Need help coping with my ex seeing another guy

[dougal19]

I met a girl on the internet 3 years ago, i was 17 and she was 20 at the time we met, she was married and had a child and over time we grew close together, her marriage wasnt working out and we got closer and closer and we decided to give it a go, the only thing was is that she lived 4 hours drive away from me and with me being young and never expienced a true relationship before, i never really commited myself to the relationship, i was always saying i will come down to her town and shee eachother but when the time came i made some excuse up and she came to my house and yeah we had fun, we were good together, we shared some romantic time together and we have never had a fight we are ment for eachother or so i thought, after time we grew distant, but we still talked then about a year back i found out that she was with someone else and i felt heart broken so i talked to her and she still loved me so she got back with me but it all happend again, i didnt commit myself, and again we grew distant then about 4 months ago we got talking again on the net and for me it was going very well, i had grown up alot and i had a think about what i want to do with my life and who i want in it, and i knew she had to be in my life for me to be happy, i mean like i wanted her so much, however when i started talking to her about it she kept telling me she cant we can only be friends, but i knew there was something else but couldnt work out what, she said she still loves me more then anything but she cant be with me, at first i thought it was because i hurt her to many times in the past, but i kept on trying, then one night her sister told me she was having a baby, and it felt like a knife in my heart, she didnt tell me herself because she said she couldnt, she didnt want to hurt me, but things are different between us now, i have been going down to her town alot recently and by the looks im getting from her she still has feelings for me not sure how strong, but i did talk to her face to face and tell her how i feel and want her so much and if she would give me just one more chance i will move down with her a.s.a.p, she said she would think about it, but she is still saying we can only be mates but she said she loves me, her boyfriend is in the army and dont see eachother that much, i see her more, i have been there alot in the past couple on months, but tomorrow he is back for 2 weeks and its really painful for me to think of him touching, cuddling and kissing her, when i cant talk to her on the phone becuase he is there thats when i drink alot of alchol to help me forget, however everytime i go down and see her it gets really hard for me, sometimes she will say stuff and i will know what she means e'g she loves me, she miss's me but then other times im not to sure, tonight she said she aint looking forward to seeing him, can people please help me, advise me anything that will help!!! thanks