Jump to content

If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it?


igotoverit

Recommended Posts

Hello, thank you for reading. I will make this short and sweet.

I am trying to get over a situation and thought maybe these answers to questions I am torturing myself over, although I will never know the true answer, might be answered by some of you.

 

 

If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it.

Edited by igotoverit
Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not a man, but I don't think that you need men to answer this question.

 

There is no possible reason that would explain or support the behavior of an individual that would purposefully hurt another human being. Any individual who finds pleasure in another person's pain is a deeply troubled person. This individual would lack empathy, and compassion, and basic human decency.

 

I would like to say that this kind of behavior is uncommon, but the reality is that many women are in abusive relationships... There are many abusers and abuse takes many forms. I'm sorry you were hurt.

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I am not a man, but I don't think that you need men to answer this question.

 

There is no possible reason that would explain or support the behavior of an individual that would purposefully hurt another human being. Any individual who finds pleasure in another person's pain is a deeply troubled person. This individual would lack empathy, and compassion, and basic human decency.

 

 

 

Thank you. I live in a small city and although I moved, from this guys province, he has some people in my city involved. I keep asking myself why they would agree to playing such a hurtful game. The linked in account really bothers me, as it is my full name, in my city, stating I work for lazyboy and my profession is lazy. They also told me to play a game with them and try to locate all their sites.

 

 

I joined a gym and a man showed up trying to be my gym buddy where they would proceed to make fun of my weight, wardrobe, and continuously mock me for my education and life goals. I insisted what they were doing was very intrusive and hurtful and to stop. They continued to do it while others played. I assume this means everyone who played has some issues .. Thanks! this site is helping me.

Edited by igotoverit
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
Thank you. I live in a small city and although I moved, from this guys province, he has some people in my city involved. I keep asking myself why they would agree to playing such a hurtful game. The linked in account really bothers me, as it is my full name, in my city, stating I work for lazyboy and my profession is lazy. They also told me to play a game with them and try to locate all their sites.

 

 

I joined a gym and a man showed up trying to be my gym buddy where they would proceed to make fun of my weight, wardrobe, and continuously mock me for my education and life goals. I insisted what they were doing was very intrusive and hurtful and to stop. They continued to do it while man others played. I assume this means everyone who played has some issues .. Thanks! this site is helping me.

 

It's certainly very unusual that someone would be able to get so many people on board for the sole purpose of seeking you out and mocking you. Could you tell your story from beginning to end? I've seen bits and pieces on various threads and I don't get what's actually going on besides him making fun of your weight and creating a fake LinkedIn profile. What was your relationship with this man? From beginning to end? How did you meet, etc.?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
It's certainly very unusual that someone would be able to get so many people on board for the sole purpose of seeking you out and mocking you. Could you tell your story from beginning to end? I've seen bits and pieces on various threads and I don't get what's actually going on besides him making fun of your weight and creating a fake LinkedIn profile. What was your relationship with this man? From beginning to end? How did you meet, etc.?

 

 

 

When I can reflect a little more to put it into a simple paragraph or a few. For me to write out the entire story, it would be very long. I am trying to be short so people read it and respond. I am trying to prevent long posts.. I haven't found all the words yet to honestly describe the situation but it started with me meeting a man at work and ended in this. Five years later!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

and my goal is not to get this guy back at all. My goal is not to try to reconnect or even become friends with him in the future. My goal is to put this behind me and to grow as a person but I feel stuck. I am so stuck in this and can't fathem that it could get this out of hand. Why so many people would induldge in this. I had coffee with a gentleman a few years ago who was telling me to move on. When I found out he was associated I sent him a direct email and thanked him but told him I get the hint and do not need his help. Yet he continued to try and give me advice but it was cruel. It was very mean and he was telling me if I didn't like it to block him which I found very hurtful.

Link to post
Share on other sites

igotoverit,

 

If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it.

 

This is a bit of a vague question, however, having read your other posts I would say this;

 

There is no reason on God's green earth why you should stay in such a toxic environment as the one you have described. Cancel your gym membership and find a more friendly club. Block the guy who seems to be orchestrating all this and remember that it's nothing to do with you personally.

 

Stay strong x

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
and my goal is not to get this guy back at all. My goal is not to try to reconnect or even become friends with him in the future. My goal is to put this behind me and to grow as a person but I feel stuck. I am so stuck in this and can't fathem that it could get this out of hand. Why so many people would induldge in this. I had coffee with a gentleman a few years ago who was telling me to move on. When I found out he was associated I sent him a direct email and thanked him but told him I get the hint and do not need his help. Yet he continued to try and give me advice but it was cruel. It was very mean and he was telling me if I didn't like it to block him which I found very hurtful.

