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Accepted the situation...trying to move on


Justin_c

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Well after posting my situation, taking into consideration your advice, taking into account the differences of what my ex has told me and told her friends and my friends I have finally accepted the fact that I need to move on. Its so hard. I really dont WANT to. How do I make myself do something I dont want to. Seeing a couple together, hearing a song with any romantic reference instantly shifts my thoughts to her. I hate it. I physically hurt and have trouble eating and getting to sleep. I haven't called her in a day and a half so I have been strong there. I did respond her to instant messege today which was stupid! I asked what she was doing and said she was on the phone with "Jason", the guy she met a couple weeks ago whom is probably gonna be my replacement. God it hurts so bad and I wish I could just cry but I cant, I am just aching and sore and want to just explode. Everything is compounding. Im at a new a new university where I know like 5 people but they all have there own things going on so its hard to get out and do things. I just wanted to get some of my thoughts out to help me feel better. Well, good luck to anybody else enduring the same thing....

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Hey Justin,

 

Just wanted to let you know I'm in a similar boat as you. Both of our ex's are young (mine's 18, I'm 19). Just stay strong, focus on yourself, and forgive her as best as you can. Go with limited contact to heal yourself, trust me.

 

I'm in 3 weeks limited contact (she contacts me, I never contact her) and its helped me a lot. In those periods of rational thinking, I can see that perhaps this is a good thing. This is the period of our lives where we become the people we will become for the rest of our lives. Its better to explore young and single than old and married.

 

Stay strong, forgive both you and her, and keep moving. Limited Contact, and start playing the field yourself. Make sure you take the lead here, as I've seen 4 out of 4 cases on LS (myself included) where the girl (of course ;)) had NO idea what she was feeling.

 

EDIT : I still think this is a girls' thing! Lostinmymind, Eddpadd, you, and I can attest to that!

 

EDIT EDIT: I swear you will feel so much more mature after you begin healing. Trust me on that.

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Thanks a ton rocko. Its good to hear that somebody that has experienced something simliar is making it through okay. I know in the long rong it wont be a big deal but right now its living hell. I am definately not mad at her just at the situation. (I posted the whole story in breaking up section) Although I still want nothing more than to be with her, I just need to get out there and experience new people because you're right, we are young!

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Make sure you do not stay as her safety net! She has to experience life without your love! I totally understand how you're mad at the situation (I am as well with my situation) but I promise you, there will be some days when you hate her. DO NOT CONTACT HER ON THOSE DAYS!!!!!! You will regret it for as LONG AS YOU LIVE! I'm currently going through one of those anger days and am doing my best to keep her out of my way.

 

Sometimes it takes pain to make us get where we are going in life.

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I'm sorry you are going through this. It is hard to let go when you still love someone so much. There is just no way out of it but through it unfortunately. Allow yourself to grieve, feel your pain (I know guys have a hard time with this).

 

Don't call her when you are feeling weak and vulnerable. Just sit with it or share it with someone who understands. Come here to LS if that's the only place you can find support.

 

You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you. One day you will look back and be grateful that you aren't with her anymore - even though its hard to see that now.

 

{{{Hugs}}}}

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Hey man i feel your pain. my ex and have been broken up for 3 months now. its been hell. hard to sleep, eat, ive lost 20 pounds. I can barely go out with my buddies and enjoy myself. but ill tell you this when we first broke up i was literally a mess. crying 24/7, not eating, staying home. but as time move on you will get better. I thought i would never feel normal again, i thought i could never experience what i had. but you know what im sort of doing ok, not perfect but getting better, and you will be to. My best advice is to go out, meet new ppl...talk to girls, not necesarily hook up just talk and meet them. go on a date, hook up with sumbody, trust me it helps. you will get through this, it just takes time. ps my girls younger to, shes 17 im 18...

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Hey Justin,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I was in your shoes last year and I know it sucks. But time heals all things and if you do NC you will succeed in getting over her and moving on. I suggest you read my NC success story on the thread called Life Goes On. Maybe it will give you some positive inspiration. Good luck and keep being strong. It will pay off. :laugh:

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Thanks you all for your support and sharing your experiences, it really does help. The only question I have is should I just go totally no contact? In may be hard at first but in the long run will it be better? I dont want to lose her has a friend but I guess right now I need to concentrate on healing and getting over things?

Thanks again,

 

Justin

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Yeah you cant be in a friendship at the moment, unless you totally have no feelings for her at all!

 

Dissapear off her planet for a few months and when your feelin better maybe then you can be friends.. but in all hounesty dont count on it, cause she might not wanna know you at all by then...

 

It seems to work in phases, when you just break up you hear from em every few days..then after a while you hear from em every few weeks...then all of a sudden you barely hear from em at all...

 

Unfortunatley when they meet someone they fall for you become yesterdays news

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Justin,

You will be ok, you made the right choice ven though it may not feel like it from time to time. I hurts like heck right now, but you are a strong smart young man, and you will find someone else, when you are ready, who will appreciate you....

I didn't WANT to let my ex boyfriend go either, but I also knew something wasn't right and was eventually going to bring me down, something was missing. It hurt like heck the first few months, but I am doing better now and finally enjoying life again, and you will to one day.

Best of luck, stay strong.

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