Rebound relationships

[Nikita20]

I have a question. When an ex is immediately dating someone else after the breakup, does that mean that they were out of already out of love with you before the relationship ended?

[chocolate_boy]

Read this

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t74674/

 

It explains the science behind it.

 

I can only talk from personal experience but I once did that. Broke up with my girl of 2 years cos I believed I wasn't in love anymore (in truth I was probably just bored), and immediately got into a new relationship, for about 3 months my ex was begging me back, trying to everything she could to convince me to try again, but in my heart I wasn't feeling it.

 

I developed very strong feelings for my rebound girl (or so I thought), she was perfect in everyway, 100x better looking than my ex, outgoing (my ex was very shy) everyone loved her, came from a rather rich background, always had money to have fun with, was adventorous, great in bed, you name it, she was ms perfect.

 

Stayed with her for 3 months, in this time my ex had got a new guy (she later admitted this was only to make me jealous), I didn't bat an eye-lid, I even helped her choose an outfit for the date!!!

 

I felt fine, then it was in about March of 2003 (we split in November 2002) so around 4 months later, I hadn't heard from my ex much, so called her to see how she was doing, she seemed very passive and off with me... later that day, It felt like I didn't want to me around my new girl, and felt sad for a reason I didn't know. We both went to bed that night...

 

Next day it hit me, I woke up with heartache... it was for my ex.. oh dear.. I looked at the girl in bed with me, my new "perfect" rebound who had fallen head-over-heels for me.... and felt nothing.

 

I have never felt worse, I broke up with her that day and had to see my ex... I got a frosty response, she had fallen for her new guy and didn't want me around anymore.

 

Then I started to go through the break-up, it felt like day one.. until then I'd been numb...

 

NEVER do a rebound unless you are 110% sure you are over your ex (even though I was sure I was at the time).

 

It hurt a hundred times more than it would have if I'd just spent some time alone.

 

Plus it really screwed up the rebound girl, she had to go on anti-despressants and it ruined her life, she had to pack up and move city to get over the pain...

 

I'll never make that mistake again.

[Nikita20]

Thanks chocolate boy!! My ex is seeing someone, however, I don't know how serious it is. And, she works with him!! What an idiot!! He has no clue that I know this information.

 

Last time we spoke, which was a week ago, he indicated that he is looking for a new job because the company that he works for is going downhill. So my theory about their relationship lasting for a short period of time was shot. However, your link about the rebound relationships gave some hope. I just hope he comes to his senses before it is too late. I just have this eerie feeling that I'll never hear from him again.

 

In the meantime, I'm sticking to NC and moving on. Right now it is impossible for me to consider dating someone because I still have feelings for him and I need time to heal. This is going to take a long time, hopefully not too long.

[chocolate_boy]

Thanks chocolate boy!! My ex is seeing someone, however, I don't know how serious it is. And, she works with him!! What an idiot!! He has no clue that I know this information.

 

Last time we spoke, which was a week ago, he indicated that he is looking for a new job because the company that he works for is going downhill. So my theory about their relationship lasting for a short period of time was shot. However, your link about the rebound relationships gave some hope. I just hope he comes to his senses before it is too late. I just have this eerie feeling that I'll never hear from him again.

 

In the meantime, I'm sticking to NC and moving on. Right now it is impossible for me to consider dating someone because I still have feelings for him and I need time to heal. This is going to take a long time, hopefully not too long.

 

I'm hearing you, my current ex (she broke up with me about 7 weeks ago) is already seeing a guy she works with too (and also has no idea I know). However to me that is the last straw, and you know what, my ex of a few years ago not taking me back after my rebound tought me a valuable lesson.

 

I'd not take my recent ex back now I know she's been with someone else, and neither should you.

 

I'll tell you exactly what to do, heal yourself as I will.. if our ex's were in love with us.. stay away from them, it will come out and get them.. just like it did for me... if it doesn't then I believe they were never in love anyway, so it's all for the best.

 

If you love someone, you can't hide it, you can't just ignore it and pretend its not there and get with someone else "to get over them" it will come out I'm certain of it!

[allycatt5]

I hear you both...My ex-fiance (dated for 4 years) treated me like crap so I got up and left. All summer he beg for me back and said he changed, but I wouldn't budge. Towards the end of the summer I started to work through my pains with him and actually considered going back. We had a very close night one night, then 2 days later a hooks up with this girl he had in one of his classes and says she's perfect for him and treats him better than I ever did in the 4 years that we were together! They've been together for almost 2 months now and he says he loves her and thinks she might be the one...I can't believe that he can't see what is going on! I asked him why he did this- all he said was that I felt "cold" that one night and that was the last straw for him and HE now needed to move on! I still talk with his family all the time and they aren't too fond of the new girl. They want us back together; they keep telling me to be patient because the "rose colored glasses" will eventually wear off.

What do you all think?

