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He contacts me after I do NC and then disappears AGAIN!


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:36 PM   #1
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He contacts me after I do NC and then disappears AGAIN!

why do people break NC and then drop off the earth??? My ex text me and told me he loved me and missed me and always thinks of me and I wait 3 days and then make the mistake of texting him to call me and he has never responded??? WTF? Why did he even contact me to begin with? All it did was break my heart all over again! What reason would he do that?????

I know I broke NC by answering, but emotions took over. After he called, I got my hopes up again(stupidly) and then now he is gone again! Oh I hate this!


Why would he contact me at all!!! Just to mess with my heart???? Just to feed his ego?? Does he really think he loves me! He says it but look at his actions-he DOES NOT!

Sorry had to vent. Anyone have an ex call and then you respond and they disppear?????
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:41 PM   #2
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Ummmm and there is something different about this than whats been happening in the past 3 years?

Its your call to move on Beth, your willing to stay trapped in this back and forth game.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:44 PM   #3
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Well usually when he calls, we end up talking for a period of time after that(months). THen he starts ignoring me after a while.(i say that like it is ok with me???? WTF)

I am just curiuos what kind of jerk plays around with people's feelings. What kind of person am I for loving someone that does this! What could he have gotten out of that? Just to know I would still drop my life for him!!!!!

I guess I am just venting.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:55 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beth5201
1. Well usually when he calls, we end up talking for a period of time after that(months).
2. THen he starts ignoring me after a while.(i say that like it is ok with me???? WTF)
3. I am just curiuos what kind of jerk plays around with people's feelings.
4. What kind of person am I for loving someone that does this!
5. What could he have gotten out of that?
6. Just to know I would still drop my life for him!!!!!
1. That's so he can get his fill.
2. When he gets his fill, he will cut you off as usual.
3. The kind that knows he can get away with it.
4. Normal, but trapped by your own hope and wishful thinking. More people than not find themselves at the mercy of their own hearts like that. You have a lot to offer, and you know this - so you keep at it. Unfortunately, he knows too. He just isn't interested in more than taking a bit here and a bit there when he needs/wants it - and generally at your expense.
5. His fix.
6. Yup. He has to be sure his fix stays available even when he isn't particularly interested.

This will go on indefinitely, as long as you continue to allow it to happen. I'm sorry that you find yourself on the hurting end again, but hopefully you can reach a point where you will simply walk away.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:57 PM   #5
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What kind of person are you for loving a jerk like this? Probably someone with very low confidence and self esteem..

But its not all bad Beth.. these can be worked on through councelling. Im not sure if you have addressed these issues before but it must be a big reason why you act like this.

Just a thought, I dunno...

But you cant blame him any longer for making you feel like this. The ball is in your court now, and it has been for a very long time.

Make the changes or live in misery for the rest of your life..I know what id be doing
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Old 22nd September 2005, 5:59 PM   #6
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thanks. I am to a point where I do not think I even have love left for him. How can I? I am trying so hard to not reply anymore if he calls, but I know me, and I know I will crack! It would feel so great to ignore him like he does me. But I know he will then leave nice messages and be sweet and I will think "Oh he is back to himself?" (or back to who he once was pretending to be) and then I end up hurt again. I guess if I recognoze that this is a game and can predict his actions, I should be strong enough to see this and not answer! Thanks guys
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Old 22nd September 2005, 6:01 PM   #7
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I do have horrible self esteem. I know this.

I feel like him ignoring me and not talking to me and loving me means that I am not worth loving. How else am I supposed to think when someone will not talk to you and you do not kow why? Since it has happened SO many times, I think that I think this way now.That is how I think and that is why my esteem is so low. I am not sure how to fix that part.



Ihave tried therapy. I need to go back once I have insurance again. this time to fix me and not try and work on him! He is a lost cause I think.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 6:04 PM   #8
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Stop asking why he calls you ...

Ask yourself why you broke the NC and text or call him back ??

It's totally your fault that your heart hurts right now.. Not his..
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Old 22nd September 2005, 6:12 PM   #9
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I text him back out of hope and love. It is partly his fault. I would have been fine had he not contacted me.

