Finished crying..found out ex has new gf...

[Just Visiting]

I guess it is a twist of the knife. I just found out that my ex is seeing someone new. We broke up three months ago and deep inside I hoped we would try to rebuild something in time. Now those hopes are dashed and I am left with memories and a puddle of tears. We lived together for ten months and did alot of things together with his family and son. It is something I haven't experienced before.

 

I don't know, there are things about him that disturbed me ie. pill addiction, porn, hiding things...and yet I am so hurt that he was able to move on and find someone new. Here I have been trying to heal and make sense of the whole thing. When I fall for someone, I fall hard and wear my heart on my sleeve. It is such a blow to find that the other person didn't feel the same and was able to pick up their lives so easily. I just never thought he would be that type of person. I am tired of falling for guys who end up breaking my heart and not look back.

[jacked17]

yeah, i'm a guy and I'm the same way. I invest a lot of myself into my significant other. When I found my ex moved on and is dating someone else it absolutely ripped my heart out. The thoughts that run through your mind are the worst about what's going on. I wish I could tell you everything gets better after you find it but for me it hurt even worse.

[Natalie05]

But what you have to remember is - your ex hasn't changed and the same crap you put up with is now something your replacement has yet to even discover. If you put up with pill addiction, porn, hiding things - this new chick is going to end up having to put up with this same sh*t.

 

Look at it as a blessing in disguise and a way for you to move on and find a guy who isn't addicted to pills, porn or being sneaky...........

 

I too have allowed myself to be vulnerable and completely honest in relationships and it's only gotten me screwed. When I'm at b*tch in a relationship the guy wants to eat out of my hand and do backflips for me. When I'm myself and genuinely honest and kind - I get royally f**ked.

 

And I too refuse to put up with a guy who's addicted to porn. You're not alone on that issue - it's a HUGE problem with alot of women. Just know there are decent guys out there who would kill for a real woman and a relationships over porn. It's just we're all too busy trying to change the losers we're with or just broken up with.

 

Keep the faith - a better guy is out there for you. Put closure to this and wish the new chick much needed luck!

[CaliGuy]

yeah, i'm a guy and I'm the same way. I invest a lot of myself into my significant other. When I found my ex moved on and is dating someone else it absolutely ripped my heart out. The thoughts that run through your mind are the worst about what's going on. I wish I could tell you everything gets better after you find it but for me it hurt even worse.

 

You have to be able to put those thoughts out of your mind. They will only delay the healing process. I understand it's very very hard to just stop thinking about it.

 

The way I dealt with it was to remember that I had no control over it and just had to let it go. She will do what she wants to do and there's nothing I can do to stop it. In fact, if I interfere it will do much more harm than good to me and whatever is left of the relationship, if any.

 

There will be someone better coming along, you have to realize that. The sooner you do, the sooner you accept things for what they are (face reality) the sooner you can start to heal and be your old self again.

 

I've been recommending to people to take note of what went wrong in the relationship. The one thing you do have control over is yourself. You can improve yourself and learn from the experience to help make you even more attractive to the right person when he/she does come along.

 

It's amazing how much better you feel when you've improved, your confidence returns and the opposite sex starts noticing you a lot more.

 

Life get's better, trust me. It's not always going to be this way. But don't torture yourself thinking about what the ex is doing.

 

Did you know that accepting reality for what it is can help your self-esteem significantly? The reason is that you no longer have to lie to yourself or deny the truth. You accept it for what it is and you are suddenly released and feel comfortable in your own skin. Denying reality contributes to low self-esteem and depression. It cripples you and makes it darn near impossible for you to face your fears and reality. It takes pressure off of you.

 

Is my ex having sex with someone else? Probably. Do I care? Not really. I can't stop her, she's going to do what she wants to do. She had sex before me and will after. Agonizing over it would simply hold me down further. I accept it and move on. I don't care what she's doing anymore.

 

I need to worry about myself.

[dahlia]

Please. Understand that I was in a longterm relationship. We lived together. He was a very sexual person and loved sex with me, craved it. And then, all of a sudden, he became indifferent. I had no problem with porn if it was shared and out in the open----of course I would have rather have had him be into me and let it go at that----but, he was like no, not into porn that much. He then never acted sexual towards me. Come to find out, after he moved out, I found a good stash of his porn, even many in the dvd players around the house. He evidently forgot to pack them while I was away.....It hurt tremendously b/c he always denied it, and in the last year, maybe 2 was very not into me sexually. Now you may think I let myself go, but it's far from the case. I am extremely vain, and always up on my appearance.....so it has nothing to do with that.