Feeling hopeless and confused

[brittanyjean259]

these rebounds, are a disaster...there so sad and pathetic, and the worse karma( for those who do rebound)...thNKing they like them,,,,is waking up one day with reality strucking them so hard in the face, ...and than its to late to go back to the ex....

 

 

mine has rebounded, and it cut me up so freaking bad, its been like i give them 4 months, but im not holding done...and hoping he comes back he might not, but if he doesnt feel the pain now, he will later....

[brittanyjean259]

allycat, let him do his own thing, do not interfer .....back off and do your own thing...

 

he will realize in time that its unrealistic to be" head over heals " with some one else right away after a break up( if thats what happend).......

 

 

he will come to his senses, i know alot about rebound relationships...youve read your stories here....ive been witnessed to one( seen from a friend).....you should move on though, and not think of how his rebound might fail......but when he wakes up one day and it hits him, you might be long gone, let him mess up things for him selve...people have to learn one way or another

[ohzee]

This is an interesting topic. Interesting because, I am the rebound guy. I fell in love with a girl that took my heart into her hands and completely melted it. She is everything I have looked for in many years. This was someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with. Never a disagreement, dislike, perfection at it’s best, in every possible way. Not just by my point of view, but hers as well. Communication could not be better; in short we lived for each other. To shorten my experience a bit, Saturday we spent the day enjoying each other as we always did. Sunday morning, I called to confirm plans for the day. She said the famous words we have all heard, “we need to talk”. Apparently, her ex who she works with in the same building had been asking her back for the duration of our committed relationship. Well, she finally gave in. She decided to give him a second chance. I am devastated. That relationship had not ended completely, and required complete closure. She kindly informed me that she needed to find out for sure that it was over, before she could continue with me. She did say, I am the greatest guy she had ever been with. (Ha Ha). After weeks of, “I love you” and “we will be back together soon”, coming from her. The communication reduced to, don’t contact me, I will contact you. The truth is she moved on with him and I am left damaged and broken hearted. Having done nothing to earn this treatment, I am totally confused. With no answers as to, why... I am here trying to find answers but I find very little to comfort me. I want her back completely. But I have to accept the fact that she is not coming back. That’s the hardest part. It’s not easy being the rebound guy. It hurts just as bad if not worse. I feel all of the pain going around this forum, and then some.

[chocolate_boy]

Very harsh dude. Although I think the ones you need to worry more about are the ones that can just jump from relationship to relationship and not feel anything.

 

My ex is like that, she has never cried or felt heartache in her life she told me (and she's had 3 serious boyfriends).

[kokopuff]

Hey everybody, I'm very new here...but I have a serious story/question:

 

I've known my girlfriend since 7th grade till 11th grade, when we finally somehow went into a relationship then. There is a lot of trust between us, before and during the relationship. 2 years have passed, and we broke up while I was on vacation because I was an idiot and forgot to call her on our 2 year anniversary. We've been broken up for the past 2 months and she has been already 'involved' with someone else for the past 2 weeks. Nothing is official at this point.

 

She came back home during Thanksgiving break and on Tuesday, I literally begged her to get back with me (Which was my mistake, I know). After talking and discussing with friends and whatnot, I decided to have another small talk with her before she went back to tell her that I was going to give her some space to think things through.

 

We are still very best friends, and she has told me that I was her 'soul-mate' and that she still feels the connection between us. Everything seemed fine, both of our parents loved each other, and both families got along fine.

 

Is she just messing with my head? Is this really a rebound? Or am I waiting around for nothing? In other words...is there even a slight chance that we can get together again? I'm not exactly ready to give up this girl right now.

 

BTW, I have gone ahead and felt the need to knit her a scarf for Christmas. I'm not exactly sure if it will be a good idea...friends can give other friends scarves, right?

 

Thanks for listening everyone.

[scobro]

I have a question. When an ex is immediately dating someone else after the breakup, does that mean that they were out of already out of love with you before the relationship ended?

 

Yes!plain and simple

[chocolate_boy]

Yes!plain and simple

 

I disagree... I have been a dumper in the past, and only had a rebound once, but I GENIUNLEY did feel like I was over my ex and not in love, however as you often hear, around the 3/4 month mark that is when true feelings can come out.

 

I was numb and somehow transferred feelings onto my rebound, but after 4 months I realised I didn't love her and still had very strong feelings for my ex.. however she had moved on by then.

 

So it can take time before you figure out how you really feel, and space away from your ex can bring it out if it's there.

 

With my current ex I don't believe she ever will as she has done the same pattern with her last two ex's as she did with me, she hasn't been in love before and simply confuses infatuation with love, hence why she can move on without any feelings really.

[NoFaith05]

I think Chocolate Boy hit the nail on the head. My ex confuses infatuation with love. I think she is doomed to go from one infatuation to another- never really loving somebody, and never having her relationships go anywhere. I kind of feel sorry for her.