The 5 Stages of Grief

[Mac0908]

For all of us going through a breakup, I thought this would be helpful to look at, and to share where exactly everyone is, how long they were in each phase, and how they eventually got to acceptance and then fully healed.

 

Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage, individuals believe the situation is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.

 

Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".

 

Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid the cause of pain. Usually, a negotiation begins where they bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back." Or: "If only he'd come back to life, I'd promise to be a better person!"

 

Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"; "My life sucks"

In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.

 

Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I am ok with moving on"

In this last stage, individuals embrace the inevitable future.

[TeddyPSmith]

I am 6 weeks into the breakup

 

The first 3 weeks we were still in contact with both of us waffling on what we wanted. There was definitely some denial on my part.

 

Starting week 3 she dropped the hammer and there was no more denial. This started intense anxiety and some depression.

 

The last 3 weeks have contained mixtures of bargaining (praying, “I’d do anything to get her back).

 

Denial: “there might still be a chance” bc of minuscule things that I take as breadcrumbs

 

depression: crying multiple times a day, wanting to sleep it all away, hours combing through relationship forums.

 

anger: “she will never get better than me!”, “she was the worst girlfriend I’ve ever had”...then anger at myself for not doing more.

 

Acceptance: only had two VERY brief moments of this that came after some ugly cries.

 

It’s all basically an amalgam of all the stages for me. Feels like it’s gettint worse most of the time. The whole world seems like **** to me. But these brief moments of peace, as fleeting as they are, show some promise of a better time in the future

[Beachead]

For all of us going through a breakup, I thought this would be helpful to look at, and to share where exactly everyone is, how long they were in each phase, and how they eventually got to acceptance and then fully healed.

 

Denial – The first reaction is denial. In this stage, individuals believe the situation is somehow mistaken, and cling to a false, preferable reality.

 

Anger – When the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue, they become frustrated, especially at proximate individuals. Certain psychological responses of a person undergoing this phase would be: "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"; "Why would this happen?".

 

Bargaining – The third stage involves the hope that the individual can avoid the cause of pain. Usually, a negotiation begins where they bargain or seek compromise. For instance: "I'd give anything to have him back." Or: "If only he'd come back to life, I'd promise to be a better person!"

 

Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"; "My life sucks"

In this state, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time mournful and sullen.

 

Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I am ok with moving on"

In this last stage, individuals embrace the inevitable future.

 

Great post!

 

I just want to mention that these stages won't always arrive to us sequentially. They may come in bundles together in random order at times. For example: You may feel bargaining and denial at the same time with a twinge of anger. Or you may feel denial and anger or just denial. Then it might just be anger alone. Then you might go into depression with bargaining or depression alone. But overall, the average movement will be in a downward direction towards acceptance with acceptance always being the end. It may take a few months or it may take 2 years and simply depends on you and the nature of your relationship.

[Fair]

There's another stage that's overlooked. Anxiety. When I lost two family members back to back last March and May I developed an anxiety/panic disorder, which I'm still dealing with. It was a surprise to me to find out it's grief related. Google it and you will find out why.

[Mac0908]

There's another stage that's overlooked. Anxiety. When I lost two family members back to back last March and May I developed an anxiety/panic disorder, which I'm still dealing with. It was a surprise to me to find out it's grief related. Google it and you will find out why.

 

Personally I just feel like anxiety is mixed in with all the parts, even a little bit during acceptance.

[Mac0908]

 

depression: crying multiple times a day, wanting to sleep it all away, hours combing through relationship forums.

 

 

I think it all depends on how you USE these forums. If you're coming on here to vent and wine its a vicious cycle that will only enable more depression. Same situation goes for in therapy. If you're coming here to get some feelings out and learn and look for support, then that's all good IMO. It's ok to be sad and it's ok to cry IMO. That's part of healing. But it's not ok to relive what happened or looking for endless answers on how to get him/her back if its really over, which in most cases, it is.

[TeddyPSmith]

I think it all depends on how you USE these forums. If you're coming on here to vent and wine its a vicious cycle that will only enable more depression. Same situation goes for in therapy. If you're coming here to get some feelings out and learn and look for support, then that's all good IMO. It's ok to be sad and it's ok to cry IMO. That's part of healing. But it's not ok to relive what happened or looking for endless answers on how to get him/her back if its really over, which in most cases, it is.

 

 

Sometimes it takes a little venting and whining to come to the realization that it's, in fact, over. I'm actually more skeptical of some of the comments I see coming from people that are obviously scorned and bitter and probably don't have much business giving advice.

[Kristine]

Went through anger now in depression. Can't want to get through it, but I really loved him and miss his body it was so sexy. If he asked me back I'd go in a minute. I'm on-line dating now and it's helping some by keeping my mind busy but I don't like any of them and I was getting a lot of hits on this website.