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thoughts


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 6th February 2018, 1:29 PM   #1
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thoughts

So it's been a while since I have posted on here, since my break up with my "first love". I'd like to say I am over it or at least close to over it. There is no desire anymore to want to be with her and no loving feelings felt when i see pictures of her. Back in December I did get the pit in my stomach feeling, but that was because she had come out of no where and started walking up me and my friends ass on the way to class.

I had no clue if she had any intentions because she was talking on the phone with the new guy which I had became aware after reaching out because she has saw me with another girl and started doing strange **** on the girls Insta. Given what happened previously I messaged her poietly saying the girl was just a friend. (It was a mistake to say anything) She ended up flipping put on me and told me I was starting stuff. So hearing that I had said If you don't care than I don't need to say more was just making sure. She continued to flip out so ended the conversation and just blocked her.

Anyways, 8 months in after my break up I truly realized how bad my relationship was with her. In a way I question myself on why I thought I could fix it after she tried leaving me for an ex. I knew I was unhappy at that point but I think I became so attached so soon so it made it hard to leave, not metion in a way I sacrificed a lot of my other relationships so I had really no where to go.

At this point In a way I sort of feel lost on what to do now. I'm not hung up on this girl anymore wanting to go back, nor do I really have any interest anymore in pursuing new woman. I have talked to a few new girls since but for the most part it's more of the same. Girls who cheat, hung up on there ex, and what not. I rather not make same mistake twice. I also have realized this relationship I think might have turned me off from future ones. It seems now that I reverted to a more loner lifestyle and haven't really pursued meeting new people. Tried a few months back but welcome the wrong type into my life. One kid ended up trying to use me for money and got locked up in the pych ward.

Anyways life is sort of boring at the moment as I only have a couple of real friends who have been around since I was 13. Most of time consist of school work gym hw and repeat. I spend most weekends playing video games and staying in. I also think I had a hard time letting go of that girl is because it gave me a social life and some excitement even though it was not of the good kind. Regardless, with that being said I have become sort of content with this lifestyle as it much easier and less drama, although it is boring.

I recently decided to take off a year of school to pursue joining the Marine corps reserve. Anyways, I'm just curious on what you guys think of the way I have been thinking recently
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Old 6th February 2018, 4:47 PM   #2
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I think you're fine. For me, the stages of a break-up always go like this:

  1. Devastated; unable to function.
  2. Depressed but getting on with life again; gradually start to enjoy things.
  3. No remaining feelings for the ex; glad to be single.
  4. No longer glad to be single; Actively looking to meet someone.

You're in stage 3! Congratulations. You will reach stage 4 when you're ready.

I'm currently in stage 2, and experiencing the same boredom, loneliness, and lack of social life that you are describing. The solution is to try to make more friends, rather than try to date (until you get to stage 4). In the last month I've started making extensive use of Meetup.com and I'm really having a great time with it.

Last edited by sdraw108; 6th February 2018 at 4:50 PM..
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Old 6th February 2018, 5:52 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sdraw108 View Post
I think you're fine. For me, the stages of a break-up always go like this:

  1. Devastated; unable to function.
  2. Depressed but getting on with life again; gradually start to enjoy things.
  3. No remaining feelings for the ex; glad to be single.
  4. No longer glad to be single; Actively looking to meet someone.

You're in stage 3! Congratulations. You will reach stage 4 when you're ready.

I'm currently in stage 2, and experiencing the same boredom, loneliness, and lack of social life that you are describing. The solution is to try to make more friends, rather than try to date (until you get to stage 4). In the last month I've started making extensive use of Meetup.com and I'm really having a great time with it.
I'll have to try it out, I just turned 21 so now I'm actually able to go places. I'm a pretty social person and don't have a problem talking to people, it just that it's hard trying to become friends with people who are in there late 20s early 30s. That's majority of my community college. The other thing is when trying to make new friends recently with people my age it just went really bad. My friends are aware of this problem I have with attracting the wrong crowd. I don't know what it is about me. I'm not neccisarly lonely, but sort of just bored. A while back I was super lonely cuz I became accustomed to someone always being there but now I'm kinda of adjusting back to the way I was in high school with being more reserved (if you'd call it that)
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