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Saw his new girl leave his place - lost it!


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 28th January 2018, 3:46 PM   #31
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Y'all think I'm tripping, but...

Was walking down the street on Friday - maybe Thursday - and saw ex. Didn't smile or anything, he waved. What is he not getting about not acknowledging me in public? Feel this is so rude.
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Old 28th January 2018, 6:42 PM   #32
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I donít think he could do anything that you would view as appropriate. I have a sense that if he didnít acknowledge you that you would be posting about that as well.
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Old 28th January 2018, 7:30 PM   #33
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Wow. I *really* thought I had moved on. Apparently not.

I was walking "downtown" (where my ex lives) and sure enough saw a girl exit my exes building. I wasn't even looking - I had just turned my head! I just knew it was his new girlfriend. Strong intuition is both a blessing and a curse.

I became instantly super anxious, almost burst into tears, and the emotions just took over. I went to his apartment and banged on the door. I didn't say much, really, except to say "so this is why you're not texting and calling" (his response: "We haven't BEEN texting and calling." Ugh. Fair enough.) Like I said, there wasn't really much to say, but I did say "You told me you didn't have time for a relationship. You just didn't have time for a relationship with me! Right?" He just said we tried it, moved too fast, it didn't work out. (The same lines.)

He said "Look, if you want to talk, let's talk later. I don't want to do it at my doorway." I said "There's nothing to talk about. You're a liar, and a player, and one day someone's going to hurt you too" (he's been the dumper for literally all of his relationships.) I stomped away and he was just standing there with the door open and I shouted "Good bye!"

I texted him to never talk about me, to not acknowledge me in public, and to never contact me again (LOL I'm sure he was like "no problem!") I blocked his number, his email, his Facebook. I finally took the rest of his **** back to his apartment and stomped a radio he'd given me.

I had been so proud of myself for having composure and truly felt I had moved on. I'm kind of embarrassed but mostly hurt. He rejected me. He said he was learning how to be alone/single. It was just ME he didn't want to be with. He found someone else, and quickly, sure enough.
Don't beat yourself up over confronting him. You shouldn't have done it but we are human. We slip up and make mistakes.

The current reality is your ex and you are over and he will likely move onto date new women. One of them, he will fall for and she will become to him what you were back in the day. That is a heavy..heavy..thought. And what's heavier is that you will have to accept it...this is why the grieving process is slow. Be conscious of it and be okay with it.

You will only be over him and your situation when that thought fails to break your heart.
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Last edited by Beachead; 28th January 2018 at 7:33 PM..
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Old 3rd February 2018, 3:25 PM   #34
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Learned something new today

So I've been NC for almost three weeks (yay me!).

Today at the gym I saw his ex - girl he dated for a year before we dated (yes I was a rebound). She left the gym but then came back and introduced herself. We talked for like ten minutes, just basically talking about our mutual ex haha.

As we were leaving she said "oh, by the way, I thought you should know that he and I were sleeping together in October and November. A lot in November." (At this time he was pulling away a lot and said he needed time to himself - clearly a lie.)

Holy cow. This was a guy who was strongly anti-cheating and all about openness and honesty. Cheated on me throughout!?

I'm very thrown for a loop here. I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway. It's just really intense.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 4:19 PM   #35
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So I've been NC for almost three weeks (yay me!).

Today at the gym I saw his ex - girl he dated for a year before we dated (yes I was a rebound). She left the gym but then came back and introduced herself. We talked for like ten minutes, just basically talking about our mutual ex haha.

As we were leaving she said "oh, by the way, I thought you should know that he and I were sleeping together in October and November. A lot in November." (At this time he was pulling away a lot and said he needed time to himself - clearly a lie.)

Holy cow. This was a guy who was strongly anti-cheating and all about openness and honesty. Cheated on me throughout!?

I'm very thrown for a loop here. I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway. It's just really intense.
Move on..How long are you trying to stay on the drama train for? He hurt you,cheated on you..So, Why in the hell not consider it a blessing and get on with your life?
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Old 3rd February 2018, 6:00 PM   #36
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Move on..How long are you trying to stay on the drama train for? He hurt you,cheated on you..So, Why in the hell not consider it a blessing and get on with your life?
It's a betrayal. I'm not on any drama train. She came up to me and told me this information.
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:23 AM   #37
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It's a betrayal. I'm not on any drama train. She came up to me and told me this information.
I read through some of your other posts about showing up several times,uninvited,at his place. To me..that's drama. So,she told you something about him..big deal. Sounds like she's on the same train as you. Let it go.

Last edited by Praying4Daylight; 4th February 2018 at 1:26 AM..
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Old 4th February 2018, 2:22 AM   #38
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Personally, I would just cut myself off from any information about him. Tell others you don't wish to hear any news about him. You aren't going to get back with him, so hearing any information about him is not productive at this point. You have all the information you need to know that he was not a good match. There's no need to entertain the idea of confronting him yet again.

It sounds like he didn't conduct himself properly during the relationship. but from what you're saying, he's doing the right things post-breakup. I agree with the poster who said you are likely to find fault in whatever he does if you two cross paths, whether it's politely acknowledging you/your daughter or carrying on as though he doesn't see you.

You have a young daughter to consider right now. Resist the temptation to occupy precious mental energy dwelling on everything this guy does or doesn't do.
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Old 4th February 2018, 11:35 AM   #39
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I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway.
Don't confront him. The pounding on his door business was more then enough.

Confronting him means you still care. Hate is not the opposite of love. It's the other side of the same coin -- negative passion. Indifference is where you need to be.

You now have info about his cheating which should spur you to indifference. This man lied to you & cheated on you. Your next step needs to be a doctor for an STD test. If he cheated on you with the EX who told you in the gym, who knows how many others there were. If the test is positive, then you can send him the bills for all your medical treatment. He won't pay but that's as much confrontation as I'd do.

Let him go already. He's clearly scum.
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:08 PM   #40
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Don't confront him. The pounding on his door business was more then enough.

This man lied to you & cheated on you.

Let him go already. He's clearly scum.
Amen! Well said.
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