 

Abusive people recruit others to assist them in the abuse of their target. A common term for the recruited abusers is "flying monkeys." These recruits are gullible and have low self-esteem too, which is the exact type of person an abuser knows he can brainwash to get on their side. Also, these "flying monkeys" were already told a (false) story about you by the abuser which colors you in a bad light.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been in this position twice in my life...I know how confusing it is.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you knew what you were doing was hurting someone, why would you continue to do it.

 

because you don't care about that person

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
because you don't care about that person

 

Yes, and in addition, it's about domination. The abuser can exert their power and control over you easier when they have been chipping away at your self-worth through abusive actions.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

^^^ Yeah, that was a harsh lesson to learn about the human race. How brutal humans can be to each other for no reason other than that their lives didn't/don't matter. Once one accepts that reality, things get easier. Best example we see every day? "It's not personal".

 

Once they get a whiff of a weak target, the beatings ensue. It's easier to return to known targets than face the unknown of a new one and humans are creatures of familiarity.

 

Acceptance is the key. Accept reality. Yeah it sucks sometimes but there's a lot of good and joyous stuff to. The other, well, they're mortal too. They'll get theirs.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you as your advice helps. I finally got out of bed and went into work for a few hours. I recently left my job, switched my courses to online, and started to take small contracts during the day. I had my first client with this company and next week I have a personal client of my own. I really enjoyed getting out of the house and interacting with these people.

 

 

I enjoyed that my work was appreciated and will continue to press forward and hopefully I can move on knowing that the recruits were easy recruits for their own issues. These same recruits were infact told lies about me which reflects more bad on them then me.

 

 

Thank you so much for reading my post and sharing your insight. I know I am far from perfect and have some work to do. It wasn't easy to admit some of these things and I have to admit, I can see things about myself in others post to.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a question I have been torturing myself with too, I repeatedly told my ex he was hurting me, but it never sunk in. I think the answer is complicated and it may be different for different people. I think it has something to do with low self esteem of the abuser (they feel better by putting others down) and lack of empathy. I don't really know the answer and I'm trying to tell myself the answer doesn't matter. All that matters is that I can't allow the abuse. It's really tough.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
This is a question I have been torturing myself with too, I repeatedly told my ex he was hurting me, but it never sunk in. I think the answer is complicated and it may be different for different people. I think it has something to do with low self esteem of the abuser (they feel better by putting others down) and lack of empathy. I don't really know the answer and I'm trying to tell myself the answer doesn't matter. All that matters is that I can't allow the abuse. It's really tough.

 

Yes. I ended my marriage and no need to explain why my ex and her family think I am the worst human being on earth. Why would someone cause harm and continue...if we are talking about inflicting intentional harm b/c of some enjoyment, well that is something else all together. People harm one another all the time and it often does not have to do with have some underlying, psychotic need to hurt or enjoying the act of harming another. Sometimes our actions, emotions, responses, insecurities, anger, lead us to do things that are hurtful.

 

But, OP, it sounds like you have some people actively engaged in activity to intentionally hurt you, right? This is not normal.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Yes. I ended my marriage and no need to explain why my ex and her family think I am the worst human being on earth. Why would someone cause harm and continue...if we are talking about inflicting intentional harm b/c of some enjoyment, well that is something else all together. People harm one another all the time and it often does not have to do with have some underlying, psychotic need to hurt or enjoying the act of harming another. Sometimes our actions, emotions, responses, insecurities, anger, lead us to do things that are hurtful.

 

But, OP, it sounds like you have some people actively engaged in activity to intentionally hurt you, right? This is not normal.

 

 

 

I don't think so. I mean the latest happened just this past weekend, that I am aware of, I have been on this site and trying not to see what else they are doing. The latest was when they made a linked in account. Most of you know linked in but if you don't, it's a professional version of facebook. They made it my name, in my city, which I should mention is small, and my profession was lazy at lazy boy. I also spoke to a mutual friend a few months back. I think it was in May when he mentioned Lazy and Lazy boy making some cruel joke against me then offering to help me at the gym get my body back ... Seriously, all this did in fact and 100 percent happen.

