woman like me with a ten foot pole?

 

Or maybe I should just give up on men entirely. All I seem to want is a replacement father figure anyways.

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prfrogkisser

Remember this is something temporary. Im sure you are a tough woman and you will overcome any adversity.You have to find strenght through these tough times. You are not alone. Choose to be happy:D.

Your Dad needs you. Your mom might be in a lot of emotional pain because of your Dad's condition and her fustration with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is just stuborn and cant express his feelings. He is not providing you with emotional support no wonder you are pissed at him. Most Men are not good at that and you need to teach him.Just tell him how you feel and go from there.

My parents are not good at expressing their feelings and Ived learned that when they are mad at me its the other way around because this is the only way they show affection. Not everyone comes from a loving caring family.

 

I have to recommend a book that open my eyes to a positive way of life...

Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen. Awesome book !!!!:)

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blind_otter

A big part of me felt stupid for even calling my Dad, because my Mom already told me she wrote me out of the will to piss me off. I swallowed my pride and crawled back to her.

 

This is her way, though. It's kind of funny. She's the type of person who would help anyone any way possible. But with me she just can't do what she does for complete strangers (she's a nurse - and very good at what she does).

 

I've begged her for love since I was an infant. She can't give it. And I don't know why but part of me hates her.

 

Last night she said she was "sick" - which usually means she has something horrible. And the worst part is the first thing I thought was that I wanted her to die. I feel so bad for thinking that, but it is probably very telling about our relationship.

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Hahaha, I want the middle aged italian man for his money. :p

 

I wish I had someone else's life, to be honest. I am ashamed and embarrassed that this is my life and my family.

 

It seems to me like I seek out f***ed up guys to date. What normal man would touch a woman like me with a ten foot pole?

 

Or maybe I should just give up on men entirely. All I seem to want is a replacement father figure anyways.

 

 

It's good that you have some grasp of your behaviors- that's always the first step towards resolving anything.

 

Maybe you should try dating someone you wouldn't normally consider dating?

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blind_otter

hmmm. I wonder. What it would be like to have a relationship with someone that didn't hate themselves.

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try not to think about your mother right now. be there for your dad and try not to let her affect you too much. its time to concentrate on dad.

 

as for your boyfriend - unless hes a total heartless twat i dare say he is beating himself up very badly right about now. and let him.

 

what he said was very very cruel. i'm sure he knows that but he needs to apologise. hubby comes out with the most disgusting things also - its the only way they know how to express their hurt sometimes methinks

 

emotionally stunted.

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blind_otter

 

emotionally stunted.

 

Word.

 

The thing is -- hell, I am emotionally stunted in many ways. But I admit it. I'm always the first to apologize, and if I do get into an argument I spend the next day researching conflict management skills and delving into the depths of my psyche. I'm always up for emotional rennovation, as painful as it can be.

 

I think I don't have hugely high expectations. I just want someone to be growth motivated, like I am. In all other ways I give way too much slack.

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amaysngrace

i'm sorry you're having a bad day. it majorly stinks that when it rains, it pours. don't let it hold you back for long, though. your mom sounds like a mean spirit, very much unlike yourself. you bring so much to the table, and you know this through and through.

 

i could tell by your posts that you have been in a bad way lately. i think you have not been at the top of your game recently. your BF is lucky to have you. you seem to be like me in a way...i have referred to myself as a "weirdo-magnet" in the past. i use to seem to attract the most strangest people on the face of the earth. don't think it's just you. it's odd though, i thought you and he had a semi-descent relationship. i never picked up on him being cruel. maybe you just pushed him to a point of exasperation because he feels your overstepped your bounds by commenting on his childrearing, right or wrong as it is. and if you have been down, maybe you have not been the greatest person to be around. it's not the be-all or end-all though. it's just another one of life's little stinky tests we face from time to time.

 

i'm so sorry you are having a rough time of it of late. i hope things get much better for you real soon. a hug and good thoughts to you, b-lot.

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It's good that you have some grasp of your behaviors- that's always the first step towards resolving anything.

