symbol Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I was doing pretty good since the break up which was about 4 months ago. But lately, especially for the last couple of days, I feel that I am back to day 1. No, I have not contacted my ex at all. He has not either. Not a call, not an email, nothing. I honestly don't know where I stand in my progress to healing. I had started to think that I was over him but yesterday I talked to a close friend, she didn't think that I had moved on. During our conversation, I actually realized that I have not healed yet. Since that conversation, I am feeling much worse than before and I cried my eyes out a couple of times. The last time I cried was perhaps a month ago or so. I understand that I am still on that roller coaster. I just want to know when all this will end. I just don't want to hurt anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
LNY Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I know where you're at. It's been about 9 months for me, and the same deal.. over the past week or so, I've felt that I'm back at day 1. For me, I think it's post valentines day drama's kicking in, because I've always spent Valentines day with someone.. except for this year. It was hard not to contact her, but I didn't. I did find myself thinking about where she was and who she was with but. Keep on NC, that's my only advice as I can't give much right now, I'm going through the same thing as yourself. I don't know WHEN it will stop hurting, but it will eventually. (Or so they tell me). Some heal quicker than others. Link to post Share on other sites
WeaknPowerless Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 I think a bit of it is partly our ego's. We read so many stories about the dumper regretting letting go, or at least constant communication. In situations like ours (I haven't heard from her in a month and half), I think we become angry at their lack of attempts to contact us. We think they just forgot about us and moved on completely. And while I have no clue what my ex is thinking, or yours, we can't sit around wondering. They might think about us often or they might not. The real issue here, is does it matter? What you should do is spin it into a positive manner. They aren't giving you any reason to be upset or pissed off by them saying something stupid (which they would obviously would since they got rid of us ). Head up, I'm with you on this. Just try and make it a good thing and not a bad one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author symbol Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 Thank you for your replies... I think a bit of it is partly our ego's. We read so many stories about the dumper regretting letting go, or at least constant communication. In situations like ours (I haven't heard from her in a month and half), I think we become angry at their lack of attempts to contact us. We think they just forgot about us and moved on completely. WeaknPowerless, you do have a point. But I rather doubt that this is making my life easier. Funny enough, I cannot get angry with my ex. Sometimes I wish that he acted differently. Dumper doing NC sounds like a blessing at first but this way I feel that I am completely abandoned, and that makes me even more sad. Another thing is, I don't know how I exactly feel about him. I don't know how I would respond if he were to call me. You know, sometimes we need such "self tests" to see how we are doing. That would also help me understand if it is really him that I miss, or if it is just the idea of having someone in my life... How do you deal with these thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
WeaknPowerless Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 It may or may not be making your life easier...that's the paradox. If you test the waters of contact, it could screw you up, or it could give you some closure... As for how I deal with them. I claw at my mental hurdles every day. I love my ex, still do. I loved her more then anyone and her not contacting me pains me, but I have resolve. I have to not cave in. I can't. I don't trust my emotions to contact her. I want to be the strong, manly man about her, to think indifferent. To say "the hell with that b*tch, she left me". But it's hard and I committed myself to her. That is exactly why I can't relish on the fact that she won't contact me, because it's just another knife wound, and I can't take another one. I have to deal with my pain on my own, and through friends and people there for support. She would be the number 1 source of comfort, but she's the one that caused the pain in the first place, so you can see why I/we can't turn down that road. I have to trust this "time" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author symbol Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 I don't think that I want to contact my ex. I feel that I would lose my self-respect if I did that. I just hope that he calls me some time, and hopefully that will be the right time for me, and I understand how I feel about him. I know how painful NC is. I spent more than 7 years with my ex, he was for sure the center of my life. I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with him. When this break up came up, my world shattered. And I still can't believe that he is not calling to see how I am doing. So, I guess I understand how you feel. I have to trust this "time" thing. Time! I tend to be an impatient person and letting time to do the healing is just so hard for me. But, I agree, we have to trust it... Thank you so much. I was feeling so alone... Link to post Share on other sites
WeaknPowerless Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Anytime, I hope things pick up for you as well. I take a lot of comfort actually talking to "strangers". It's a fresh avenue for me to release. I hate not talking to her. When you talk to someone every day for an length of time, its so hard. Especially when you consider them your friend as well as a lover. Don't ever think you are alone. When you do, try and make an effort to find someone...in your real life or online. Even taking a shower and talking to yourself seems to help me. Time does take too long it seems, but those seconds add up to minutes which turn to hours and then days. It just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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