 

Just a bunch of lies and secrecy. At least surrounding the porn. Heh, I'm sad, I loved the guy, but let him go find someone who will be happy with this......scraps....nothing much but sexual indifference and scraps for yourself. I really don't think once someone is like this they are going to change. Yea, if you gain like a 100 lbs and look terrible, well then you probably should expect that, but, when you still turn heads everywhere you go and your partner sneaks around and prefers porn to you, there is a huge problem

[dahlia]

I am so sorry. Please forgive me, your guy may be nothing as bad as my ex. I was just venting and meant every word of it----for me----and anyone else who went thru what I did. You may have had totally different issues, so please forgive me for being so bold to assume that your issues were like mine.

[In Sync]

I guess it is a twist of the knife. I just found out that my ex is seeing someone new. We broke up three months ago and deep inside I hoped we would try to rebuild something in time. Now those hopes are dashed and I am left with memories and a puddle of tears. We lived together for ten months and did alot of things together with his family and son. It is something I haven't experienced before.

 

I don't know, there are things about him that disturbed me ie. pill addiction, porn, hiding things...and yet I am so hurt that he was able to move on and find someone new. Here I have been trying to heal and make sense of the whole thing. When I fall for someone, I fall hard and wear my heart on my sleeve. It is such a blow to find that the other person didn't feel the same and was able to pick up their lives so easily. I just never thought he would be that type of person. I am tired of falling for guys who end up breaking my heart and not look back.

 

First of all, this is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Yeah, tha's right. I'm not going to give you a pity party. The littlle list of things that disturbed you were actually bigger issues. Get real girl..YOU NEED A GUY ADDICTED TO PILLS AND PORN? Excuse me...WHY? You may not think you can do better but I sure as hell think you can and that man had problems! When you wake up in the morning thank the heavens above that he's someone else's problem and not yours. Next, lesson. I don't know how you heard about the ex's new girl but do yourself a favor and turn a deaf ear to anymore news. As of this moment, he's got someone else to pop his pills with and he's left you in the dust. Oh my God, you are so lucky to be rid of an addicted any body.

third lesson: The next person you fall in love with hard...IS YOURSELF. If you are tired of these kind of guys..then start loving yourself AND TRUST THAT YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THE LOSERS.

Now take that knife out your heart, and look at yourself in the mirror "I am so much better than him...he lost a fox!"

[Just Visiting]

I appreciate the responses given so far. Although it hurts knowing that he has moved on, I am realizing that it is my ego that has taken a blow. It felt good to read the posts and have what has been swimming in my head reinforced. People have said that I am beautiful person on the inside and outside and when you are rejected, it is a blow.

 

What I missed the most was the companionship with him, and the relationships I developed with his son and family. I have always wanted a family of my own and I thought we were headed that way. And when I am with someone, I allow myself to be vulnerable like Natalie has posted. I have yet to meet someone who can be vulnerable and authentic as well. It bites to realize that the person you were with isn't on the same level emotionally. But I all I can do is remind myself that it wasn't meant to be.

[cynicalnlove]

I appreciate the responses given so far. Although it hurts knowing that he has moved on, I am realizing that it is my ego that has taken a blow. It felt good to read the posts and have what has been swimming in my head reinforced. People have said that I am beautiful person on the inside and outside and when you are rejected, it is a blow.

 

What I missed the most was the companionship with him, and the relationships I developed with his son and family. I have always wanted a family of my own and I thought we were headed that way. And when I am with someone, I allow myself to be vulnerable like Natalie has posted. I have yet to meet someone who can be vulnerable and authentic as well. It bites to realize that the person you were with isn't on the same level emotionally. But I all I can do is remind myself that it wasn't meant to be.

 

Yes, if they have failed to see that you're beautiful and would rather be with someone who enjoys the secrecy of everything then let him go. remember how depressed he had made you to get over him. And you are fooling yourself to believe that something might work out. Just go out and have fun, meet new people and enjoy other companies. Love will come when you won't expect it. A family will be given to you when you're ready to let this one go.