 

 

I agree with KittenMoon. The first step is awareness and you seem to have a very good grasp on yourself and your reactions to your mom and boyfriend.

 

The harder step is taking the awareness and translating it into action. You seem like such a strong woman so we all believe you can do it.

 

I'm so sorry about your dad's illness. I lost my father a few years ago and still can't imagine how hard this must be for you due to your mom's treatment of you. Don't allow her to keep you from being there for him. I'm sure you are already well aware of this but I will just reiterate that he needs you.

 

I don't know you but I just wanted to type in some words of encouragement for you. It is horrible that all of this is happening to you. Give yourself some of the support that you are so good at spreading around LS.

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blind_otter

:) thanks. I have been in a bad way recently. Just sucks.

 

I tried to get him to leave me alone for a while. But every time I ask for space he thinks I'm breaking up with him, and then I have to put aside all my issues to calm him down. It's exhausting and I need to focus on me for a while. He can't seem to understand that.

 

He says, if you need me, I am here....and then when I tell him I need him, he gets angry.

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Sorry to hear that your bf was being such an a@@ to you.:( He shouldn't have said that to you. Your mom sounds like a piece of work. She shouldn't have said such a thing as well to you. She is your mother and should stand by you in your time of need. Sorry to hear about your dad 's condition . Sounds to me that he is the only one that gives a damn about you and he is sick . :love: Hugs to you and if you need someone to talk with im here for you pm me anytime.:love: I know how it is to be with someone that has a child from a previous and it can be hell when trying to instill discipline and rules with the child . You and the father will butt heads all the time . Trust me it won't change been dealing with it myself for a while. They are going to be the friend instead of the parent because they don't want to be hated. It is a losing battle . :(

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kitten chick

Sorry about everything otter. Perhaps it's best to let your mom go. If she is causing you so much pain then maybe it would help you to just let her out of your life.

 

And you can do way better than your current boyfriend. ;)

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He said, "I will, because I actually HAVE a family."

 

And it just made me break inside.

 

What a jackass statement.. Sorry he hurt you..

 

He knew it would hurt you and make you step back..and that it what he was trying to do.. maybe he was trying to win the fight by fighting with low blows..

 

you have a family.. and they do love you..

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Sorry about everything otter. Perhaps it's best to let your mom go. If she is causing you so much pain then maybe it would help you to just let her out of your life.

 

And you can do way better than your current boyfriend. ;)

 

Totally agree with KC . You deserve better than your mom and bf is giving you with all you are dealing with. :love:

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amaysngrace

ahhh...men! they will just never understand the complexity of women! well...at least they have peppers :p and speaking of which, if they think with their pepper, as some men do, your BF sees you in a bad mood and thus knows his pepper isn't going to be getting any soon. which probably makes him return to default mode of angry. ;)

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blind_otter

I felt really alone last night. I got so upset after my Mom left. Inside I felt like I just want my Dad. I think I'm going to sneak over there during lunch when my Mom's not there to visit with him.

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PLEASE go and visit your Dad. I bet he is cut up about all of this. And with his awful condition family will be more important to him now than at any other time in his life.

 

Dont worry about BF and certainly dont worry about your mother. Just you sneak over there and visit your dad.

 

and give him our love

 

and I would like to echo Art Critics statement - your family do love you really.

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This is her way, though. It's kind of funny. She's the type of person who would help anyone any way possible. But with me she just can't do what she does for complete strangers (she's a nurse - and very good at what she does).

 

I've begged her for love since I was an infant. She can't give it. And I don't know why but part of me hates her.

I think that most poeples relationships with their mothers are akin to the above.....to varying degrees, of course :)

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blind_otter

HAH. I just called my Mom and told her I'd be by after work (my boss is buying lunch today, my Dad would be pissed if I passed upa free lunch). I was all bright and spritely on the phone and said, "Love you LOADS, MOM!" And smooched the phone.

 

(She works evenings during the week so she won't be there)

 

She was shocked into silence. I feel better. That was kinda mean, but whatever. I do love her. I also hate her. But if I can behave in a more loving way than her, then I win. So there.

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