It is almost like he knows when I start to feel better and forget him and then kows to call and reel me in again.
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Old 22nd September 2005, 6:28 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beth5201
I text him back out of hope and love. It is partly his fault. I would have been fine had he not contacted me.

It is almost like he knows when I start to feel better and forget him and then kows to call and reel me in again.
1).You are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to what you do and say
2).They are responsible for what they do and say and you are responsible for how you react to what they do and say.

It was ALL your responsibility for texting him back.. He is not at fault at all.. You are..

You need to start seeing that it is you that has the issues here..
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Old 22nd September 2005, 6:38 PM   #11
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I guess I am upset that I responded. It was a mistake. It hurts that I truly loved this man and he get his rocks off playing with the knowledge of that.

I guess I need to remember this feeling right now next time I am tempted to respond. I wish he would never contact me again. Is it bad to break NC to leave him a message to leave me alone from now on and I am not willing to speak to him anymore? Or do I just do that by not speaking to him anymore?
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Old 22nd September 2005, 7:50 PM   #12
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Beth,
If you text him asking him not to respond to you, 1) you look like a fool and 2) deep down you are hoping he will respond to you.

I wnate dto do this to my ex, but had to realize these two things. and I knew I wanted him to contact me, even if it was bad contact, such as start a fight etc, at least it would have been contact in my mind.

The best thing for you to do, is not contact him at all, AT ALL....
I have a good counsler I can recommend, in the local area, who I will probably call to see about getting counceling for my self esteem. I feel I am over the hump with my ex, but I know if he calls it will be really hard not to pick up the phone, but I'm not going to, because I know I would be back to square one.

Quit asking yourself why he called, because you already know.
Quit beating yourself up and chaulk it up as another learning experiance.

And where are you taking me to lunch?
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Old 23rd September 2005, 4:54 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beth5201
Anyone have an ex call and then you respond and they disppear?????
Yup, me. Read my old threads if you feel like it.

My ex used to do this to me. When he did not hear from me for a while, he suddenly sent me a nice text or email signing with 'love' or calling me 'sweetie'. I used to get all worked up about it, wondering what it meant and whether I should reply or not. When I finally did, he suddenly disappeared again.

Usually for a week or 10 days. Once when I took all my guts and asked him if he would like to meet up for a drink, he said 'yeah, sure' and disappeared for 6!!! weeks.

I finally figured out his little game. He was not interested in getting back together or even closer, he just wanted to know whether I was still around ready to jump at any chance for contact.

If I replied, he disappeared, if I did not, then suddenly he started contacting me more and more and calling me petnames and sounding all emotional. The moment I replied or seemed at all interested he disappeared again.

This had to go on for a few times until I realized the pattern behind it. Once I did, I was able to stick to NC for good and ignore his stupid little messages from then on.

It's been over 6 months of NC from my side now, and while it still hurts sometimes and I still think about him a lot, I feel sooo much better now than half a year ago.

What helped was that I changed my phonenumber and emailaddress. That way he was not able to contact me anymore and it is much easier to resist a message if you dont get it.

I wish you all the best, you are in a tough situation, but you can find your way out of it!
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Old 23rd September 2005, 7:08 AM   #14
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gotta be strong....that is just what he does. It is so har to not answer when he gets sweet, but like you said, I can recognize this now. Almost predict it. How long were you two together? I am glad to hear an encouraging story! Thanks. You feel better alone than with his drama right? Does he still call you?
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Old 23rd September 2005, 9:34 AM   #15
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We were together for 2.5 years. He broke up with me one year ago.

I feel sooooo much better now than when we were still in touch. He cant call anymore as I changed my phonenumber and emailaddress.

He did call my sister 3 times in the last 6 months though. I asked her to not tell me anymore when he calls, because he never has anything meaningful to say. Only informes her of how great his life is, and who needs to hear about that.

You probably dont believe it right now, but I am sure, if you completely cut him out of your life and cut off all lines of communications with him for 6 months or more, you will feel much better down the line.

If you are reluctant to draw the final line, which I was, then remember that if he REALLY wants to get in touch with you, he will find a way.
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