sundrop Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Hey Everybody. Just kind of venting right now. So ticked off, trying not to call him and cuse him out. It's been 2 months since I ended it with my boyfriend of three years, I wanted more and he said he wasn't ready and didn't know if he would be. So anyway I was out by the pool with some friends of mine, enjoying my holiday and I get a call from my friend. She says that my ex had just gotten off the phone with her. She goes on to say that he was worried about me, and she said I was doing fine. He goes on to ask about my dad, who was sick and she said he was doing much better. Well he proceeds to talk to her a little more about me and he basically said to her that I was doing good and trying to move on, and that I realized that even though he wasn't a bad person that he couldn't give me what I wanted, and he said that he felt as if I was pushing him into more than a realtionship and giving me a answer about the future and she said that after all i had given to the relationship that I did deserve an answer. I'm just so mad as to why he called her. If he's so concerned about me, why not call me? Just so ticked off right now. Is he just trying to prompt me to call him and ask him what the hell? I'm not calling his friends, why is he calling mine? It just makes me so mad. He also said that his neighbors said I was stalking his house. Yes, I went by there a time or two to pick up a few things that he had set outside for me in his carport and yes the neighbor did see me, I waived ad he waived back. And my friend told him, you can choose to beleive what people say and take them for what they are worth, or you know who Sundrop and the person she is so you decide..... I was doing so good and now this.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Aaaah, he misses you! He called your friend to remind you of his existence and not let you move on. Had he called you, it would have been your victory. But he is still not ready. Keep NC! It's him or you now. If he loves you and can't live without you, he will look for you. About 6 months should be enough for him to decide. After 6 months or so consider him lost. But not forever. If you ressurect your relationship in a certain amount of time from now (after he gets disappointed in other women), he will marry you. Don't call him and don't compromise if you want it to be your way. Date other people and tell your GF to tell him next time that you're doing great and dating soem guy. Not That you're trying to move on and you deserve an answer from him. What kind of friend is that? She shouldn't have interfered. She should have answered his questions with "yes" and "no" and politely excuse herself for not being able to tell him anything more. Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 HI sundrop, I think you replied in my thread. As you know my ex did a similar thing, in my case he called my sister, 10 months after the breakup and 1 year after he last spoke to her. I was as angry and confused as you, and contemplated asking him what the hell this is all about. To gauge his reaction I sent him a forwarded mail. All I got was a simple 'good to see you are still alive' message. So I broke NC after 5 months for this!!! I guess it is unnecessary for me to mention that I regret doing this. He obviously was not interested in getting back together, but just wanted to know what's going on in my life. I have since stopped all contact with him (meaning that I dont check the email anymore that he contacted me at), and I also told my sister to not tell me in case he contacts her again. I cant say if your circumstances are the same as mine, but just wanted to let you hear from someone who was in a similar situation. My advice would be to just ignore him until he contacts you directly and has something meaningful to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 Thanks for your thoughts. It took everything I had not to call hima cuse last night. My friend called him back last night, and told him not to contact her anymore, because it put her in a tough spot and it was very inappropriate for him to contact her. My friend didn't give him any information on me and she was really in shock that he called her. I guess she was his last line of communication to me. I'm trying not to contact him at all, so he will have to wonder if she told me anything. I don't want him to know he got under my skin. Because He may try to do it again. Thanks again for all your thoughts, It really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 Sundrop, Either way if his intentions were good or bad, do you really want to be with someone who can't simply talk directly to you? It shows me that this guy is quite immature.......don't call him cause I am unsure as to whether you are truly upset at his contacting your friend or in someway secretly hopeful that he wants to rekindle with you and this would be an excuse to contact him. Realize that if he wants you he will come to you and say it. Until then all they are doing is games. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 We are all full of faults and make mistakes all the time. What's so terrible about calling a friend? It's unusual but certainly not a reason to forget someone. If he were interested in the friend he wouldn't have talked about you with her. Is this friend super-sexy? Did he ask her to hang out sometime? Probably not. In any case, the friend shouldn't have called him afterwards to tell him "don't call me again!" If he called again, she could have told him she couldn't talk to him and he shouldn't call her anymore. This is becoming way too much between him and the friend (not in teh romantic way), but it may harm you. Just tell her not to call him and if he calls her to be KIND and POLITE, but excuse herself and not answer any of his questions. If she treats him like a piece of sh*t, he will consider it as your extended behavior. You want the guy IN your life, not OUT of your life. Moreover he could see it this way 'if you're hanging out with rude women then you approve such behavior.' It's true that he is definitely not ready if he is not calling you directly. But he is half ready if he called your friend. he loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 6, 2005 Author Share Posted September 6, 2005 My friend has a side buisness and he bought a few things from her right before our break up and he wanted to pay her for those items but didn't have his info available to give her for payment. Then he proceeded to tell her all the rumors about me, and how he was real concerned. So I don't think he is interested in her in that way, and she is about to get married in March and she has te best relationship with her fiance'. Well I called BS on the concerned part, because if he was that concerned he would have called me. We were still on limited contact. and two weeks ago I had a family emergancy and he helped my family out, so if he was that concerned about me and all the rumors my exhusband was spreading about me I think he would have called me. I also find it very interested that we have been broken up for two months now and he is still asking people about me. because he just met this person who knew my exhusband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 I haven't called him yet and I don't think that I will. I am calmed down a little bit since all this has unfolded. But am really mad at him, for 1) calling my friend and 2) entertaining the idea of vicous rumors going around about me as being potentially true. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 You dumped him didnt you? He probably feels he has absolutley no right calling you! Have you even let him know that he has permission to call you? Sorry im just a lil confused ( Dont know the whole story ).... But if I was the one dumped I wouldnt be calling you direct either..That would be your job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 Yes, I did break up with him, BUT we have seen each other once since the break up, when I had a family emergancy and we have had limited contact on the phone and through text, so we have been communitcating on an adult level. (I'm 31). So That's why I am so confused as to why he called her and not me if he was so concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Stick with NC! He prob was shocked that you have not called and wanted to kow what was up and tried to get info fro mthe friend. Try and not call! What would you accomplish by calling? Nothing. He will just have the control back. DO NOT GIVE HIM THAT. He is prob freaking that you are not chasing him so he thinks you have moved and thinks"ohh no she is not after me anymore?" and wants to get you back to chasing him.......please do not call! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 I haven't called, I dont want him to know how bad he got under my skin. I'm just so ticked that he would call my friend to see if the rumors my exhusband was spreading was true or not and not call me, to get clairifaction. He beleived or wanted to beleive a total stranger, and why was he bringing my name up after two months? This makes me beleive he was snooping on me? I used to run with the rodeo crowed that is very small crowd and my ex boyfrend knew this, so why was he with this crowd, he never wanted to go to a rodeo or anything with me. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Sundrop, I am not so sure why you are so ticked......is it because you feel he may have believed some BS that has been said about you or that he could not just call you to ask? My feelings are is that he still cares for you, didn't believe any of that garbage and just chose to use it to touch base and find out more about you from your friend....why didn't he come to you???? Because he is not ready to go down that route yet and thought this was a baby step for him....this is different that doing things for you or your family. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 7, 2005 Share Posted September 7, 2005 Is he just trying to prompt me to call him and ask him what the hell? yes...he obviously misses you otherwise he would not do or say these things... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 7, 2005 Author Share Posted September 7, 2005 Thanks Everybody, I really appriciate your advice, comments and thoughts. I am so glad I have everybody here to vent to and get good advice from. I guess I got so ticked, because I thought my exhusband was in my past. And I felt really hurt because I thought my exboyfriend was bigger than all of this and to find out someone you have built up in your head has come crashing down hurts. Right now I am more disappointed than anything in my exboyfriend. And really any thought of getting back together has been shattered in my mind. Better I know this about him now than later. I know he has trust issues and is insecure, but I guess now his issues are bigger than what I thought they were. Thanks again. I love you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 Just venting. he called my friend again, saying that he doesn't beleive what people are saying about me and that he wants to find out who is starting this and wants them to stop. Why? So he can be my knight in shining armour? Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Sundrop, My feelings are is that he still cares for you, didn't believe any of that garbage and just chose to use it to touch base and find out more about you from your friend....why didn't he come to you???? Because he is not ready to go down that route yet and thought this was a baby step for him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 I'm trying not to call him and cuse. Trying trying trying. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Do you want him back sundrop? I am unsure based on your posts..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 I did until this started and now it makes me wonder... I don't think he is the person I thought I know and love. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 Call him then and curse him out for his behavior. What do you care how he takes it.....get it off your chest! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 The sad thing is, I don't want him to know that it is bothering me this bad. He doesn't know that I know this yet.... I know if I call him and cuse him then I will feel better for a day or two and then will feel like a fool, because he knew he got to me. Does that make since? My friend says he is lonely and has nothing better to do than to focus on this. But why? I would love to know why, does this mater so much to him, what two people he met in a bar say about me? I guess one day I may find out. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 1. He wants you back, but is not ready to marry you YET! 2. DON'T CALL HIM NO MATTER WHAT! JUST WAIT AND HE WILL BE YOURS! Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted September 8, 2005 Share Posted September 8, 2005 rp, She doesnt want him back anymore.......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sundrop Posted September 8, 2005 Author Share Posted September 8, 2005 I just don't see him in the same light anymore, righ now. He would have to have a really good explaination as to why he is doing what he is doing. He says he wants to stop these vicious romurs, but does he not understand if he keeps asking about them, he is just stirring them up and keeping them alive? If he doesn't beleive them he should just drop it and walk away.. I mean we are adults, I thought he knew how to handle things like this. Just really disapointed now. I expected this from my exhusband, not from my exboyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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