BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 i'm thinking of texting my ex on christmas day.... she dumped me nearly 2 months ago now and the strange thing is I haven't heard a thing from her, i mean absolutely nothing, i met her by chance 5-6 weeks ago and i just said hello, i resisted sending her anything on her birthday, i met her friend on Sunday night and i was very drunk but i'm sure i didn't bring my ex up! i can't understand why at all she hasn't contacted me after such a deep intimate relationship! thing is i love her just as much, i'm not a desperado, i have friends and i was at a dinner party Friday night where a girl liked me etc. etc. blah blah. to be honest i'd love to have her back, she was the best gf i ever had and to be more honest i couldn't feel worse i haven't moved on one bit, all i do is think about her, (i did this when i was with her too as i was mad about her!) i know you will say don't contact her as it will make you feel worse etc. but i can't! i was just thinking of saying hello, merry christmas, i miss the music sessions and the fun we used to have Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I just contacted my ex JUST to try to get my things back. Nothing else. I've been depressed ever since. It's like going through everything all over again. Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 BRHW, stay strong my musical friend. Any contact at this stage will put you right back where you started and you'll have to go through this grieving process all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 i appreciate the advice... i don't want to ignore it... god in the past i've been there before! i wouldn't expect a response from her and in a ironic way i think it could help me! slubber i haven't moved on one damn bit so i am still at square one also i didn't get to say what i needed to say to her, she knew this! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 you gotta do what you gotta do.. but remember that contacting her won't get a reply and will push her further away.. Something to think about.. she broke it off with you.. it's up to her to offer the first olive branch Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 you gotta do what you gotta do.. but remember that contacting her won't get a reply and will push her further away.. Something to think about.. she broke it off with you.. it's up to her to offer the first olive branch true i've read all this and ingested this on LS! some people have said to me that she'd be too afraid to speak again after what she done but i doubt it! you're right it is up to her and to be honest shes never going to offer thats why i said i'd nothing to loose! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 true i've read all this and ingested this on LS! some people have said to me that she'd be too afraid to speak again after what she done but i doubt it! you're right it is up to her and to be honest shes never going to offer thats why i said i'd nothing to loose! I've been where you are.. you are right nothing to lose.. but even so.. it just pushes her farther away.. If you don't get what you need from the contact your will contact again until you piss her off.. then you become a bad guy.. been there done that.. the last gf I had i pushed away this way.. She will never speak to me again.. had I waited 6-12 months it might have been a different story.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Don't do it!! Please! As much as you want to reach out to her, she isn't that person in your life anymore. You don't know her like you did before! If you call her or try to see her, it WILL break your heart and throw you back day one. You don't need that, especially now during the upcoming holiday season! She hasn't contacted you at all so that says something too, doesn't it? Really think long and hard. WHY is it that you want to contact her? To see if things will change? To see if she has feelings for you still? Or just want to know how she is doing? All that doesn't matter anymore as she isn't part of your life, she's not a friend nor should she be. I really hope you consider NOT contacting her. It will hurt your heart... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 ...thats why i said i'd nothing to loose! Just your peace of mind and any progress you have made getting over her. You may be telling yourself that it won't mean anything to you, but it does. And you'll be looking for a response of some kind from her no matter what. I recommend against it. Try to think of her as if she's just another great woman you aren't with right now. If you're going to send Christmas greetings to her, then do it for them all. Link to post Share on other sites
heartnsoul Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 i wouldn't expect a response from her and in a ironic way i think it could help me! Assuming you're being honest with yourself and assuming you can totally grasp the consequences; I suggest you take the plunge. I don't know the situation surrounding the break up but I don't know that it really matters. You may not 'rest' until you do this so, contact her. Understand that if you get no response that it's your q to resign yourself. Sometimes in life 'No pain, No gain' I wish you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
RZA-Man Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 BrainRightHeartWrong don't break NC. I can totally relate. My ex hasn't contacted me at all and she probably never will. I also struggle with thinking why hasn't she contacted me, but it's not worth it. What if you find out that she's seeing some new guy and probably having sex with him? You'll probably feel a lot worse. The healing process takes time. Two months is a good start but is probably not the end of your healing process. Just give yourself more time. Don't set yourself up for more heartache! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 I never quite understood the 'push her farther away' when she is are already gone, hell I thought nothing to lose, I asked to talk to her after a few months, she called but I missed it. Then I took a shot and confessed my love on her voice mail (drunk and quite sappy) and just got ignored from there on. Did I push her "farther"? who knows, but what the hell I'm stubborn and would have been pissed if I didn't try. If your not talking at all anyways I dont know how much farther you can push someone. If you feel you have to tell her expect to get shot down all over again, personally I suggest you don't but you gotta do what you gotta do. Your prob doin a lil better than when it first happened, but if you go for it and get shot down or ignored, and this is almost certainly what will happen, you will feel like day 1 again. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 >I never quite understood the 'push her farther away' when she is are already gone, hell I thought nothing to lose, I asked to talk to her after a few months, she called but I missed it. Then I took a shot and confessed my love on her voice mail (drunk and quite sappy) and just got ignored from there on. Did I push her "farther"? Allow me to elaborate what is meant by "pushing them further away". Say, for arguments sake...one day they think, gee...I wonder how (your name) is doing?" One option is, they continue to wonder and perhaps CONTACT YOU! to ask themselves. Solely based off their own interest and desire, not because they are responding to you. Or the second option is, they'll think "oh yeah, that message he sent me pretty much said he's still in sappy mode and I've still got him pining away for me. Cool. Anyway...." Which option would you prefer? By contacting them, you are eliminating ALL possibility of them wondering about you. Mystery is a fabulous thing to work in your favor if you do it right. Being mysterious keeps people interested and it keeps them wondering. Hence, not sending any messages to them to "check in" or "wish them ___" or "remind them" or whatever other reason you can possibily conjure up (lets face it, no matter how you play the card, its the same in each situation...the point is youre contacting them despite them totally ignoring you for god only knows how long). For me, the NC option is the OBVIOUS choice here. You cant lose. >who knows, but what the hell I'm stubborn and would have been pissed if I didn't try. Ah, but if someone alleviated your interest before you did it by presenting you with solid reasons why you would not benefit from contacting her, perhaps youd have never done it and would be feeling better RIGHT NOW. >If your not talking at all anyways I dont know how much farther you can push someone. Oh, believe me. Its always possible to push someone further away. Sometimes I think, "wow (my ex) couldnt possibly do anything more stupid to confirm the reason I cant stand him to begin with" and then WHAM! He does something even more lame. >If you feel you have to tell her expect to get shot down all over again, personally I suggest you don't but you gotta do what you gotta do. Your prob doin a lil better than when it first happened, but if you go for it and get shot down or ignored, and this is almost certainly what will happen, you will feel like day 1 again. Sorry, but he's right (now, he needs to practice what he preaches I know I know, easier said than done). Youre not going to get a positive interaction out of this and then you'll forever wonder if you should have just let it be. So, with that said...dont do it man! ITS NOT WORTH IT! Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Sorry, but he's right (now, he needs to practice what he preaches I know I know, easier said than done). Youre not going to get a positive interaction out of this and then you'll forever wonder if you should have just let it be. So, with that said...dont do it man! ITS NOT WORTH IT! Yeah I'm learning the hard way and already made a huge fool out of myself, dont do it, nothing good can happen. Jdub is wise and now i do wish I took all her advice from the start, but I was a mess and thought I could make it better, but just came across desperate. Take it from someone who took the wrong road, it will beat you up if you do too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 If you have to do it, wait until after the holidays are over. If you don't get a response, it's going to hurt no matter what way you look at it. Being ignored hurts, being rejected hurts. Don't set yourself up to feel that way through the holidays. If you have to contact her, then do it after the New Year and wish her a belated one. As for contacting her, I do understand your desire to do so. There are certain people who come into our lives and leave a mark on our hearts that lasts a lifetime. I never understood that until it happened to me. I will never get my ex completely out of my heart. Right now, he's nipping at my heels again, as I try to ignore his manipulation tactics to keep me hanging on a string. See he still loves me, doesn't want to me with but doesn't want anyone else to have me. He knows he can never give me what I need. Each time we get back together, he ends up running away because he's too immature to commit to anyone or be responsible for more than himself. I've been getting emails over the past week asking me dumb questions he could ask someone else. Yesterday I came home to a Xmas card. He's never sent me one in the past. He knows it annoys me, so I'm not reacting to it anymore. I have asked him before to stop because his contact hurts, but he claims it's okay because he's just trying to be a good guy. So now I say nothing, and although it hurts, I ignore it the best I can. But look, if you are still in love with her and want to get her back, there is no reason why you can't tell her that (BUT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS). So much time has past that she may still have feelings for you, but she's uncomfortable saying anything. You may never know unless you say something. If she is feeling the same thing, she will be there in a heartbeat. I got back with my ex by suggesting we start a F-buddy relationship. He jumped at the chance, because yes, there were still feelings there, and after sleeping together a few times, they came back quick. I don't think you can suggest the same thing, seeing that you're the guy and she's the girl LOL. If you tell her how you feel, and you get no response, then you need to move on forever and never say anything again. After that the ball remains in HER court. If you try again, you lose all your dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 He knows it annoys me, so I'm not reacting to it anymore. I have asked him before to stop because his contact hurts, Lonestar... Have you thought about returning the card return to sender ? what have you done to stop him of his hurtful contact ? Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Lonestar... Have you thought about returning the card return to sender ? what have you done to stop him of his hurtful contact ? Art, we share a kid together, so there's not much I can do, but it's really pissing me off. I can't block him from calling or emailing. The card was a picture of our daughter. One of those mass produced things with the same signature on every one - Love, him & her. All it did was remind me that we're NOT a family (it wasn't signed: love, me him & her). I couldn't throw it out, and I thought sending it back was negative attention he would want. So I took scissors and cut off the card portion, leaving just the picture, which is now hanging on my fridge. I called him just last week and told him to stop this crap. Obviously, it didn't work. There haven't been anymore calls or emails, so far...... Any suggestions? I want to be left alone, not strung along anymore. And I told him I can NOT be friends with him right now. Isn't silence best at this point? I feel like he's looking for a reaction from me. As though he's found a new way to get to me.... killing me with kindness. Edited to say: Maybe next Xmas, if I'm in a relationship with another man, I can send him a Xmas card that's a pic of me, the new guy, and our daughter signed love, me him & her... is that good payback? I can swear to him that I was only trying to be nice, meant nothing wrong, and just wanted to wish him a Merry Xmas! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Lonestar,.. wow.. With a kid there isn't much you can do except what you already have done.. Other than doing what you have already done if he continues it you could explain that you are considering it harrasment and from now on the authorities will be involved.. I'm not saying to really get the authorities involved as you 2 have a child together but you could threaten to to make your point that it has to stop. Personally I would've sent the card back return to sender... I had that happen to me once for a card that wasn't welcome and the message sunk in. Ever since then I have remembered how effective that was. Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Do NOT call her BrainRightHeartWrong! This is not about her anymore, this is about an obession. You can get on with your life. And let's face it folks, if she wanted to be with you, she would not have let this much time gone by. This is the reality I faced and so many others. And so must you face it. What more do you need to know? 2 months! Come on. Don't do this to yourself. You're having an anxiety attack here. I think you probably ARE healing..though you say you haven't changed a bit. You are too tightly wound up in your pain, but really that's part of the letting go. Your anxiety is driving you to think of contacting her as relief of that discomfort. I don't think it will, you'll just want another contact and another until you are back at square one. (Oh my God...Who would've believed I'd ever gotten to this point. Thought I was going to die from so much heartache...from missing him. Geezus, that was over 2 months ago and look I'm still kickin'. yea!!) It's too risky to contact her at this point and hear something you can not handle right now. Really what exactly would change in this relationship if you got back with her? What qualities were so special in her that you really feel you may not find with another at some point when you are ready for loving relationship? It's ok to miss her, and hold love for her...but don't drive a wedge between you two by imposing yourself into her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 (Oh my God...Who would've believed I'd ever gotten to this point. Thought I was going to die from so much heartache...from missing him. Geezus, that was over 2 months ago and look I'm still kickin'. yea!!) See 8 WEEKS Link to post Share on other sites
meltwithme Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 What qualities were so special in her that you really feel you may not find with another at some point when you are ready for loving relationship? Hooray, I thought and thought about this and not only could I not come up with anything she had that others wouldn't, the more I thought the more better qualities I came up with that I would want the next girl to have that the ex didn't Link to post Share on other sites
sick of it Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 ive been thinking of contacting too. ive already pushed her away. shes already told me about the other guy. its been 6 months. ive been doing NC for 1 month. Nothings better. i know i should do NC longer. but at what point is enough enough? we were together for 5.5 years. 6 months is a long time and im sure she would think "what a prick, cant even call to wish a merry x-mas" i didnt call her last month on her birthday and i was reamed. i know its not important what she thinks...but seriously. when will my feelings change. Link to post Share on other sites
J_K_H Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 So much time has past that she may still have feelings for you, but she's uncomfortable saying anything. You may never know unless you say something. This is what I am currently struggling with. I’m also at the breaking point of no contact. The relationship I was in was amazing with never a cross word spoken much less an argument. We were inseparable. Then she began having some problems within her family and told me that it had just become too much and she couldn’t handle being in a relationship anymore. She left it at saying she may call me down the road, but not to wait on her. Unfortunately for me that is much easier said then done. She has been constantly on my mind even though we have gone nearly two months without contact. A couple of days ago I was driving down the road and saw her for the first time since walking into where she works. I didn’t stop to talk and know she didn’t see me, but I have been unable to stop thinking about her. I just have the desire to let her know how I feel and let her do with it what she will. I know this is something that could potentially set me up for a big letdown… Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Did you ever notice that we never get people on here who have broken up with someone but decide down the road that they want to get back together? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Did you ever notice that we never get people on here who have broken up with someone but decide down the road that they want to get back together? My guess would be because someone back to together wouldn't be posting on LS.. I could be wrong though.. maybe getting back together never happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts