Jump to content

First 100-Days Of No Contact - Day-By-Day Progress


JP2015

Recommended Posts

Day 1:

 

As relationships end I have realized that many do not have the strength to immediately go into NC, myself included. After periods of time avoiding communication entirely, 10-days being the longest thus far, I have succumbed to responding to what is commonly referred to as breadcrumbs. These responses have been met with high hopes, but each time have resulted in more pain.

 

Today I have made the decision to no longer respond to these crumbs, while requesting that all communication on her part be terminated unless the contact is with an openness to rekindle a relationship, for now the third time, maybe third time would really be a charm.

 

I am going to use this thread to hold me accountable for the following:

 

- Staying true to my word and not breaking NC

 

- Give an insight to the healing process for those currently and in the future experiencing heartbreak

 

Over the next 100-days I will post each day with a brief summary of how I am feeling, as well as include any temptations that I may have had to break my promise to myself of no contact.

 

I am going to let go of hope entirely that I will be reached out to; however, if that scenario were to occur I will add the incident to this 100-day journal.

 

I hope that by the end of this that I will have not only healed and became a better man, but that this will also be a piece of writing that can help others through a hard time.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like a good plan...

 

Except, I think it's a bad idea to leave communication open with the vague possibility that you might hear from her if she wants to rekindle. I think it will slow down your healing process as some part of the back of your mind will be holding on to that hope that you hear from her (which you've already indicated you're hoping for in your post). Letting go of that hope completely will speed up the recovery. I would suggest you block her.

 

For me it's been almost 3 months since my breakup. She was hugely torn about leaving, and for most of that 3 months I got lots of breadcrumbs hinting at a return. I had lots of 1 - 2 week no contact periods with contact in between. Always her breaking the NC, not me. She even managed to circumvent me blocking her at one point by using an app I forgot I had installed.

 

I'm now 16 days NC and this time I don't even have her phone number. She normally would have broken NC by now, but she hasn't. I feel like this NC is "the one" and knowing that has really helped me in my healing process.

 

I say all that just to reiterate that I think it really helps to have some finality. Rather than holding on to lingering hopes.

 

Best of luck and I look forward to seeing your updates!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

sdraw108,

 

Congratulations on making it 16-days so far, that's awesome to hear, and it must have been a difficult time for you to have to deal with the variations of leaving you with breadcrumbs.

 

I understand what you are saying as well, regarding letting go of all hope; however, at this time the way I am feeling has me holding on to some type of hope. Not that I want things to pick off where they where, I know that relationship is over, but that if God's plan is to bring us back together than it will happen in the future and only if she truly pursues me without the breadcrumb game.

 

I'm sure that as these 100-days go by my outlook on the situation will begin to change, but as for the moment I just want to feel through all of my emotions and stay strong and true to my promises.

Edited by JP2015
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 2:

 

Throughout this process I have realized that being my own boss is a curse for breakups, it is far too easy to lose focus and dwell on emotions or constantly search the web for answers and hope. Each day this has become easier, maybe because I am running out of threads, but it has not been without conscious effort.

 

Everyone seems to also give the same advice, to focus on YOU, which I believe to be the best solution; however, this is far easier said than done. Today I decided to take action in order to force myself into this habit. I am a list-making type of person so maybe this will help others whom set goals for themselves this way.

 

Before I explain what I have done I want to state that I am not doing this in an effort to 'win' back the ex, but rather to be a better prepared individual for my next relationship. I thought for a few hours about everything that my ex would complain about or actions taken by me that lead to disagreements; I developed a 4-point list:

 

- Relationship Skills (communication, etc.)

- Insecurities (neediness, etc.)

- Laziness (stopped trying to grow my business)

- Physical Appearance (dressing down and stopped working out)

 

During this 100-day journal I am going to force myself to spend a minimum of 1-hour per day addressing each of the points. I can't see anything except progression coming from this additional dedication and can feel my focus moving from the breakup towards becoming a better partner.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Before I explain what I have done I want to state that I am not doing this in an effort to 'win' back the ex, but rather to be a better prepared individual for my next relationship. I thought for a few hours about everything that my ex would complain about or actions taken by me that lead to disagreements; I developed a 4-point list:

 

- Relationship Skills (communication, etc.)

- Insecurities (neediness, etc.)

- Laziness (stopped trying to grow my business)

- Physical Appearance (dressing down and stopped working out)

 

Having been in your position a few months ago and seeing that you see the importance of actually implementing changes rather than just thinking about them, is so good! For me, it was the moment when i started to feel more and more indifferent. Of course, I still miss her. But the energy and time i am putting into myself so i can primarily be a better me and achieve my goals, but also be a better partner in the future is so rewarding.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 3:

 

I am catching myself thinking about her more and more frequently, this always seemed to happen the first few days I went NC, and I know that it will pass.

 

On a positive note I am also starting to see more and more that although I had issues; I was really good to her and her daughter, and truly put their happiness and needs before my own on a regular basis.

 

Maybe in time this will be more recognized and appreciated by my ex or maybe it won't, but today I can at least smile and have less regrets than before.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 4:

 

Stayed busy with friends and really haven’t thought about everything much. This is the first day in as long as I can remember where even if I do think about her I can do so without hurting.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 5:

 

Ended up waking up today sad and missing her a lot. At the moment I kind of wish I played along friendly with the breadcrumbs received, just to have some sort of contact from her. However, I realize this would only be bargaining and it’s not aligned at all with what I want.

 

Letting go of people you love is brutal, but I know I need to stay strong and not break NC, heal completely, and just let time run it’s course whatever that outcome may be.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 6:

 

The first week is almost here, and that always feels like an accomplishment. Just for the record the official ending was Jan 1. I'm glad I decided to use this thread because I still 'research' reconciliations and you can always find ones that suggest a variety of timetables to break NC.

 

No matter what experts are suggesting, I really believe that for them to be successful the dumper needs to make the first move (unless people by chance run into each other) and both people need to have moved on entirely as well as grown as a people for an actual fresh start. This mindset has been putting me in a better place realizing that even if we were to jump back into things it would not be lasting and would fairly quickly lead to the same result.

 

Hope everyone reading this has a great start to the week, take care.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 7:

 

Really looking for a reason to reach out today and hoping people on here can help me stick to no contact. Valentine’s Day is making this difficult.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
Day 7:

 

Really looking for a reason to reach out today and hoping people on here can help me stick to no contact. Valentine’s Day is making this difficult.

 

 

 

Well, what would you say?

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
Just that I am thinking about you today and that I hope everything is going well.

 

 

 

so, just a text to see if you get a reaction.

 

 

No. Just no.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
so, just a text to see if you get a reaction.

 

 

No. Just no.

 

I’m going to stick with no contact, and keep the 100-day promise to myself, but my question would be, if ever, what would be the right reason to contact?

Link to post
Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile
I’m going to stick with no contact, and keep the 100-day promise to myself, but my question would be, if ever, what would be the right reason to contact?

 

 

 

Worry about that after the 100 days. Not now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Worry about that after the 100 days. Not now.

 

You are absolutely right. Thank you for the quick response, I’m glad I didn’t do anything that I would end up regretting and really happy I have this thread to turn to. Please feel free to comment on days like this, I really appreciate the support from others during this time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

This is why I gave up day counting on all fronts years ago(NC,drinking,dieting,ect..) To me, it's all a countdown/up to 'then what?' and keeps you holding on to the tiniest sliver of 'false' hope. If you go NC..Go FULL ASS NO CONTACT with no endgame, because the game is already over. That's just my outlook. :cool:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
To me, it's all a countdown/up to 'then what?' and keeps you holding on to the tiniest sliver of 'false' hope.

 

I completely understand where you are coming from, and the thought has crossed my mind as well. Given this particular situation, it has been on-and-off for a while, and there have been times on both our parts where we agreed we needed to take a significant break from each other due to the hardships we initially went through, this can be seen on my other thread; however, neither of us really stuck to it and despite what either party said we did have a deep bond between us that drew us back.

 

I am really starting to become a complete person again, and this former partner stuck by my side and believed in me for a while that I would get it all together; she saw my at my absolute worst.

 

I do not want any type of continuation of the previous relationship I was involved in, it is time for that to be completely moved on from and I accept that. At the same time when I reach a point of self-fulfillment and indifference on the overall outcome of the situation I wouldn't mind reaching out to see if anything is still there. This is where I am currently at with the 'then what' concept and in time it could entirely change; I guess the next 93-days will provide the answer.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, hope all is well with you today. So, how's the no contact, posting online everyday stuff, working out after your first week? Reading your posts almost takes me back to Dec. 25th and my first week of NC (except I didn't know that was what was going on--had never heard of NC before the end of last year...whoops!), all over again.

Hang in there if NC is what needs to be done so that you can get your ducks all in a row once again. I guess posting in the forums is as good a place as any to get feedback as you are transitioning mentally/emotionally/physically out of a relationship and into your new and improved future self. It has been helping me too, as I post here and there in these forums. It is good to just get it out, ya know?

I am attempting to encourage your efforts but if it seems lackluster, I apologize-I don't know about the rest of the nation, but it is sure gloomy outside here in south Texas, blah!

Just wanted to say hello, sometimes it helps if you get a friendly, random hello (I freaked one of the clerks out in Walmart a few months back when he said something I had been waiting 5 months for my ex to say to me while we were dating "Can I help you with that?" and I teared up and said "Thank You, Yes!" and gave him a quick hug-but now, the clerk and I are like old friends when I visit Walmart!) Anyways, I remember the first week when he went ninja NC on me, and I feel your pain...I remember constantly just, like, every single stupid minute of the day--he was still there in my mind--it was agonizing. And to be honest with you, almost 2 months later--it took me getting out and trying to meet a new friend for me to start blowing cold in my thoughts toward my ex...thank goodness the man was kind and had manners--but meeting him showed me that I still have a LOT of work to do on myself--I'm pretty sure I may never finish in this lifetime! LOL. Oh well. So, keep going forward, some days will be better than others, some days worse...but, it does get better. You can't put a price on peace of mind and having the guts to pick up the broken pieces of your heart and life and put them back together, stronger and more beautiful than ever. That's not supposed to sound so girly, but coming from a girl, well, that is how my suggestions/comments tend to sound. Take care. Keep it going, you are getting better each day, even if it isn't always apparent at the moment!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Hang in there if NC is what needs to be done so that you can get your ducks all in a row once again.

 

Thank you for taking the time to write all of that. Luckily I live in a place with perfect weather year round, and can run my dog on the cliffs a few times a day and that really helps.

 

This is something that I know needs to happen, I don't really recognize who I am right now; I lost myself a lot during the past few years and that began over a year before I even met this woman. People on here may call me pathetic for my current stance on attempting to reestablish communication at the end of this time period, but I would rather never look back with regrets of not seeing how things would be when I am in a good place and beginning to live to my potential. However, I will promise myself that before that day arrives, I will be in an emotional place where if I hear no response that I am not affected in the least bit.

 

Would be interested in hearing thoughts on that, and if anyone else gave things one last 'no regret' type shot when they were in a better place.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey there JP. I'm proud of your progress! Keep it up! I know it's hard right now, the first few weeks or months are always hard... but day by day, you will thank yourself for being stronger than yesterday. Stay no contact. 100 days from now, you will thank yourself for doing this. I promise. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep it up! Don't be hard on yourself if you find you're feeling really down all of a sudden, it's normal and all part of the process. I'm coming up to 2 and a bit months NC and although there are days its bad, there's an overall upward trend in how i feel. Stick with it, ride the waves and you will be fine!

 

Heck I thought Valentines day would be bad, especially knowing she's celebrating it with her new man. But it's been fine! Went to uni, did some studying, now off to the gym before my friends birthday celebrations tonight.

 

I stuck with it and now I'm benefitting. You will too:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Day 8:

 

The infamous Valentine's Day. I am going to do my best to not think about what she is doing in the least bit and just stay busy with work. In reality whatever she does chose to do is none of my business.

 

Almost 10% of the way to my goal, I know by the end of this I will know the best next steps, but going to take things day-by-day until then.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I am finding myself checking this frequently and I think it has me dwelling on the breakup more so than actually moving on. Counting days really does take a toll.

 

This relationship ended roughly 6-weeks ago and I think I am in a much better place knowing that I will be ok and that I have grown and made plenty of positive changes in my life.

 

Saying this, I am going to take a break from regularly updating this and really give it my all to put this in my past and live my life without having to reminisce on the past daily.

 

To all those that were following and commenting, thank you, the support will not be forgotten. For those that stumble on this, just know sometimes the best thing to do it completely let go and be happy on your own. Give everything time and it will all become clear. Below is a link that I think will brighten anyone's day.

 

enjoytheride

 

PS - Smile and enjoy the ride, you only have one go at this, don't let someone else keep you from smiling.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...