 

 

I put on some weight and let myself go admittedly but when I told him I didn't want his help, he should have stopped there so it is wrong what he did and is doing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
I don't think so. I mean the latest happened just this past weekend, that I am aware of, I have been on this site and trying not to see what else they are doing. The latest was when they made a linked in account. Most of you know linked in but if you don't, it's a professional version of facebook. They made it my name, in my city, which I should mention is small, and my profession was lazy at lazy boy. I also spoke to a mutual friend a few months back. I think it was in May when he mentioned Lazy and Lazy boy making some cruel joke against me then offering to help me at the gym get my body back ... Seriously, all this did in fact and 100 percent happen.

 

 

I put on some weight and let myself go admittedly but when I told him I didn't want his help, he should have stopped there so it is wrong what he did and is doing.

 

Who is "they?" How many people are we talking about here and how old are they?

 

What do you mean you're "trying not to see what else they are doing?" Doing where?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

He insists that I am wasting my life away when if you knew what I was doing, I made a plan and pick away at it. I am not going to work day and night to become this person who he deems acceptable. He made it clear he didn't like me so he should hit the curb. He doesn't, he feels the need to stick around and bully me for no reason. If he wanted me to move on from him, staying visible in my life isn't helping. If he wants to be friends, no chance on earth or in this life time will that ever happen. The last person I want advice from at this point is him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Who is "they?" How many people are we talking about here and how old are they?

 

What do you mean you're "trying not to see what else they are doing?" Doing where?

 

 

 

currently on facebook, on linked in, on sites I search for work and advertise my skills.. At the gym. Places I would normally be on a day to day basis before I came here. The original two are 43 and there are about 15 to 20 people that I am aware of.

Edited by igotoverit
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
currently on facebook, on linked in, on sites I search for work and advertise my skills.. At the gym. Places I would normally be on a day to day basis before I came here. The original two are 43 and there are about 15 to 20 people that I am aware of.

 

With all due respect, and mostly concern, this seems highly unlikely. Have you ever suffered from paranoia?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
With all due respect, and mostly concern, this seems highly unlikely. Have you ever suffered from paranoia?

 

No. I do not suffer paranoia and convincing you is not really a priority. I know what happened as I was there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
With all due respect, and mostly concern, this seems highly unlikely. Have you ever suffered from paranoia?

 

And further .. before you go and diagnose or make assumptions, read the facts. A picture of me was put on facebook under a fake account etc .. do not even attempt to say you dont believe a story, you seem to have some issues with other people. Chances are that you don't know everything my dear.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think so. I mean the latest happened just this past weekend, that I am aware of, I have been on this site and trying not to see what else they are doing. The latest was when they made a linked in account. Most of you know linked in but if you don't, it's a professional version of facebook. They made it my name, in my city, which I should mention is small, and my profession was lazy at lazy boy. I also spoke to a mutual friend a few months back. I think it was in May when he mentioned Lazy and Lazy boy making some cruel joke against me then offering to help me at the gym get my body back ... Seriously, all this did in fact and 100 percent happen.

 

 

I put on some weight and let myself go admittedly but when I told him I didn't want his help, he should have stopped there so it is wrong what he did and is doing.

 

This is intentional and malicious. Vindictive. Do have evidence that it is them? You should report the profile to LinkedIn and perhaps authorities.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
This is intentional and malicious. Vindictive. Do have evidence that it is them? You should report the profile to LinkedIn and perhaps authorities.

 

I have an open police file and an officer handling the case. I sent it to them and reported the account to linked in. I just checked and it is still on there. The picture from facebook was a private photo and Facebook removed the account quickly. The police say they don't have enough teeth to bite, but they are collecting the evidence and unlike that user who stroke a nerve, believe me. They suggested I stay offline completely but I was addicted to the guy and ended up here. I am a very sane person

Edited by igotoverit
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic
And further .. before you go and diagnose or make assumptions, read the facts. A picture of me was put on facebook under a fake account etc .. do not even attempt to say you dont believe a story, you seem to have some issues with other people. Chances are that you don't know everything my dear.

 

Never said I didn't believe that someone did this on social media (although I thought you said it was LinkedIn, not FB). I have trouble understanding more than a dozen more people getting on board.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Never said I didn't believe that someone did this on social media (although I thought you said it was LinkedIn, not FB). I have trouble understanding more than a dozen more people getting on board.

 

It is a lot of people in a lot of places for 5 years. This guy has even lied on his personal linked in stating he is from and went to school where I now live. This guy is powerful because I sent his dishonest linked in to his corporate lawyer at a company I once worked with him at and they did nothing.

 

I keep making typos so I have to edit.

Edited by igotoverit
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...